Boyfriend is so cheap!

[Makeup4ever]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, things are going great and he's a really awesome guy, we have so much fun together and I can tell he really cares about me. But lately,maybe in the last few months I've been noticing that he's VERY cheap when it comes to me.

 

A little background on him, he's pretty well off in life, he still lives at home with his parents and he doesn't have to buy anything at his house. He drives a really nice expensive car which he never has a problem with (making payments), he also has a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. He pays child support to the mother, on time every month.

 

He has a serious problem spending any money on anybody but himself, and I don't know why. He'll ask me to go out to eat somewhere and expect me to pay for my own food, which I don't mind doing but every time he does this now and it's starting to bother me. Usually we'll go somewhere cheap like Burger King or McDonald's, and he'll tell me he doesn't know what he wants to order so I just order mine first so he doesn't have to pay for it. Or I'll ask him, "babe you got this?" And he'll just look at me so suprised, but if I say I'm paying, he'll just say thanks babe.

 

 

I don't know what to say to him about this, it never bothered me before but now it does. I couldn't imagine being married to him and having to beg him for money to go grocery shopping .. Need some advice ! Thanks

[sandylee1]

He does sound pretty cheap .

 

How old is he? I'm not sure what your definition of well off is.. but if he was really well off he'd be living on his own. Also the child support is an expense as you know.... so maybe he hasn't got loads of disposable income.

 

Or...maybe he rather spend money on himself.... My husband is not flash with cash and that's one thing I wish I could change about him TBH. Having said that he's very responsible and I know our family will always be financially safe....BUT IF paying for Macdonalds is a problem for your BF.... I don't know what to say really.

 

Your BFs tightness would make me think twice about the relationship. A mean man is an unattractive quality.

[Makeup4ever]

He's 28, and by well of I mean, him and his family are pretty wealthy, they're a military family. But even when me him his parents and his child go to the mall he won't even spend $16 on a toy for him, he'll get his parents or me to buy it.

[Redhead14]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, things are going great and he's a really awesome guy, we have so much fun together and I can tell he really cares about me. But lately,maybe in the last few months I've been noticing that he's VERY cheap when it comes to me.

 

A little background on him, he's pretty well off in life, he still lives at home with his parents and he doesn't have to buy anything at his house. He drives a really nice expensive car which he never has a problem with (making payments), he also has a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. He pays child support to the mother, on time every month.

 

He has a serious problem spending any money on anybody but himself, and I don't know why. He'll ask me to go out to eat somewhere and expect me to pay for my own food, which I don't mind doing but every time he does this now and it's starting to bother me. Usually we'll go somewhere cheap like Burger King or McDonald's, and he'll tell me he doesn't know what he wants to order so I just order mine first so he doesn't have to pay for it. Or I'll ask him, "babe you got this?" And he'll just look at me so suprised, but if I say I'm paying, he'll just say thanks babe.

 

 

I don't know what to say to him about this, it never bothered me before but now it does. I couldn't imagine being married to him and having to beg him for money to go grocery shopping .. Need some advice ! Thanks

 

You are not this guy's girlfriend . . . you're just that girl he hangs around with for fun and doesn't have to put any effort into being with. C'mon now, be honest, there are other things about this guy that aren't, well, just the way you hope they would be . . .

 

He has a serious problem spending any money on anybody but himself , and I don't know why. -- He's a selfish person, that's why. His EX is his ex for a reason and I bet you are "seeing" it now. He sounds selfish, spoiled and boorish -- he's well off and his parents are allowing him to live home? Failure to Launch . . . or full of cr*p or both. Has an expensive car and pays child support on time. That doesn't mean he has a lot of money . . . it means he has just enough for those two things and nothing left over for you or anything else . . .

 

Don't be his sugar momma . . .

[Space Ritual]

Generally people that have a lot of money coming out their arse are tightwads. That's why they have a lot of money and that is pretty much all they care about. And they will hold on to it like Grim Death...you won't come between him and his money. Plus you are disposable,as we all are. It's just how it is. He'll simply replace you eventually if you won't go along with the plan with someone that will go along with it.

 

Not trying to be mean, just saying that people that are incredibly rich more often than not seem to be able to toss us peons aside like yesterdays news. I suggest you beat him to the punch and dump him. That would certainly give him something to think about, if just for a moment. And when you do, do it at Dinner and then skip on the bill...lol

[bathtub-row]

Yep, he's cheap but you set yourself up for it by agreeing to this nonsense. If a guy has a problem paying to take you out, I can assure you that there are lots of other insurmountable problems with the relationship. You just haven't seen them yet.

 

A lot of people will say that my attitude has to do with being money centered but, the truth is, the level of a man's generosity - or lack of it - is very telling. I would prefer to date a guy who has very little money but wouldn't dream of asking a woman to pay. I was married to a stingy man once. Everything was about money. He took advantage of his wealthy brother without thinking twice about it. He has zero conscious when it came to freeloading. And he was very subtle about it and always appeared to be such a reasonable, nice guy. But even with the problems he had, I never once paid for a meal when we went out.

