Girlfriend broke my trust

[Marsattack0]

This past month, my girlfriend and I have been trying to work on our relationship.

It all started when she was telling me she didn't know how she felt and that she was starting to feel disconnected. Anyways things were going till I found out she was texting this guy. She told me he was just an old friend and that he ran into him at her work as his girlfriend was there. I didn't think much of it till I seen how much they were constantly texting each other and how late she was staying up. I found out the guys full name and face booked him and sure enough he didn't have a girlfriend. I approached my girlfriend and I told her I was insecure.

She asked why? So I told her about this guy, then she lied to me and told me it was a girl.

 

That night I decided to go through her phone I knew she was lying to me. Sure enough the two of them were opening up to one another. She was asking him what does he look for in a relationship.

 

I confronted her about it. She was upset for what she did and that she also needed time to forgive me for going through her phone.

 

Now we never fully resolved this conflict because this guy as she still messaging and snap chatting this guy. I would try to bring it up a few times but she would say you don't trust me. So i just tried letting it be.

 

Things have been going good for us but I'm still bothered with her snap chatting and talking to this guy.

 

Last night, I didn't mean to confront her about it since she's out of town with a mutual friend. (I know this girl and see snapchats of them together)

 

Anyways I ended up telling her how I felt and stuff. Then she plays the I don't trust her cards, I told her I don't want to push her away and she says she's been building up walls.

 

She said all he is, is just a friend. No interest.all they talk about is random things. She thought things were good between us.

 

So I just told her well if the roles were reversed, how would she feel that if I was talking to a girl that questioned our trust in the first place and that I still continued talking to that person that jeopardized it.

 

She said she understands, she gets it and that she'll stop talking to him.

 

I logged on to her snapchat this morning just to see if what she's saying is true. They were snapchatting all night, now I don't know what I want to do. I think when she gets home I need to have this same conversation with her. That I want to trust her but she needs to give me clarity by not talking to this guy.

 

I honestly really do love this girl and she tells me she loves me and thanks me for sticking by her side this past month that I'm the love of her life and her only one.

 

Maybe she really didn't see anything wrong with talking to this guy, but I needed to address what's causing me to hurt, which is causing problems of rebuilding this trust.

[Marsattack0]

My girlfriend she also has been diagnosed with depression, she went to get checked out because her mom told her to if she can't pinpoint a reason to why she didn't want to be with me. She loves me but couldn't pinpoint a reason.

 

I wasn't going to say anything about her talking to this guy but I had to as it was hurting me and I'm hoping I didn't make things worst between her and i

[PegNosePete]

Dump her. she is not trustworthy. She lies to your face and doesn't feel bad about it in the slightest. She is a liar and despite being caught out, carries on lying and lying. She will not change. Just dump her.

[Friskyone4u]

Well, you can keep having these conversations, but it appears whoever this guy is, it is "secret" enough to keep texting him and LYING to you.

 

Is that what you want??????

 

And her pictures with her girlfriend mean nothing. He could be standing wright next to them.

 

She has no boundaries that are acceptabvle to you, especially when you know she would not be thirlled if the situation was reversed.

 

Find yourself a new girlfriend who is not a liar. If you do not it will get worse for you wehen she hooks up with him. Real convenient she has never offered to have you meet him

[Marsattack0]

Well I know the guy isn't with her right now because he works at the airport and he was there when I dropped her off but she wouldn't go say hi to him because "she's with me"

 

I don't want to dump her just yet, I think I really want to talk to her in person to solve this situation. Cause I really believe it's her depression that causing her not to see things straight. She probably was up late last night because she couldn't sleep to this situation. I saw that at 3am in the morning she wrote on her ex boyfriends well that committed suicide after they broke up. She wrote that she misses him terribly

She told me before that she wants to be with me and couldn't imagine her life without me but she also needs alone time so she can finally grieve his death.

 

Her mother was in the exact same position I was in, her husband would stay up late messaging another girl. She confronted him about it and now they live. A happy life even though at times they have their moments.

[lolablue17]

I strongly believe that you're being tricked! I'm sure she's cheating on you in one way or another (could be including sex or not, who cares).

 

Yes, it's her lies that make the different, but also her implicit threats that she's building walls only because you ask her legitimate questions about her and that guy, and her connecting between the fact that you don't trust her, and her refusing to answer your questions.

 

I really can't imagine a script which she's not cheating on you. I advice you not to confront her, or to accuse her. Just go. I would have gone after the first lie.

