Author Broom Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 I agree. He is not even hiding the fact that he is ignoring or refusing to acknowledge me. But I think it's to evoke some kind of response out of me. I'm happy pretending I don't see it. Haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 He is absolutely trying to bait you. My MM still does this to me when he sees me pull back and get distant. He does passive/aggressive crap on his FB knowing I will see it. I think he thinks he will get some reaction out of me or it will make me contact. It used to, not so much anymore. Because of the holidays, we haven't seen each other in a month. He was supposed to come see me today at his request. Today he posts some random FB status about something going on, and I guess that is to let me know he won't be coming. It's legitimate and I completely understand, but why not just tell me. I have yet to get an email telling me he isn't coming. I will not be emailing him to check. So over games. Trust me Broom, when I tell you how lucky you are to have dodged this bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Keep ignoring him. Don't be available when/if he requests. He will move on to another gal that's more compliant. Predators like him like the easy/available prey on their terms - just be unavailable and busy, busy, busy! A year to get another job? Start looking for anything else if he keeps it up - or consider reporting his advances if he doesn't stop. But get looking to see if there is anything else you can do to find new work. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Broom, you are doing a much better job of resisting whatever is there than do most of the people we hear from at Loveshack. Just keep up your resolve, and time will be on your side. (but if you slip-up in serious fashion, time will swallow you) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 He stopped playing the mind games and asked me directly why I had not reached out to him or talked to him. He seemed to be disappointed that I hadn't, as I suspected. I find it weird that he asked me why I hadn't instead of just initiating contact himself. Is this a control thing? An ego thing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) He stopped playing the mind games and asked me directly why I had not reached out to him or talked to him. He seemed to be disappointed that I hadn't, as I suspected. I find it weird that he asked me why I hadn't instead of just initiating contact himself. Is this a control thing? An ego thing? That was him initiating. Same exact thing happened with my MM once when I stopped reaching out to him. Later he said that he didn't initaite during that time because he figured that I had found myself a suitor. I don't know if I would call that an ego thing or him being timid. He was very excited when we reconnected. Edited January 12, 2015 by Popsicle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Do you find that weird? That they come to you and ask you why you haven't spoken to them and they're waiting for you to make that 1st point of contact. I just immediately thought to myself, "Why didn't you just message me?" I didn't verbalize this. It could be that he was shy and afraid I would ignore him or be rude? I'm not sure. How did it go after you reconnected? And why were you not talking to him to begin with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Do you find that weird? That they come to you and ask you why you haven't spoken to them and they're waiting for you to make that 1st point of contact. I just immediately thought to myself, "Why didn't you just message me?" I didn't verbalize this. It could be that he was shy and afraid I would ignore him or be rude? I'm not sure. How did it go after you reconnected? And why were you not talking to him to begin with? Yes very weird. That was like over a year ago and I still don't have that one figured out. He subtly chastised me for being out of contact too. Very weird. He was very excited that we reconnected and so was I so it went well. He still remains M though and all that goes with that, if that's what you want to know. I wish I had more answers for you but I just don't know how to explain that occurrence in an accurate way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Yes, he had been baiting for a while to get my attention. I noticed all the baits throughout the past 2 weeks, but pretended to ignore them. I think he got frustrated to the point where he had no other option but to come to me directly. It felt satisfying but still weird. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Yes, he had been baiting for a while to get my attention. I noticed all the baits throughout the past 2 weeks, but pretended to ignore them. I think he got frustrated to the point where he had no other option but to come to me directly. It felt satisfying but still weird. And what did you say was the reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 And what did you say was the reason? I didn't give one. I just listened and said okay. I suppose that gave him the comfort that I had intended on initiating some kind of contact. I don't think I will, though. Going to let this thing play out a slow death. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I didn't give one. I just listened and said okay. I suppose that gave him the comfort that I had intended on initiating some kind of contact. I don't think I will, though. Going to let this thing play out a slow death. Good idea. That is what I am doing as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 From the perspective of a MM I will just say you are both playing mind games. It takes two to tango; you are either in or you are out. All of this ignoring each other, concerns about who initiates, etc. is sophomoric. If you want to end it, end it. "I want this to stop." It is just that easy. But I don't get the sense that you do. If you want it to continue then you have to realize that it is a two-way street. Playing games will not work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Do you find yourself missing that contact and that part of your day being filled, though. It's a trade of some sorts. My desire to contact him is actually even LESS after he came up to me. I definitely don't want to train or delight him by running to him after he gave me the green light. Goodness. He doesn't need any more perceived power. