Jazzicon Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) Hi, My name is jon and i'm 31 years old married to my wife for 6 years, and we have a son who's 4 years old. I found out that my wife cheated on me and went to visit his university fellow (X) and commited adultery. When i knew and had all the evidence about her regarding this issue. I asked her and she told me few things but when i asked about the particular topic then she told me that she commited adultery. I talked to that guy and he is married too and he in return says to my wife that why you told evrything to your husband and said bad words to her. After 1 week her wife called me again and she said that my husband made mistake and he feels sorry for it. She sent the gifts that they exchanged thrown down on floor and snapshot it to me, which my wife saw too. Let me tell you that the day when I married her I promised to side by side her in all ups and downs. I was tormented and shattered after this incident but I didn't jump to conclusion at once. I took time and thought of all scenarios: 1. One chance should be given to let marriage work through as she told me the truth 2. For my son, how he going to cope with this situation 3. Her sister is married to my brother, what impact will happen to their marriage when they find this out Now the catch is that she tells everything, i mean every single thing to her best friend (marie). When I have to go out of station and her friend comes she discusses the old things with her and cries that ok everything was finished but why sent pictures of thrown gifts in that manner. My wife talks with marie that she has the gift which he gave to me but lied to me earlier regarding this. After knowing this I am tormented and feeling depressed like hell. What is wrong with her, even her friend told her that tell your husband truely regarding gifts. I want suggestions people, what should i do, and how i overcome this situation without jeopardizing this relation to break and remedial solition. The depression is killing me regarding her old memories with her friends. Why is that i always have to ask her and she doesnt tell things to me directly though she trying everything for healthy relation. Regards Depressed soul Edited November 30, 2015 by Jazzicon Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I don't understand much of what you are describing but it seems the bottom line is that the pictures of the gifts they exchanged are making you feel horrible? If that is what you are saying then I say you are angry and sad about your wife having sex with another man - not some picture of gifts. The fact that she committed adultery is the issue. That's what you need to talk about with her and maybe a counselor or clergy. You are hurting and confused right now but try to focus on the real problem. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 If she is still lying to you about the gifts than what else is she lying about. This is not how a remorseful spouse reacts, this is how a cheater that is caught tries to minimize the damage. She is in save her ass mode. You need to talk to a lawyer, protect you children, understand your rights. Any of her friends that knew about her affair but didn't tell you are no friends of your marriage, get rid of them. Have her tested for all STD's, do not have unprotected sex with her until you do. The humiliation of being tested will act as a future deterrent. Remember, she never confessed, she was caught, she only confessed about what you already know about. She lied to you about the gifts, that's a huge concern. Please talk to a lawyer no matter how this turns out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Consider asking her to take a polygraph. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jazzicon Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) If she is still lying to you about the gifts than what else is she lying about. This is not how a remorseful spouse reacts, this is how a cheater that is caught tries to minimize the damage. She is in save her ass mode. You need to talk to a lawyer, protect you children, understand your rights. Any of her friends that knew about her affair but didn't tell you are no friends of your marriage, get rid of them. Have her tested for all STD's, do not have unprotected sex with her until you do. The humiliation of being tested will act as a future deterrent. Remember, she never confessed, she was caught, she only confessed about what you already know about. She lied to you about the gifts, that's a huge concern. Please talk to a lawyer no matter how this turns out. Thanks for prompt reply aliveagain. Today I asked her regarding the gift, basically it was locket. First she went confused then she took me to the room and gave me the locket, and I twisted the plot by saying I'm going to snapshot this locket pic and ask your friend marie. Then she said stop, this is not that locket, she showed me the genuine locket and I asked why you lied, in return she said I was too much frightened to show it again. The story behind again is that when I caught in beginning regarding her adultery I told her to throw away everything that guy gave her. She threw away the other two stuff and told me that she also threw away tge locket. Now when i found out she said i was too scared to show that again. Secondly when I took the locket she said, give me that I shall dispose off it. Why is that she trying to tell me too about the stuff and later safeguarding her interest. Why not understanding that our relation is on verge of shattering even after I forgive her on first place. She says you have a big heart and it was my mistake. Third i overheard that her friend saying that you need to stop crying over the matter when we discuss about your past and you need to talk one last time with him as thats onlynway you can finish everything once for all. She said to me that indont want to talk about my past and i and my friend marie will also not talk about it. Also she said, it will take time but eventually go away. Regards Depressed soul Edited December 1, 2015 by Jazzicon Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Your wife clearly has no problem continuing lying to you. If the roles were reversed and you went and had sex with another woman and put your wife's health at risk for STD's would she be so accepting and forgiving as you have been? What have been the consequences to her betraying you and putting your health at risk for STD's? Have you both been tested for STD's? I get the feeling that you are one of the nice guys. I have a hunch that your wife thought why not go and have sex with another male friend because if she got caught you would forgive her anyway and therefore she really had nothing to lose. Am I wrong? Your wife clearly has not respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 The person who cheats once will do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 The person who cheats once will do it again. Really? I didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I do not think she is truly sorry or has any thought aboht you pain. I do not think you should tolerate this abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Friend there comes a point in time when you have to stop being the nice guy and let the pissed off side of you come out. Your wife already has it figured out that your going to do nothing but hang a long face for a while whistling through the graveyard and once past it everything goes back to the way it used to be. So far she's skipped through this without any notion of consequences for her actions and if that's the case then you just handed her the key to the kingdom. If you feel that the marriage can be saved then she has to be the one to prove to you that it's what she wants, not you proving to her. Honestly, from what you wrote, she hasn't shown a bit of remorse and you you don't start swing the hammer hard, she wont. Your already losing and behind a lap or two the way your going If you feel that you can't trust her with her continual lying then hand her divorce papers and tell her to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Seems like she puts more value on the locket other man gave her over your feelings and is willing to lie to you to keep it. I think you were too quick to forgive. A second chance is a gift that is earned. I don't see from your writing that she has earned another chance. There is nothing noble about staying with a cheating spouse specially one that isn't remorseful. You have to be willing to loose your marriage in order to save it. If she doesn't show you true remorse than there is nothing to save. Maybe she needs some time away from you to see what it will be like if she looses you. Maybe you should send her to her sister for a few weeks. You have only been married 6 years and she has already had an affair, how the hell are you going to last the rest of your life with someone you can't trust? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jazzicon Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Seems like she puts more value on the locket other man gave her over your feelings and is willing to lie to you to keep it. I think you were too quick to forgive. A second chance is a gift that is earned. I don't see from your writing that she has earned another chance. There is nothing noble about staying with a cheating spouse specially one that isn't remorseful. You have to be willing to loose your marriage in order to save it. If she doesn't show you true remorse than there is nothing to save. Maybe she needs some time away from you to see what it will be like if she looses you. Maybe you should send her to her sister for a few weeks. You have only been married 6 years and she has already had an affair, how the hell are you going to last the rest of your life with someone you can't trust? Thankyou mate for backing me up and giving me nice advices. I told her to go to her sister house for few weeks. If things don't get sorted out then I have to tell her family members regarding this issue and come to conclusion. I would also like to thank all other people for supporting in this matter, appreciate it. You people gave me courage to stop acting like saint and take steps to overcome my depression to an extent. Appreciate it guys !! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You have been badly abused. Infidelity is one of the most severe forms of emotional abuse. It is no wonder you became depressed. I would give strong consideration to avoiding this abuse via divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
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