 

If you can hold yourself and you must confront her, do it from a strong position. Don't ask her for anything, don't accuse her, don't ask her to know what's going on... Just tell her it's over, and remain silence. Only after she's chasing after you, begging you to talk to her, only than tell her about your suspicions. In that situation, she will be the one who will urge to justify, begging for the right to talk to you.... because if you confront her like you did until now, you are the weakest guy on earth. You will get no truth, and it's not very sexy to be weak. If you're weak, she will leave you anyway.

[Marsattack0]

It sucks cause I do feel that she loves me the way she has been affectionate with me and stuff. Like I said things have felt pretty good that we were talking about the future. I really think she suffers psychologically and like I want to be patient for her but I also don't want her to be taking to this guy.

 

It maybe weak, but I just need to talk with her when I get back. I'm wanting to work this out. I'm hoping her depression pills will help her see clear.

I just don't know, I'm so confused cause I care about her but I'm also hurting so that's why I addressed things.

 

I believe we can make it work and rebuild that trust. She just has to do what's right.

[TobyBoy]

How old are you and girlfriend and how long have y'all been together?

Live together?

[lolablue17]

It sucks cause I do feel that she loves me the way she has been affectionate with me and stuff. Like I said things have felt pretty good that we were talking about the future. I really think she suffers psychologically and like I want to be patient for her but I also don't want her to be taking to this guy.

 

It maybe weak, but I just need to talk with her when I get back. I'm wanting to work this out. I'm hoping her depression pills will help her see clear.

I just don't know, I'm so confused cause I care about her but I'm also hurting so that's why I addressed things.

 

I believe we can make it work and rebuild that trust. She just has to do what's right.

 

Ok, you are going to talk to her, but what are you going to say? I mean, If you are just going to ask her questions that imply accusations, you let her lead the conversation you initiated yourself. She will hate that conversation, and will want to end it, and dodge the whole event in the good scenario, and in the bad scenario, she will be resentful and might be telling you that it doesn't go well between you and her, she can also break up with you.

 

Instead, try to figure out what exactly do you want, and lead the conversstion to were you want it to be. I guess you want what everybody wants - fidelity, trust, and honesty.

 

You might wanna tell her that without trust, there there will be no relationship. And trust is a thing she must earn, and right now it seems that she's doing the opposite. By promising you to stop talking to that guy, and immediately chatting all night with him, you don't build trust. By telling lies you don't build trust. So if she can't be honest with you, what's the point for anything?

 

You might remind her that when she was depressed and even hurting you by telling you she doesn't want you, you still supported her. It proves that you love her and that you are reliable and can be her solid rock. But what about the other way around? Right now she's only trying to show you how unreliable she is, how you shouldn't trust her, and how unfaithful she is.

 

You might want to tell her that you can forgive, that you can put all of this behind you - but she must come clean here and now, telling everything. If she doesn't come clean, it means she doesn't love you. If you catch her with another lie, it proves that she isn't worth even one minute of your time.

 

that is wht you may want to tell her. Lead it. Don't be dragged.

[Marsattack0]

How old are you and girlfriend and how long have y'all been together?

Live together?

 

I'm 24 and she's 21, we've been together for 2 years

 

Yes we do

[Marsattack0]

Ok, you are going to talk to her, but what are you going to say? I mean, If you are just going to ask her questions that imply accusations, you let her lead the conversation you initiated yourself. She will hate that conversation, and will want to end it, and dodge the whole event in the good scenario, and in the bad scenario, she will be resentful and might be telling you that it doesn't go well between you and her, she can also break up with you.

 

Instead, try to figure out what exactly do you want, and lead the conversstion to were you want it to be. I guess you want what everybody wants - fidelity, trust, and honesty.

 

You might wanna tell her that without trust, there there will be no relationship. And trust is a thing she must earn, and right now it seems that she's doing the opposite. By promising you to stop talking to that guy, and immediately chatting all night with him, you don't build trust. By telling lies you don't build trust. So if she can't be honest with you, what's the point for anything?

 

You might remind her that when she was depressed and even hurting you by telling you she doesn't want you, you still supported her. It proves that you love her and that you are reliable and can be her solid rock. But what about the other way around? Right now she's only trying to show you how unreliable she is, how you shouldn't trust her, and how unfaithful she is.

 

You might want to tell her that you can forgive, that you can put all of this behind you - but she must come clean here and now, telling everything. If she doesn't come clean, it means she doesn't love you. If you catch her with another lie, it proves that she isn't worth even one minute of your time.

 

that is wht you may want to tell her. Lead it. Don't be dragged.

 

Thank you, I was thinking the same way,. She comes back home tomorrow and I just want to be able to figure out before I say anything to her.

