Not being included in Christmas...Big deal or not?

[gabaee]

I was really looking forward to my boyfriend suggesting for me to spend the Christmas holidays (I have 2 days off) with him.

 

I live in Istanbul and he, in Italy. We see each other about twice a month. This past week, after a year, I finally got to meet his family for a short lunch in hhis hometown. And it was his idea. The parents are very traditional and conservative and while they were nice, they werent exactly the warmest people. They were slightly stand-offish but nice and polite.

 

It is not that I want to impose myself to be there with him and his family, but it would have meant alot for HIM to suggest the idea, even if I would not go.

 

When I asked him about his plans for Christmas, he said that he has to stay with his famıly for Christmas and that it will be a very stressful and hectic time. I didnt like him to say that, because it felt to me like he was trying to find an excuses NOT to have me there. Or it could be that he was really meaning that. But in any case, it didnt feel good to hear it.

 

Nevertheless, he is going to come to Istanbul to see me a few days before Christmas and spend time. I am not sure if I should be happy about this or not.

 

I am sad and offended and I dont know if I should make an issue about not being included or if I should act cool. I told him that in any case, I would be going to Germany for Christams to stay with a friend.

 

Would you consider this a deal breaker?

 

Btw, time wise, we have been together for just over a year now.

 

Any insights is appreciated. Thank you

[CarrieT]

How long have you two been a couple?

[gabaee]

Just over a year now.

 

Btw. My birthday is also on December 24 and that is why this is a special time of year for me.

[kgcolonel]

It sounds as though you and he are not yet completely in the same place in the relationship. He is also somewhat restricted in being with his parents but is sacrificing by traveling to see you prior to Christmas. I am thinking you may be looking for too much too soon.

Edited December 1, 2015 by kgcolonel

[emi]

I would be bothered.

My boyfriend is white, and he also said he would have to spend Christmast with his family because his mom wouldnt like it if he went and visit me in that speacial time. So he planned to come and see me on the 25th. But since im comming for him now, he doesnt need to be in such hassel. I know u feel bad. But didnt u say he plan to come to u before christmast? Shouldnt be so bad.

And reason why i say hes white because im Asian. I dont care about Chrismast much so i didnt feel bad about he planned to spend it with his mom.

Edited December 1, 2015 by emi

[CarrieT]

It sounds as though you and he are not yet completely in the same place in the relationship. He is also somewhat restricted in being with his parents but is sacrificing by traveling to see you prior to Christmas. I am thinking you may be looking for too much too soon.

 

I would concur with this. For you, it is your birthday time and a time for togetherness..

 

For him - and possibly his family - it might mean something different and by including you, might imply the relationship is headed to a more serious time (i.e., an engagement?) that isn't quite there for him yet.

[d0nnivain]

If you weren't LD yes, part of the holiday could be spent with a SO of almost a year but even if you were right there, it's not a deal breaker. To bring a new person to Christmas is huge. If you were there his family may put all sorts of pressure on him he's not ready for. His family may also be a nightmare at the holidays.

 

While I'd be disappointed, especially because it's your birthday, if everything else about your relationship is good, don't sweat it just yet. Plan something fantastic for New Years & leave it at that.