SpiralOut Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm the type of person who hates to cancel on people. I avoid it as much as possible. So I'm not sure if I'm being rude or not with this situation. My aunt and uncle invited me to their Christmas party months ago. The party is next weekend. They do not live near me. They are about a 3 hour drive away. I don't see them often, and I enjoyed seeing them over the summer, so I told them back in August that I would like to go. However I didn't really give a 100% yes for sure answer, as it was still early. I talked about it with my SO and we both agreed we should go. Then last month during thanksgiving, he told my parents (!!) that we would be going. My parents told my aunt and uncle and now apparently they are all excited about seeing us. Here's the problem: we don't really want to go anymore and I don't know how to politely decline. If they lived in town it would be no problem and I would go. However, there are a few reasons for changing my mind - I recently quit my job so I'm on a budget now, that means no weekend getaway trips except to see family on Christmas day - my SO told me he feels uncomfortable going now that he has realized there will be a large crowd of people we don't know. On top of that we would be staying the night. He worries it will be awkward. Staying at a hotel isn't really an option right now. I don't like crowds either, so I can understand where he's coming from - I'm annoyed with my uncle right now. He's the kind of guy who doesn't hurt people's feelings on purpose but sometimes will say judgmental things. This might sound petty but he made a rude comment on my FB a couple weeks ago, making inaccurate judgments about who I am as a person and what he thinks I do with my time. It came totally out of left field, and I did not appreciate it. He has made many comments before, over the years, which I do not like. I'm pretty sure he thinks he is giving me advice, or doing me a favour or something but really I just feel judged. - I don't feel like meeting a bunch of new people and having to answer the question "so what do you do for a living?" and having to tell them all that I'm unemployed. What would you do in this situation? I would like to see my aunt, but not under these circumstances. I am worried that by cancelling, I will disappoint her or seem like a flake. I am thinking of saying that we can't go for financial reasons, but I'm worried that someone will step in and offer to lend us money. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Simple... Are they aware that you're unemployed right now? Does your BF have a serious job? Use the work excuse . "I'm so sorry but I just found out this week that there's a training event/work conference/business trip, that I need to go on and I wouldn't be getting back until ___.. I feel crummy cuz it's last minute and we were looking forward to seeing you guys but I can't get out of it" If they know you're unemployed then that's even easier. Tell them that you are either interviewing for a position and once that week comes say that the final step is meeting with the hiring manager the day that you're supposed to visit them. Or can say that you got hired and they are having you fly to their training facility that weekend to start your training for the job. Or blame it on your BF. He's got a work trip he needs to go on. Work is always the easiest excuse Bc they can't argue with that and they can't check to see if your lying. Once you tell them, say you'd like to come up, but you need to find a date that works now because of the job schedule you'll have and the holidays upcoming. Might need to wait till after New Years. Link to post Share on other sites
baffin Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 You might call your aunt and just explain that 'something came up, and that you would not be able to attend their party.' BUT them you might ask her if it would be all right if you schedule another time for you and your SO to visit - a time when there would only for the four of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Just say something came up & you can't come. Apologize & stay home. Don't make a huge thing about. Do not go into ANY of the details you shared with us. It's fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Say you got diarrhea, works every time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 Just say something came up & you can't come. Apologize & stay home. Don't make a huge thing about. Do not go into ANY of the details you shared with us. It's fine. Thanks. This is what we've decided to do. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 How about planning a day trip to go visit them after the holidays? Get up early, do the drive (maybe stay over one night if need be) and then you'll have a nice visit with your aunt and uncle. Family is important so since you can't go to their party make the effort another time. Link to post Share on other sites
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