My wife wants to come back after 2 months

[Confused410]

Hello all, This is actually the first time I'm posting anything about my divorce. I met my wife when she was 19 and I was 22. We moved in together within 6 months and got engaged 6 months later. We finally got married in 2014 and exactly one year later my wife dropped the bombshell that she no longer loved me and she moved out to go find herself. She said she didn't want to be married at 23 and felt we rushed everything. I wasn't enough in her eyes and she wanted to experience the world and make those mistakes because she never got to experience it. She felt bored and that our relationship was going nowhere and no longer wanted to have children anymore. I told her to not rule our relationship out and was heartbroken when she said "I just don't want you to have hope". I told her to think about it because it was a life changing decision. She didn't even wait a week to tell me she is dead set on divorce. I was crushed...

 

She revealed later that she had feelings for an ex and was going to pursue it but it didn't work out. She was texting him in general during the end of our relationship and the old feelings came up. She later went on online dating sites and have been with other men intimately. Though the past two months we have grown to be civil friends and I was finally accepting life as a divorced man. Then she decides to tell me that she is still in love with me and she made a mistake and wants me to come back. She realized she had a void in her life and realized I was her "soulmate". She has left a love letter on my door asking for me to take her back, she gets upset when she talks to me. She is willing to deal with things she had issues with to just be with me cause I'm the one for her. She said she would wait her entire life for me to want her. She now says she would do anything for me like have children and stay married. I am a good natured person and afraid to make her sad.

 

I am completely confused after finally accepting life without her. I don't know if she's being genuine or if she's lonely. I'm afraid that she is picking me as a second choice after this independent life didn't pan out the way she wanted. Should I give her a second chance? My family and friends are torn between "If it makes you happy forgive her" or "Forget her" . I am torn because I do miss her and love her but I am hesitant because of my broken trust for her. Could I trust her again or would I feel paranoid waiting for her to fall out of love again and leaving me to find herself. At first she was dead set and didn't want to work things out but now she is desperate to win me back. Our divorce hasn't finalized yet but am at a crossroads on what I should do. Should I forgive and try to work it out or should I remain hesitant.

[CarrieT]

You are both too young.

 

Don't let her come back and hold out.

 

Trust me; when you are in your early 30s, you will see this was all drama and it will become apparent what an adult, mature relationship looks like and supposed to be.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

She sounds fickle and untrustworthy. I certainly don't buy the "soulmate" line.

 

She basically left you for another man, and when that didn't work she came crawling back with her tail between her legs.

 

Personally, I find her motives suspect, and I think you can find someone better.

 

I'm sorry but being afraid to make her sad is a complete cop out. She didn't care about making you sad when she threw away your marriage, saying she didn't love you anymore, and then started banging other guys. Where was her consideration for your feelings? This can't be about pleasing her, it is about your life and what is best for you. That has to be your priority now.

 

If you decide to give her another chance, I think you should take things extremely slowly to see if she really wants to be with you or if she just wants the security of your old relationship. You should also attend marriage counselling to talk through all your issues and concerns. It would also be worth getting advice from your attorney to see how this might impact your future.

 

All the best.

Edited November 27, 2015 by Scarlett.O'hara

[sandylee1]

She doesn't love you .... she's settling for you..because she could not find anything better out there. You don't go from where she was to you being her soul mate.

 

She doesn't have love and passion for you.... when she finds a man that does it for her she'll be gone again or she'll cheat on you.. because 'she didn't want to upset you'.

 

You married too young IMO. You need to enjoy the single life before settling down again.

It's an ego boost that she's come back crawling... but just tell her you think divorce is better.... if you choose to reconcile.. I recommend marriage counselling.