Try Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I respectfully disagree with this. It's your son's wedding day. It's about him and his bride. The decision about whom to invite should be their's alone. I respectfully disagree with this. It's the OP and her husband's marriage. It's about her and her husband. The decision about if they break strict full no contact with the husband's affair partner should be their's alone. Although it is true that it is her son's and his bride's wedding day, and that "The decision about whom to invite should be their's alone", It is also true that she has a right to make her feelings known and to hold her son accountable as an adult for ignoring her feelings on such an important subject to her and her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I respectfully disagree with this. It's the OP and her husband's marriage. It's about her and her husband. The decision about if they break strict full no contact with the husband's affair partner should be their's alone. Although it is true that it is her son's and his bride's wedding day, and that "The decision about whom to invite should be their's alone", It is also true that she has a right to make her feelings known and to hold her son accountable as an adult for ignoring her feelings on such an important subject to her and her husband. In fairness, I said that she has a right to make her feelings known. And I think she should. I'm not sure she has a right to make demands on his wedding day about who gets to be on the invite list. That's my $.02. I respect that others may happen to prioritize the feelings of the mothers and fathers. I just happen to disagree in this instance. Merrmeade can take a variety of opinions and form her own. I remember for my wedding, my inlaws were somewhat insistent that it wasn't going to be "open bar." They had some fear about my friends turning it into some fraternity event. I stood my ground that no one was paying for drinks at my wedding. I won the day. And no one acted like an ass. Frankly, that was my prerogative and I'm glad I stuck to my guns. Parents have a place but it's not their day. Again, just my $.02. ymmv. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) That's my $.02. I respect that others may happen to prioritize the feelings of the mothers and fathers. I just happen to disagree in this instance. Merrmeade can take a variety of opinions and form her own. I remember for my wedding, my inlaws were somewhat insistent that it wasn't going to be "open bar." They had some fear about my friends turning it into some fraternity event. I stood my ground that no one was paying for drinks at my wedding. I won the day. And no one acted like an ass. Frankly, that was my prerogative and I'm glad I stuck to my guns. Parents have a place but it's not their day. Again, just my $.02. ymmv. I think that the problem today is that many people have it backwards, and put way too much priority on the wedding, and not enough priority on the marriage. In the case of the OP, the son's wedding is not nearly the priority to me as helping and supporting the son's parents marriage as they try to heal from an affair. The importance of the husband maintaining 100% no contact with his affair partner is far more important in the long run than the son's wedding, and the son has no right to ask them to break this rule if he values his parents marriage. Again, I believe that marriages trumps weddings when it comes to prioritizing, and you believe the opposite. BTW, who paid for the cost of the open bar you or your in-laws? Edited December 1, 2015 by Try Link to post Share on other sites
Author merrmeade Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Still haven't been able to catch my son alone to have this talk, but plan to by week's end. I rewrote the 'script': Aunt S cheated on Uncle C and on me with your father and lied about it for a long time. Then, with her own values compromised, she refused to be a character reference for you. She has yet to express genuine remorse for any of it to me: - never acknowledged what they did; - continued to dissemble; - wanted me to share the blame and apologize for other grievances; - tried to portray me as the wrong-doer; - portrayed herself as the victim. She remarried at the first opportunity and is hardly family now. Your father ceased contact with her forever when we agreed to reconcile, so neither of us wants to see her there. While we respect that this is your wedding and your decision, we both respectfully ask that she not be invited. We have no objections to your cousins being invited; they've done nothing wrong. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I am still trying to work out my healing and my family’s. I began healing because I thought I wouldn’t have to see her again. I also know that other people’s interpretations and judgments, or lack thereof, on my family’s actions are only important insofar as far as our continued relations with them are concerned. They have nothing to do with what I and my family need. It will only result in drama if she wishes it to be drama. I would invite the cousins, but not her, and in private even make sure they understand that there is no bad blood between you/your husband/your kids and them ... It is supposed to be a joyous occasion, not one where the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife and afterall, it's just cousins and not brother/sister situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
betrayedandhurting Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 she should not be invited. Link to post Share on other sites
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