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Do you find yourself missing that contact and that part of your day being filled, though. It's a trade of some sorts. My desire to contact him is actually even LESS after he came up to me. I definitely don't want to train or delight him by running to him after he gave me the green light. Goodness. He doesn't need any more perceived power. We never had daily contact but if we did of course I would miss it. You just have to grit and bear it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 MM stepped up the aggression after I pulled away. Finding excuses to be near me and even trying to walk me out. I've been rebuffing him at every opportunity and could tell he's been very pissed and with a bruised ego. He hasn't tried to reach out or anything else since I didn't bother responding back. I caught him looking at me while he thought I wasn't looking. As soon as I turned in his direction, he pretended to be working. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 He will get over it. My MM was pissed too when I stopped (or even slowed down) talking to him. I'm sure he will live and get over it. You owe him nothing. Look out for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 The really funny thing is he's probably absolutely baffled as to why you would stop talking to him. It can't be because he's married, is it? Noooo, it's not that. It's cause of something else. (<that is meant to be sarcasm) Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 It's really hard when you work with them. I had been friends professionally with my MM for 11 years before he even initiated any actions toward me. And thankfully after a year from when the affair started he moved to another company. The affair is still ongoing, but when it finally ends I won't have the added stress of having him at work with me. But when we were working together the times when we were attempting to end it were so crazy because he would do the same thing. Constantly find ways to talk to me or come to my cube. He would even create work where him and I would have to be alone in a room together so he could be alone with me. You are doing the right thing by ignoring him. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 He has already tried to create tasks for me that would require me to engage him and contact him. Obviously, he knows what I am responsible for at my job. He made an explicit request via email to my manager for a task that I would have to complete. Luckily, I was able to hold off on it until someone else could take care of it. Before, he was finding excuses to get up and come near my area. This was when he was trying to bait and lure me into contact. Now that it has become more apparent that I'm not responding, he doesn't move at all. Has stopped all baiting tactics and is doing his best to not look at me (at least when I could actually notice). I still caught him a few times, though. It feels really weird, especially when I know his position. And I suspect he may have told his closest guy co-worker about us. Probably trying to tarnish my reputation and degrade me out of a need to vent his bruised ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Although I can relate to some of what your going thru, my MM would have never done anything in retaliation if I rebuffed him. In fact when I ended it in the beginning that was the one thing he wanted to make sure didn't happen - that we could still work professionally with no animosity toward each other for anything that happened between us. But we were friends and colleagues for so long before anything was even sparked so it's quite a different situation. Your MM seems like this is more of a game with him than anything. Nothing really happened between you two right? So I wouldn't worry about his co-worker. But this just confirms you are absolutely doing the right thing by ignoring him completely. Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Nope. The EA never became a PA, not for his lack of trying. He was really trying to escalate it but could never close the deal. I had my reservations about a PA with him, even though I could admit that I had become emotionally dependent on him to some extent. I knew that it would only lead me deeper in with him, and that it wouldn't be the best idea. I did feel pressure to do a PA, as I knew that would be the only way to keep the EA going. Translation: eventually he would give up if I didn't put out. I weighed everything and decided not to enter PA. I knew that I would also have to give up speaking with him and being able to lean on him emotionally. He was never out for my emotional wellbeing or really caring about me. He just saw an opportunity for some sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I'm sorry you are having to deal with this stress at work. When my MM left the company I was devastated and I didn't think I would be able to breathe at work without knowing he was physically there. But within a few months things became a lot better and now, even though still in the affair, I am relieved I don't have that added pressure. He continues to try and convince me to come over to work for the company he now works for. Of course I continue to tell him HELL NO! You will get thru this. He will eventually give up and chase someone else. Stay strong and continue what you are doing. He is slowly getting the drift. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 We have been talking back and forth again. Some flirting and banter, but no physical contact. He called me unexpectedly! I didn't answer (because he called from a blocked number and I didn't know it was him). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broom Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 I really allowed myself to be sucked back in with this. Had been doing good, but ended up keeping a lingering conversation after requiring his assistance. And then it just kind of snowballs. Relapsed. He had picked up on the increased activity and I was back in a sort of regular thing. No idea what I'm doing or why I allowed that to happen. Too many stressors right now and I guess I was seeking some kind of a buffer. It was not the best decision. Alas, he seems to have pulled away after I finally turned back to him. Maybe I can use that as an opportunity to start anew. Link to post Share on other sites
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