the struggles of paranoia with the fear of pain mixed with mental illness

[Dwight05]

id like to start this off by saying thank you for those who offer there advice and those who help calm my worrysome mind.

My girlfreind and i are in a long distance relationship and we vist eachother when we can. She is a very atractive woman i dont say this due to my love for her i say this due to how she is at lest an 8. i love this girl with all my hart and i truley mean it. my whole out look on relatioships have changed seence i met her. all my prevouse relatioships eneded horably with it being cheating, using me for my connections, or just as a way into my social circle to get close with my freinds because of this it has left me very weiry of becoming atached and allowing my self to truly care for woman. i have gone years just looking for quick hook ups in order to avoid these relationships that place me in a posistion to be hurt or i hurt the other person before they can hurt me and this is how we started i was just looking for a quick hook up and it lead to countless sleepless nights of us talking and learning about eachother. we talk about a life togeather and these arnt the talks just so i can get into your pants again there to the point were im taking the risk after i finish this year of college to move 15 hours away to a different state in order to be with her. i used to be what mean would call a scab on the earth due to my extisive legal history, addictions, and social circle. i never had the urge to better my life untill i met her. i went our first few months i a lie while i still used but slowly leand off of the hard drugs and alchohal. but my issue is i lack faith and trust because of the scars left from others before. i suffer from anxity bipolar depression and i show signs of scitzophrainia but cant be diganosed for a few more years. she knows of my past and all my flaws and still says she loves me no one has stuck around before her after the find out the real me. she helps console my pains when my meds dont work but the pain she cant help is the fears and anxities that are caused due to our relationship. she is a sober person but could be labled as a nympho she has only been with 6 other guys before me but she loves sex and is horney alot and it worries me. all of her freinds and family know of me (exept her older step brother). she has alot of guy freinds whom she lables her brothers and this trubled me before but not as intensly untill she told me the guy who took her vaginity is one of her best freinds. this male happends to be alot older and her step brothers best freind (whom dosnt know of my exestiance). she says they have talked over it and agreed there better off freinds but becuseof my problems it drives me nuts. she spends the night out at her brothers house whitch happends to be in the country so it leads to no service. i know i shold trust her but im not capable of doing so fully. it dosnt help that she leaves no trace of use on social media. is the little things that borrow into my mind and i struggle to move past. i feel like im controlling becuse i ask questions in order to try to calm my self. she knows i struggle with thse problems so i worry that she dosnt tell me things becuse shes afraid to make me worry. i just ask for some guidence in trying to bring me to a peacefull state of mind so i dont worry when we arnt talking so i can be at ease when she gose out or before i say or do something that could be catastrophic to our relationship or some guidence on how i could discuse these thoghts and fears with her in a pro social manner.

[Downtown]

i just ask for some guidence in trying to bring me to a peacefull state of mind so i dont worry when we arnt talking.... or some guidence on how i could discuse these thoghts and fears with her in a pro social manner.

Dwight, welcome to LoveShack. If your mood swings and paranoia are very strong, it will be impossible for you to trust her until you've had therapy to learn how to deal with your issues. This is a serious problem for relationships because trust is the foundation on which they must be built. I therefore am hopeful that your paranoia and moodiness are only moderate -- not severe.

 

As to your moving 15 hours to another state to be with her, my concern is that the more time you spend around her the more she is going to trigger your fear of abandonment. I therefore suggest you check with your school to see if you can get professional therapy at a cost you can afford. By the way, why is it that your doctor (psychologist?) said you "cant be diganosed for a few more years"? The average age for onset of schizophrenia traits is 18 in men. I assume you're older than that or you would not be in college.