oldshirt Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I disagree. It's not about "stuff". It's about protecting my livelihood so I can continue keeping a roof over my head, food in my belly, and clothes on my back. My house nearly went into foreclosure due to my divorce. Not to mention the perks that make life worth living, such as being able to go out to eat and take trips. I want more out of life than just survival. Ensuring my income is not open to another person protects my quality of life. In all your posts you sound like every woman out there comes in with nothing but the clothes on her back and then never works another day in her life. Why is that? Whether you marry again or have another family again is your choice and I have no arguments with how you conduct your affairs. But what I am failing to see here is how if you were to marry a woman of equal or especially greater income than you, how would that negatively impact your survival or lifestyle? My wife's income is at least equal if not slightly higher than mine. Between our shared assets and incomes as well as shared living expenses, our lifestyle is higher than what either of us would be afforded as single and living separately. And I really don't fear divorce as if we were to divorce, it would cost each of us for court fees and lawyer bills etc, but neither would pay any spousal support and we have always shared hands-on child rearing and neither one of us is an unfit parent so there would be no reason not to expect 50/50 custody in my jurisdiction. And since our incomes are so similar, it's doubtful there would be any child support at all if we did in fact have 50/50 custody. This issue here isn't about taking in the shorts because of marriage as an institution it'self here. The issue is the financial burden one would incur if he or she was the sole breadwinner during a long term marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 In all your posts you sound like every woman out there comes in with nothing but the clothes on her back and then never works another day in her life. Why is that? Whether you marry again or have another family again is your choice and I have no arguments with how you conduct your affairs. But what I am failing to see here is how if you were to marry a woman of equal or especially greater income than you, how would that negatively impact your survival or lifestyle? My wife's income is at least equal if not slightly higher than mine. Between our shared assets and incomes as well as shared living expenses, our lifestyle is higher than what either of us would be afforded as single and living separately. And I really don't fear divorce as if we were to divorce, it would cost each of us for court fees and lawyer bills etc, but neither would pay any spousal support and we have always shared hands-on child rearing and neither one of us is an unfit parent so there would be no reason not to expect 50/50 custody in my jurisdiction. And since our incomes are so similar, it's doubtful there would be any child support at all if we did in fact have 50/50 custody. This issue here isn't about taking in the shorts because of marriage as an institution it'self here. The issue is the financial burden one would incur if he or she was the sole breadwinner during a long term marriage. The key words here are "in my jurisdiction". I, too, thought I would get 50/50 time. I was wrong. Where I am, courts favor the mother. Hands down. I've said this many times: my direct experience does not match your assumptions about what would happen to you in divorce where you are located. No amount of you saying "Well, this is what would happen to me" will change what has already happened to me in those circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) Good. The reason why I asked was because I wanted to make sure you were applying that logic consistently. You are. I actually agree with you. I am responsible for making the conscious decision to marry her, no doubt about that. That's a decision that I own every day. Which is another reason why I don't want to marry again. I don't want to repeat past mistakes. But like the woman being beaten by her husband, I shouldn't have to pay for getting out of an abusive relationship. It's bitter pill to swallow when the courts favor your abuser. i've done enough soul searching and therapy to know that a fear hides another fear and so on. It's not about money, it's about allowing yourself to get vulnerable in front of someone and having no one else to protect you. Most people with abusive childhoods get that repetitive nightmare about being completely vulnerable, exposed and with no way out - it makes sense, they are kids, they can't really get away from their parents. Sounds like it's not money, the real real issue, but closeness, vulnerability and intimacy. Money is nothing but an excuse against marriage - argument that I get. How about other meaningful relationships involving the L word ? Edited December 7, 2015 by candie13 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Most of the upper management in my agency are women. In fact, the head of my agency is a woman. And about half of the people in my IT shop are women. What is your occupational field? When I broke my leg in July, 4 out of 5 nurses at the hospital were women. I hardly saw any male nurses. A lot of women are in the low paying jobs.. so yes that probably makes up a lot of the workforce. I'm not saying women aren't high flyers as well.. but look at jobs like waiting tables, Admin assistants daycare assistants and check out assistants.. there are lots of them. . But the pay is low. Most of these jobs are filled by women. Sambo.. I'm just wondering what will be going through your mind when (if) you walk your daughter down the aisle.... Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 anybody dare mention the gender pay gap in the US ? The good news is that they've forecasted it'll disappear, if things make progress at the same pace... in about 118 years, for the US, if I remember correctly . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 How about other meaningful relationships involving the L word ? Only if they're amenable to separate checks from Day 1 ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 anybody dare mention the gender pay gap in the US ? The good news is that they've forecasted it'll disappear, if things make progress at the same pace... in about 118 years, for the US, if I remember correctly . I'd love to have that debate, but that's topic for another thread...not this one. Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 i've done enough soul searching and therapy to know that a fear hides another fear and so on. It's not about money, it's about allowing yourself to get vulnerable in front of someone and having no one else to protect you. Most people with abusive childhoods get that repetitive nightmare about being completely vulnerable, exposed and with no way out - it makes sense, they are kids, they can't really get away from their parents. Sounds like it's not money, the real real issue, but closeness, vulnerability and intimacy. Money is nothing but an excuse against marriage - argument that I get. How about other meaningful relationships involving the L word ? Incorrect. I've had many. The central issue is that I refuse to allow another human adult to be financially dependent on me, or have access to my income and assets. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Only if they're amenable to separate checks from Day 1 ... Mr. Lucky Precisely. As a feminist in another thread said, in dating there is no equality. It's all about personal preference. This is my personal preference. What you think of it is irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) Most of the upper management in my agency are women. In fact, the head of my agency is a woman. And about half of the people in my IT shop are women. What is your occupational field? When I broke my leg in July, 4 out of 5 nurses at the hospital were women. I hardly saw any male nurses. Nuclear industry - research and production (nuclear medicine). Edited December 10, 2015 by Dolfin80 Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Nuclear industry - research and production (nuclear medicine). Okay. I honestly have no clue as to the gender ratios in that type of field, so I can't comment on that specifically. What I can say is that I don't cry foul if there are way more female nurses than men. I see that as more women choose to be nurses than men. Likewise, the inverse would be true in your workplace. Link to post Share on other sites
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