[Chi townD]

I don't know, dude.

 

 

It seems a bit too crowded in your relationship right now. And the fact that she will lie to you about him doesn't bode well for your relationship.

[Marsattack0]

I don't know, dude.

 

 

It seems a bit too crowded in your relationship right now. And the fact that she will lie to you about him doesn't bode well for your relationship.

 

I talked with her stepdad and he said don't feel bad for intruding her privacy because she's the one that broke the trust and if she's continuing to message him how are you suppose to rebuild that trust?

 

He also gave me some advice that I should start planning things in case everything falls apart.

I'm going to give her a week, and focus on us. If she is still messaging him behind my back then I'm just going to pack my **** up in my car and leave and print out **** and lay it out on the bed for her.

[SwordofFlame]

Depression turns people into liars??

[lolablue17]

I'm going to give her a week, and focus on us. If she is still messaging him behind my back then I'm just going to pack my **** up in my car and leave and print out **** and lay it out on the bed for her.

 

As long as you control the situation and take the lead, All you decide to do is just fine.

[Space Ritual]

This past month, my girlfriend and I have been trying to work on our relationship.

It all started when she was telling me she didn't know how she felt and that she was starting to feel disconnected. Anyways things were going till I found out she was texting this guy. She told me he was just an old friend and that he ran into him at her work as his girlfriend was there. I didn't think much of it till I seen how much they were constantly texting each other and how late she was staying up. I found out the guys full name and face booked him and sure enough he didn't have a girlfriend. I approached my girlfriend and I told her I was insecure.

She asked why? So I told her about this guy, then she lied to me and told me it was a girl.

 

That night I decided to go through her phone I knew she was lying to me. Sure enough the two of them were opening up to one another. She was asking him what does he look for in a relationship.

 

I confronted her about it. She was upset for what she did and that she also needed time to forgive me for going through her phone.

 

Now we never fully resolved this conflict because this guy as she still messaging and snap chatting this guy. I would try to bring it up a few times but she would say you don't trust me. So i just tried letting it be.

 

Things have been going good for us but I'm still bothered with her snap chatting and talking to this guy.

 

Last night, I didn't mean to confront her about it since she's out of town with a mutual friend. (I know this girl and see snapchats of them together)

 

Anyways I ended up telling her how I felt and stuff. Then she plays the I don't trust her cards, I told her I don't want to push her away and she says she's been building up walls.

 

She said all he is, is just a friend. No interest.all they talk about is random things. She thought things were good between us.

 

So I just told her well if the roles were reversed, how would she feel that if I was talking to a girl that questioned our trust in the first place and that I still continued talking to that person that jeopardized it.

 

She said she understands, she gets it and that she'll stop talking to him.

 

I logged on to her snapchat this morning just to see if what she's saying is true. They were snapchatting all night, now I don't know what I want to do. I think when she gets home I need to have this same conversation with her. That I want to trust her but she needs to give me clarity by not talking to this guy.

 

I honestly really do love this girl and she tells me she loves me and thanks me for sticking by her side this past month that I'm the love of her life and her only one.

 

Maybe she really didn't see anything wrong with talking to this guy, but I needed to address what's causing me to hurt, which is causing problems of rebuilding this trust.

 

You have all the answers you need to know.

 

The ONLY mistake you made in all of this was to tell your GF you were insecure about it. Women don't want a guy who feels insecure so her respect level dropped even lower for you tan it already was by her actions.

 

You should not feel bad about going through her phone. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. And your suspicions were right.

 

You have a liar for a girlfriend. You would be better served by releasing her to her destiny so she can go be someone else's problem.

You can do much better. Get rid of her today and spare yourself unnecessary heartache over someone who does not care about you.

[Space Ritual]

I talked with her stepdad and he said don't feel bad for intruding her privacy because she's the one that broke the trust and if she's continuing to message him how are you suppose to rebuild that trust?

 

He also gave me some advice that I should start planning things in case everything falls apart.

I'm going to give her a week, and focus on us. If she is still messaging him behind my back then I'm just going to pack my **** up in my car and leave and print out **** and lay it out on the bed for her.

 

don't even give it a week.

Why continue this charade?

Just disappear.

[Marsattack0]

As long as you control the situation and take the lead, All you decide to do is just fine.

 

I really should end it, like I seen she just sent him a snap. After she said this to me this morning.

 

"I told you I was going to stop. Do you seriously not believe me or trust me? This whole repeat telling me same things over makes me feel like a child. I get it. I won't talk to him anymore. I told you that.

