baconpants Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Hey LS, so my ex and I broke up six months ago because she said she didn't 'feel anything any more'. She has also been studying hard these last few months and she said that it might have played a part in how she felt. ANYWAY, she texted me two days ago, simply asking if she could get her stuff back. After a brief response from me, she started asking about me and my family. She asked me if I was seeing anyone else, then after while she said "be honest, do you want to get back together?". I said I wasn't sure if I was in that place(which I am, of course). She also said I was the "nicest guy ever" and that she enjoyed her time with me. However, she also said that I shouldn't love her because that "phase of our lives is in the past". She hasn't dated anyone else during these six months. I've worked on myself physically and mentally and I'm now in a good place. I don't NEED her in my life to be happy. But I do love her and want us to work things out. Now, I'm seeing her in three days to give her stuff back. I'm wondering if I should ask her to go for a meal after that to tell her how I feel. Or should I wait for her to say something? I feel like she doesn't want to make a move in fear of being rejected. Or maybe I'm reading it all wrong. I'm 23, and she's 20, by the way. I would greatly appreciate any advice, guys and gals! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 No, do not ask her to a meal. How awkward would that be? If she tells you she's not interested in getting back together before the starter even arrives. You're going to be sitting there in silence for the whole meal just waiting for the earth to open up and swallow you whole. If I were you I'd sort out my feelings, and stop giving the mixed signals. If you want her back then let her know in no uncertain terms. Find out if she feels the same. If she does then sure, ask her to dinner or whatever. If not, just give her her stuff back and say goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 No. She has already hinted by saying those feelings are in the past. She wants her stuff and also probably hoping you are still pining over her. Tell her you have a hot new gf and then continue with NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 to hell with no contact. tell her what you want. if she says she not interested, ok then. no communication = no relationship. sounds like she's interested to me. go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Nope, don't let her back in so easily. ONE conversation of her asking you if you want to get back together isn't a good enough reason TO get back together. She broke up with you because she didn't have those feelings for you anymore. Remember that. You may always love her, but that doesn't mean you two should get back together. She has to earn it and prove to you that she can sustain her feelings for you and let them grow...So far it seems like she's fishing and not fully ready to invest in working it out with you. Shield your heart...You're in a good place now so really ask yourself if she's worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I think she said its in the past because you said you may not be in that place...she said that to protect her ego since you bruised it by not jumping at the chance. Be neutral...if she doesn't bring it up again...you kept your dignity, so then stay NC. If she brings it up...be honest. Ball is in her court not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 What sort of stuff is it and why has she left it so long....6 months?! I wouldn't ask her for a second chance. Just return her property. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Guy23 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I wouldn't let her back in so easily. You said you haven't been in contact in 6 months and you're in a better place show her that. Be real upbeat and friendly when you do see her but don't ask her out to dinner. I'd wait a while and see if she contacts you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Coolbeans123 Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) Wow some of the advice here leaves me some what perplexed. Either these people are missing the clear signs and points of what the OP said. Or they are advising through a window of their own circumstances. OP she asked you to be honest do you want to get back together? You lied and said something akin to no. She then protected herself and said feelings were in the past. This is soo Clear. I would have done the same thing. And best believe if I asked my ex if he wanted to get back together and I insisted he be honest. I only would have if I myself wanted to. Pls do ask her for that meal. infact be honest and tell her you wasn't honest in your first response as you were taken back by it and having thought about it you would like to talk honestly over a meal. If she accepts this you won't regret it. Since you still love her. Please follow your gut and take what everyone on this board tells you (including me) with a pinch of salt. In the end you know her and yourself better. This is my honest opinion based on what I read. I believe by default of her question she wanted you back. I'm not sure now since your answer. She probably went back into her protective cave. Yes us women have a cave to. Good luck and happy new year Edited January 2, 2016 by Coolbeans123 Link to post Share on other sites
D.r.e Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Wow some of the advice here leaves me some what perplexed. Either these people are missing the clear signs and points of what the OP said. Or they are advising through a window of their own circumstances. OP she asked you to be honest do you want to get back together? You lied and said something akin to no. She then protected herself and said feelings were in the past. This is soo Clear. I would have done the same thing. And best believe if I asked my ex if he wanted to get back together and I insisted he be honest. I only would have if I myself wanted to. Pls do ask her for that meal. infact be honest and tell her you wasn't honest in your first response as you were taken back by it and having thought about it you would like to talk honestly over a meal. If she accepts this you won't regret it. Since you still love her. Please follow your gut and take what everyone on this board tells you (including me) with a pinch of salt. In the end you know her and yourself better. This is my honest opinion based on what I read. I believe by default of her question she wanted you back. I'm not sure now since your answer. She probably went back into her protective cave. Yes us women have a cave to. Good luck and happy new year Agree. I wouldn't necessarily do a meal but a casual meet up for drinks, then possibly a meal then who knows? Treat it like any other date, don't jump straight into a relationship. 6 months is plenty of time to make changes and have you both heal and realize what is important Link to post Share on other sites
samanil Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 It seems quite clear to me that she wants to get back together, but she is hesitant to put herself in that vulnerable position. Ideally she would just come out with it, instead of playing this game. However, that is not what she is doing, so I suggest you take the risk and expose your true feelings. If she backs out, then you've learned your lesson and can continue moving on and healing. If she says yes, then you have an opportunity to get someone back that you want. Link to post Share on other sites
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