girl friend tells my bf "i love you"...what to do?? please help, i'm freaking out!

[steenerz]

my bf and his best friends have been friends since 7th grade...they are very close, and are even neighbors...the best friend's older sister called hiim today to let him know that there was a job opening at her work since my bf is looking for a job...during the convo (his cell is really loud so i heard the whole thing), she asks him what he's doing tonight in a friendly way, then always says "i love you...". is this ok??? he says it's just like she's a sister to him...and i guess it's kinda true, i've been dating my bf for almost a year...and they've known each other for like 6+ years, if something were to have happened, it would have already...i trust him with all my heart...but is it ok for girl friends to say "i love you?" i tell my guy friends i love them...but it's always "luv ya" not "i love you" (and yes, i think there is a big difference!) how do i approach my bf that she makes me uncomfortable without making it sound as if i didn't trust hiM?

[LucreziaBorgia]

You'll have to ask yourself what is really bothering you in this situation before you approach it. Is is that she says 'I love you' that is the problem, or the fact they have a close relationship that bothers you? Be honest with yourself on this. It helps to know where the hurt is coming from before you go in and find a way to stop the hurt.

 

If she stops saying 'I love you' but they continue on in the very close way that they do, will that be enough?

[steenerz]

they really haven't been all that close before...they just started talking more b/c of his need for a job...i talked to him last night on the phone about it and he reassured me that he is like a brother to her, and when i asked him why he told her he loved her back, he laughed (sincerely!) and said he didn't mean it...and he doesn't know why she asked him what he was doing that night cuz they have never hung out before...i don't want to keep nagging to him about it...so if something like this happens again, then i will speak up again i guess

[LucreziaBorgia]

Let me assure you of this much: this girl has more in mind that just 'a brother' for this guy now, since you are saying they weren't always this close.

 

There is little doubt in my mind from what you have posted. His playing along with it whether he is intending to be with her or not, is causing her to further cement her intentions of having him for herself. He HAS TO STOP returning her verbal affects like this. Even in the unlikely event that its 100% innocent, he is leading her on and she is being allowed to exploit their friendship by allowing those 'brotherly/sisterly' boundaries slip a little further each time - all in the name of 'friendship'. You will need to tell him how you feel about this now rather than later. Try to be non-confrontational: tell him that you think she may be getting the wrong idea from this, and that it makes you uncomfortable knowing that she is getting the wrong impression. His reaction will tell you all you need to know about how 'brotherly/sisterly' things really are between them.

 

Keep your eyes open. If his behavior changes: he is acting distant, is accusing you of being jealous/insecure, spends more time with her, starts having longer phone convo's than before, or starts defending her against you - then you'll know that he has decided to start seeing it as more than 'a brother' as well.

[Treasa]

I don't know what her intentions are to him, but I know I say "I love you" to my (male) best friend when I hang up after talking to him. He lives several states away, so we can only "hang out" via phone. I've said those three words to him in front of my boyfriend, who doesn't mind because he knows I have absolutely no romantic or sexual feelings for my friend. It's like the way I tell my grandma I love her when I'm done talking to her on the phone or something.

 

However, in this situation there may be something up. I really don't know.

[sarah12]

He might just like the attention of a girl calling him, especially an older girl, who he may feel inferior to. If that's all there is, the phase will pass. If there was something to hide, he probably wouldn't have been saying those things to her on the phone in front of you.

[steenerz]

Originally posted by sarah12

He might just like the attention of a girl calling him, especially an older girl, who he may feel inferior to. If that's all there is, the phase will pass. If there was something to hide, he probably wouldn't have been saying those things to her on the phone in front of you.

 

true.

[steenerz]

any other opinions/advice?`

[inhighwater]

To Steenerz:

 

I believe you I have a lot in common with our situations. Please Check out post "BF's Female friend gets mad over our upcoming wedding." Want to talk please let me know.

[inhighwater]

To Steenerz:

 

Oops, I met "BF's female friend gets mad over our upcoming marriage" not wedding lol.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ah, I'm beginning to see now why you are so insistent this thread. I had forgotten about this post. Now that you are back home, have you noticed those two hanging out at all or talked to him about her since you got back from college? Are you thinking she may be part of the reason why he has been the way he has?

[Kandy]

I feel that when you're single that it's ok to say things like "Love Ya" etc...but when one or both of you are in a relationship I don't think it's proper to say things like that. It's disrespectful to your SO, IMO.