 

"I've always been there for you and I need you to be there for me" like seriously?! Make me feel like shut that I'm never there for you!? Like you never express yourself to me so joe the hell am I supposed to know!? "

 

I'm thinking I give her this week while I get my plans together as I'd need a new place to stay plus I'm under government assistance for schooling so if I were to drop out and move to my hometown I might have to pay the money back which I don't have.

[Marsattack0]

don't even give it a week.

Why continue this charade?

Just disappear.

 

I'm starting to think about it. I just really want to give her a chance, and if it continues then I'm going to have to leave. I just need a plan as like my post above says. I may owe money for schooling if I have to dropout so I can move back to my hometown.

[Space Ritual]

Sorry to hear that. what a crappy position to be in.

 

I know you want to do everything you can to give her the benefit of the doubt, I truly do. But her actions and lies would give me pause as to giving her any type of third or fourth chance.

 

Dropping out for awhile would be rough. I get that. It took me almost 8 years to complete my bachelors because of money and I had to drop out and re enroll a number of times and due to changes in the course curriculum had to add classes here and there. So I get how awful that can be.

 

I just want to say that your education should come well ahead of someone who seems to have taken you for granted after being together for a couple of years. You CAN begin again. I assure you of that. Just be aware that it will take a lot of hard work on your GF's part to prove her trustworthiness and at such a young age with peer pressures that scream instant gratification it may be too daunting a task for her. I'm just saying that even if after a heart to heart she agreed to do what you ask, that odds are she simply is not capable of doing the hard work that would be involved in rebuilding trust.

[Space Ritual]

I really should end it, like I seen she just sent him a snap. After she said this to me this morning.

 

"I told you I was going to stop. Do you seriously not believe me or trust me? This whole repeat telling me same things over makes me feel like a child. I get it. I won't talk to him anymore. I told you that.

 

"I've always been there for you and I need you to be there for me" like seriously?! Make me feel like shut that I'm never there for you!? Like you never express yourself to me so joe the hell am I supposed to know!? "

 

I'm thinking I give her this week while I get my plans together as I'd need a new place to stay plus I'm under government assistance for schooling so if I were to drop out and move to my hometown I might have to pay the money back which I don't have.

 

Right out of the Cheaters Handbook...

She is shifting the blame on YOU for her actions. She just wants to rugsweep and for you to get over it while she continues to shake her tailfeathers for the next guy o come along who will pay her some attention.

 

I have been where you are. I promise you your life will be just fine as long as you get rid of her. She is not worthy of your affection.

[Marsattack0]

She honestly doesn't see what she's doing wrong.

I'm thinking more on ending it. I just need to get myself prepared

[beach]

I really should end it, like I seen she just sent him a snap. After she said this to me this morning.

 

"I told you I was going to stop. Do you seriously not believe me or trust me? This whole repeat telling me same things over makes me feel like a child. I get it. I won't talk to him anymore. I told you that.

 

"I've always been there for you and I need you to be there for me" like seriously?! Make me feel like shut that I'm never there for you!? Like you never express yourself to me so joe the hell am I supposed to know!? "

 

I'm thinking I give her this week while I get my plans together as I'd need a new place to stay plus I'm under government assistance for schooling so if I were to drop out and move to my hometown I might have to pay the money back which I don't have.

 

Why not find a place to rent a room today?

 

Do you pay rent where you are now?

 

She isnt respecting you. Time to let her go so she can do whatever it is she pleases without hurting you; without the continual lies to you.

 

She doesn't intend to consider how she's hurting your feelings. I would want to remove her completely from my life.

[Marsattack0]

Why not find a place to rent a room today?

 

Do you pay rent where you are now?

 

She isnt respecting you. Time to let her go so she can do whatever it is she pleases without hurting you; without the continual lies to you.

 

She doesn't intend to consider how she's hurting your feelings. I would want to remove her completely from my life.

 

Well right now I'm unemployed as I'm focusing on school.

 

No, we live with her family. They want me to succeed so they don't mind me not paying rent. Plus I help out a lot.

 

I don't want to give her an ultimatum but I just want her to know that I'm willing to leave.

 

Tomorrow when she gets home, I'm just going to talk to her and just reevaluate things.

[beach]

Well right now I'm unemployed as I'm focusing on school.

 

No, we live with her family. They want me to succeed so they don't mind me not paying rent. Plus I help out a lot.

 

I don't want to give her an ultimatum but I just want her to know that I'm willing to leave.

 

Tomorrow when she gets home, I'm just going to talk to her and just reevaluate things.

 

You already did this right? Then she disrespected you again.

 

You expect her to change? She's shown she's not changed/changing.

 

If you want change it must come from you.