dragonfire13 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I met a guy at a Meetup event (which is not what I go to these events for, I moved back to my hometown after almost a decade living elsewhere and wanted to make new friends and check out new places). Anyway, I spoke to him briefly at this event he hunted me down after and asked me out. We dated for around 6 weeks, and things seemed to be going great: he constantly initiated contact, dates (to the point where I would turn him down so as not to rush things) and was a gentlemen. We didn't sleep together, but things were heading that way. That was when he dropped the "I'm not really looking for a relationship" line. Visibly put off, he tried to backtrack and say he meant he wanted to take things slow. But the damage was done and I broke things off. What's confusing is the comment came out of nowhere. I was in no rush to jump into a relationship, but for someone to say something like that put my guard up massively. Anyway, I feel like I did the right thing. The thing is, every time I RSVP to a meetup event, he will too (he didn't go to any the whole time we were dating, while I still did). When we're there he only tries to talk to me. I get the sense that he still likes me. It's hard not to be tempted to go back, especially when I don't have much else going on in the romance department and it usually takes me a long time to find someone that I'm interested in. I feel like in the beginning there was so much promise of a real relationship, so now that hope is dashed I feel really hopeless. I also feel like I was slightly shafted: I was perfectly content, plodding along in my single status and enjoying myself, meeting new people. I didn't even think about him after I met him at the initial event. He's the one who chased something romantic, only to disappoint. I guess I'm here to resist the urge to reach out, and to get a harsh reminder that he was not relationship material and that I did the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I dated a girl some time ago who used that same line on me after a couple of dates. We continued to go out, and just when I thought it was going great she broke it off because she suddenly wanted some other guy. Now she has a boyfriend, (not the one she dumped me for but another guy), so the whole "not looking for a relationship" is just bs. You did the right thing. A guy who really wants you, wouldn't want to risk losing you by saying something like that. You're thinking about him because you haven't met someone else yet. Someone who you'll like as much (or even more) than him Link to post Share on other sites
Author dragonfire13 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Thanks for sharing your experience Erik30! I guess I'm just not used to being the one to end things, especially when they seem reluctant to let the situation go, even though he kind of gave me no choice. You're right though and we're worth so much more than to accept a romantic situation that is entirely on someone else's terms, especially if it seems like they may be more into someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 why not be direct and have a healthy conversation over coffee and open up. After you rejecting a few dates he may have put a wall up too so as not to get hurt as he was sensing you pulling away maybe? Or maybe he is just kind of a jerk? But a gentleman is hard to find so if he was good to you, Id maybe revisit the subject and ask his thoughts directly, he might surprise you. I don't think you should settle cause being single is lonely, but you seemed to have liked him too. Life is too short see what his side is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 That was when he dropped the "I'm not really looking for a relationship" line. Visibly put off, he tried to backtrack and say he meant he wanted to take things slow. But the damage was done and I broke things off. Fear makes people do/say things they don't necessarily mean. Could it be he got "cold feet" at the thought of falling for someone? What would it cost you to give him a chance to explain himself...and try again...maybe? He said...let's take it slow...which is normal when you 1st meet someone, but you got defensive and broke it off...because you are afraid to get hurt. Obviously, he's still interested or he'd be somewhere else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fiskadoro Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I met a guy at a Meetup event (which is not what I go to these events for, I moved back to my hometown after almost a decade living elsewhere and wanted to make new friends and check out new places). Anyway, I spoke to him briefly at this event he hunted me down after and asked me out. We dated for around 6 weeks, and things seemed to be going great: he constantly initiated contact, dates (to the point where I would turn him down so as not to rush things) and was a gentlemen. We didn't sleep together, but things were heading that way. That was when he dropped the "I'm not really looking for a relationship" line. Visibly put off, he tried to backtrack and say he meant he wanted to take things slow. But the damage was done and I broke things off. What's confusing is the comment came out of nowhere. I was in no rush to jump into a relationship, but for someone to say something like that put my guard up massively. Anyway, I feel like I did the right thing. The thing is, every time I RSVP to a meetup event, he will too (he didn't go to any the whole time we were dating, while I still did). When we're there he only tries to talk to me. I get the sense that he still likes me. It's hard not to be tempted to go back, especially when I don't have much else going on in the romance department and it usually takes me a long time to find someone that I'm interested in. I feel like in the beginning there was so much promise of a real relationship, so now that hope is dashed I feel really hopeless. I also feel like I was slightly shafted: I was perfectly content, plodding along in my single status and enjoying myself, meeting new people. I didn't even think about him after I met him at the initial event. He's the one who chased something romantic, only to disappoint. I guess I'm here to resist the urge to reach out, and to get a harsh reminder that he was not relationship material and that I did the right thing. I think you are being unnecessarily fickle. Throwaway comments from people when they first begin dating are common. So what he expressed some momentary doubt? You made a choice to hang your hat on that rather than on the other statements he has made indicating he likes you, and since then he has demonstrated a liking for you. Be VERY careful about taking the stern advice you get on LS. Many posters here will scream "NC!" for skimpy reasons... there are a lot of bitter people who equate emotional manipulation with emotional maturity. I mean, you have decided to blow him off because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship one time, but his actions since then have indicated that he wants one? Pride is a funny thing... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Hey, I've had my heart completely ripped out, and yeah, I have some walls too, but I don't run at every little thing someone says or does in the first few dates/weeks. He obviously likes you. Have a straight up conversation. I've said and done the wrong things PLENTY of times when first dating... and I'm a catch Give him a chance if you like him. Just my 2 cents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Risk is involved in all new relationships. I think you jumped the gun, breaking up with him. I'd given him a surprised look that he could have elaborated with his response. Why would he keep on pursuing you? You guys got along well before this one sentence.... Link to post Share on other sites
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