Co-parenting Chaos

[GreatDadAlways]

We are closing in on 3 years from D-day and co-parenting remains a challenge. Our communication is only by texting. In the event that I do need to call she can't go two minutes without completely exploding into vulgar insults.

 

 

100% of the time it's about $$. She get's 60% of my income but still refuses to give me my daughter's Sr. pics that I paid for, contribute 50% of extra curriculars as defined in the decree, or contribute to repairs for my HS sons car.

 

 

What bothers me most is that my children get angry with me when I only pay my half. She tells them look at the house your dad has ... he didn't need that. But she fails to point out that I also drive an old car so I can provide a comfortable home for my children.

 

 

Any advise on dealing with a co-parent who always wants to put the kids in the middle and make me the bad guy? I would go back to court to force the issue but considering they ordered me to pay 60% of my income to her I don't have much confidence in the system.

[xxoo]

Is there a reason you don't share custody?

[Ms. Faust]

 

 

What bothers me most is that my children get angry with me when I only pay my half...

 

None of their business, and it is OK for you to tell them so.

 

 

Any advise on dealing with a co-parent who always wants to put the kids in the middle and make me the bad guy? I would go back to court to force the issue but considering they ordered me to pay 60% of my income to her I don't have much confidence in the system.

 

Was your wife a SAHM, or made significantly less than you? Then that would be why you were asked to pay 60%. I saw in another thread you said that your take home is $2800 which is extremely livable in Ohio, as long as you're not trying to rub shoulders with Wexner in New Albany, or attempting to maintain a high maintenance lifestyle (for the kids, of course).

 

Don't even bother to try to co parent with her, I think you should consider parallel parenting. Some people are just impossible to work with. Good luck.

[Mr. Lucky]

Any advise on dealing with a co-parent who always wants to put the kids in the middle and make me the bad guy?

 

Yes. Live your life, do right by your kids according to your standards and let the rest go. You couldn't make her happy in marriage, don't like your chances of winning her over in divorce. Stop trying...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Josmatjes]

You can't control your ex wife or what she does but you can control your attitude and actions. Eventually your kids will see through all the bull****. Just always do the right thing by them and never say anything bad about their mom to them or discuss money. Good luck!

[Goodbye]

Sometimes the animosity is so high that parallel parenting is the way to go, even with shared joint custody.

 

My decree states that each parent is not to discuss details of the parenting plan and degrade the other parent to the children. My state takes parental alienation seriously and will act with charges of contempt. Of course that involves going to court, usually with a lawyer etc...more money, and more conflict.

 

Often courts have family services that will sit down and define parental alienation to the parents, as well as provide co-parent counseling, or refer out.

 

I have been through a lot of this as I had a very bitter exH (until he remarried and started a new family...now I have full custody). We did a lot of co-parent counseling.

 

The one thing I learned is that it is ALWAYS best to take the high road. Do not engage your kids in the dispute. If they say "Mom says you aren't up to date on your bills and you are cheap etc," a simple "That isn't accurate, we aren't going to discuss parent issues" is enough. Do not bash the Mom, even if you know you are in the right. Ultimately, the parent who acts like the grown up "wins," if there is such a thing as winning. Pay what you are supposed to pay, treat your kids well, don't speak poorly of their mother...they'll figure it out.