zombiebait1985 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I’ve been doing well lately but for some reason last night when I went to bed the pain I felt was excruciating. I’ve known my now ex-husband for 12 years, we dated for 3 years (the first full year he was in state prison), and were married for six years. A year ago, mid-October, my suspicions were confirmed when I found out that he had been cheating on me with one of his coworkers for over a year. She is 9 years younger than him, and was supposed to be a friend of mine. I welcomed her into my home, invited her to my daughter’s birthday parties, and when things started to get rocky I texted her confessing my fear that he was going to leave me and our daughter. Just a few weeks later he did just that, and left for her. The divorce was final on November 10th. Receiving the decree in the mail was actually a freeing and happy moment. I can’t say I’m not over him because I am. I don’t love him, I don’t miss him, and I don’t want to be with him. But that doesn’t stop the thoughts that cause my heart to hurt so much. I keep asking myself why wasn’t all of my love, all of my heart, my everything, not enough for him? What is it about be that’s just not good enough? I met a really great guy 7 months ago, we became good friends fast, and I do have feelings for him but he has made it clear that he's not looking for a relationship. I went out wit some friends last weekend and a guy I met at karaoke over the summer was out too and we hit off again. He tried to kiss me and I wanted to kiss him but didn't because all I cold think about was the other guy. I just don't know what to do, or what I want right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 What you went through sounds really awful. You need to stop asking yourself why you were not good enough and understand that it was actually your ex that wasn't good enough. The same thing applies to the guy you met seven months ago. If he doesn't want a relationship, then he isn't good enough for you either. You are free to meet and kiss whoever you like. You have been through a lot. It is time to enjoy yourself and in time meet a guy that is good enough for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 A double betrayal is even more traumatic....sorry you went through this after standing by his side while incarcerated. Don't feel you weren't good enough... your husband just had no value for commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I hit send too quickly. I'm glad you aren't missing him because nobody needs a husband like him. Who knows how long they were sneaking around behind your back. When you meet the right person... you'll be able to date. ...until then just try and socialise with friends and enjoy life the best you can. I often hear of women confiding in friends only for this to happen, but I suspect they were at it before he introduced her to you. A big shame on them for their low morals and disgusting behaviour. You'll be fine in time and it would be fantastic for him to see you loving life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiebait1985 Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Thanks Scarlet and sandy. It's been rough. I really like this guys but after talking to my mom last night I've decided I can't wait around for the guy I like to decide if he wants a relationship with me. So I'm just going to have fun and live my life and try to forget about my feelings for him. He also happens to be my roommate because he had no place to go when he got back from annual training in September. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 But that doesn’t stop the thoughts that cause my heart to hurt so much. I keep asking myself why wasn’t all of my love, all of my heart, my everything, not enough for him? What is it about be that’s just not good enough? The failure of your marriage is less about the quality of your contributions and more about the quantity of his deficiencies. And I'd also guess that, if you're patient, you'll see karma take its toll on the happy couple. Go and live well. As is often said, it's the best revenge... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiebait1985 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thanks. I'm hoping I'll get to see karma in its full, glorious splendor. I'm trying to just get out and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
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