newkidontheblock90 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I have an ex girlfriend I dated for almost a year. She is 35 and I am 25 and she has 3 kids from a previous marriage, whereas me, I have no past marriages or kids. When we broke up she said she was pregnant, lied about having a second child to keep me around. She stalked me and followed me and my friends around while we were broken up. She is difficult and I'm certain she has emotional issues. Also when we broke up she attacked me getting arrested for domestic violence.. I have learned to forgive her and of course we have had sex since then. Now she is pregnant and I have no idea what I should do. I don't want to be with her just because of the child and she won't consider abortion or adoption. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Are you sure its yours? Ask for a paternity test. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDeadpool Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 First I think you should establish if the child is yours or not. It would be terrible if if she was lying about the paternity especially since you don't necessarily want a child. If you are the father you have a responsibility to your child but not the mother. Don't let her guilt you into a relationship. Provide financial support for your child and be an active father whilst it grows up. It's difficult to give sound advice since I don't know her but if she is an impossible person who won't be civil/may demand more money than necessary you may need to make a formal agreement, i.e. Get lawyers involved so that she doesn't unfairly limit the time you can spend with your child/ spend the money you give her on herself. The only reason I say this is because some women who can't get the man to have a relationship with them when they reveal they are pregnant sometimes turn viscous and do all they can to "make them pay." If she's reasonable then just figure it out between the two of you, but try to be an active parent. Many people regret being absent for their children in their younger years, and whilst you may not want a child right now, you might change your mind later. I honestly don't know how helpful I was or even if I gave decent advice but I hope I helped even a little. But remember, don't let her guilt you into a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 On top of the very good advice about establishing paternity, I wonder if you know for a fact that she's pregnant. If so, how far along is she? If it's early days, miscarriage is still a real possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Why would you have sex with her again when you knew she had emotional problems and 3 kids? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author newkidontheblock90 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Thank you for all your information. Yes it is dumb of me to still have relations with her after everything that has happened. I can't judge how a mother raises their children, but she slapped and hit her children in front of me. I have already set ground rules with her now and asked for a paternity test. It is a mess and she has already said "you will have to pay out of your ass"... I will support my child, if it is born, and spend as much time as I can with him/her. I will not get guilt tripped into being in a relationship I know will not work. Thank You. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I certainly can't blame you for not getting involved any further with her. I hope for your sake that you don't get positive results. Then again, it could be the best thing that ever happened to you. You are correct that this is a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Also when we broke up she attacked me getting arrested for domestic violence.. I have learned to forgive her and of course we have had sex since then. Loving the "of course" inclusion, as if having sex with someone who got you arrested is a natural, obvious transition. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You are nothing but a paycheck for her. Why so many men go around having sex without protection and then wondering how they got someone pregnant amazes me, upsets me and also scares me a little. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Thank you for all your information. Yes it is dumb of me to still have relations with her after everything that has happened. I can't judge how a mother raises their children, but she slapped and hit her children in front of me. I have already set ground rules with her now and asked for a paternity test. It is a mess and she has already said "you will have to pay out of your ass"... I will support my child, if it is born, and spend as much time as I can with him/her. I will not get guilt tripped into being in a relationship I know will not work. Thank You. This girl better have been an absolute drop dead gorgeous woman and dynamite in bed otherwise it's pretty clear that you were given all the red flags and warnings, and reason to use caution and definitely protection with her yet chose not to do so. She's a psycho. I'm betting that she's making the whole thing up. If she refuses to take a paternity test then you should relax. She would only refuse or give you a hard time about it if she had something to hide. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Let her have the child, if that's what she choose to do, and then have a paternity test done. If it's yours, then deal with it. Until that time, stop communicating with her. And by all means, do not marry this nut-case. My guess is she's lying and trying to trap you. If she's not lying, she'll soon find out that she just dug a hole for herself. And most importantly, you need to cut off all feelings for this girl. She's bad news and will wreck your life if you continue down this path -- as you can now see. Link to post Share on other sites
cichlid Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 The choice to keep, abort, or adopt is not yours to make, you have no say in the matter. You don't have to be with her because of the child but you do need to support and care for your child to the best of your abilities. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Thank you for all your information. Yes it is dumb of me to still have relations with her after everything that has happened. I can't judge how a mother raises their children, but she slapped and hit her children in front of me. I have already set ground rules with her now and asked for a paternity test. It is a mess and she has already said "you will have to pay out of your ass"... I will support my child, if it is born, and spend as much time as I can with him/her. I will not get guilt tripped into being in a relationship I know will not work. Thank You. You make sure to record her at all times and keep emails that she sends you, texts too. Protect yourself because she seems nasty and will try to screw you over (make you pay tons of money and give you barely any access to your child). Please talk to a lawyer and do the paternity test with his help... You don't want her taking charge of the test...It may not be properly done or she could pay someone off to make the baby yours. (OMG< I watch too much tv! lol) Link to post Share on other sites
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