 

I think you're making a big mistake by staying with this guy. Because here's a newsflash for you - if Ms Wonderful ever comes along, believe me she wouldn't dream of putting up with a guy like that and your bf would know that and would behave very differently.

[smackie9]

Sorry but there isn't a spell that can be cast to make him stop being a cheap ass.....not even you requesting him to right to his face.

[GreenEyed BlackCat]

I dated a guy who was like this, no payments or mortgage, no child support either and we always went Dutch. I spent two years of my life waiting for him to see we had a future together but he never did. Don't waste anymore of your time on this guy.

[PegNosePete]

Or I'll ask him, "babe you got this?" And he'll just look at me so suprised, but if I say I'm paying, he'll just say thanks babe.

That would totally do my head in. I would tell him this:

 

"Look boyfriend, we've been dating for a year now. I think it's time we stopped counting the pennies between us. Why don't we just take turns in buying each other things? I'll get this one, you get the next, etc."

 

But fundamentally I think it's a sign that he still views you as two individuals rather than a couple. If you were 18-21 then maybe that sort of thing is fine. But in your age range, after a year of dating, that mentality would be unacceptable to me. I would be questioning his commitment. And if he's not committed enough to relax over a few bucks then I'd be thinking very strongly of moving on.

[AspenBaldwin]

Give him a piggy bank as a X-mas present.

[Heatherknows]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, things are going great and he's a really awesome guy, we have so much fun together and I can tell he really cares about me. But lately,maybe in the last few months I've been noticing that he's VERY cheap when it comes to me.

 

A little background on him, he's pretty well off in life, he still lives at home with his parents and he doesn't have to buy anything at his house. He drives a really nice expensive car which he never has a problem with (making payments), he also has a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. He pays child support to the mother, on time every month.

 

He has a serious problem spending any money on anybody but himself, and I don't know why. He'll ask me to go out to eat somewhere and expect me to pay for my own food, which I don't mind doing but every time he does this now and it's starting to bother me. Usually we'll go somewhere cheap like Burger King or McDonald's, and he'll tell me he doesn't know what he wants to order so I just order mine first so he doesn't have to pay for it. Or I'll ask him, "babe you got this?" And he'll just look at me so suprised, but if I say I'm paying, he'll just say thanks babe.

 

 

I don't know what to say to him about this, it never bothered me before but now it does. I couldn't imagine being married to him and having to beg him for money to go grocery shopping .. Need some advice ! Thanks

 

Girlfriend this dude is yucky. You can do better and it won't be hard to do so.

[Lois_Griffin]

Actually, the word 'selfish' comes to mind.

 

He expects YOU or his mommy and daddy (who he's STILL sponging off of at the disgraceful age of 28 years old????) to pay for toys for his own freakin' kid?

 

He lets you buy HIM meals but refuses to buy anything for you?

 

He's clearly a selfish assmunch who seems to think everyone owes him something.

 

I wouldn't be able to respect someone his age still living with mommy and daddy. What the hell is wrong with these people that they still support their adult son? Good God. He's just a couple years shy of 30. What a disgrace.

[mrs rubble]

My ex was exactly like that, I fully expect him to be buried with his cash when his time here ends.

[Makeup4ever]

Thanks for all the responses guys , really appreciate it. I would really like to make things work with this guy though. I was always taught if something was broken, you fix it, not throw it out.. But I'm not sure if this can be fixed, can't raise a man right ?

[smackie9]

My husband had a friend that was so cheap, when everyone put their tip in the pot at the end, he would snatch up a small bill out of it and put it in his pocket so fast not everyone saw him do it lol.

[sandylee1]

In England we say someone like this is as tight as a pig's a**.

 

If you're not worth him spending any of his cash on...... What's the point? I always believe a woman should have her own cash...but he is like Ebenezer scrooge. It will be embarrassing when you go out with other couples and he never steps up to get the drinks. You'll end up spending to cover for him keeping his hands in his pockets.

 

People will start commenting on it........ He needs to realise how tight fisted he is and loosen up.... or you continue to be with a guy who rather you spend..... that's not great at all.

[pteromom]

Thanks for all the responses guys , really appreciate it. I would really like to make things work with this guy though. I was always taught if something was broken, you fix it, not throw it out.. But I'm not sure if this can be fixed, can't raise a man right ?

 

You aren't going to change him.

 

He will always have a 'mine/yours' attitude, and he will always have an interest in protecting HIS stuff/money/interests at the expense of yours.

 

This isn't a marriage (which is where that "if something is broken, you fix it" came from.) In the case of a marriage, you start with something beautiful, it becomes broken, THEN you work on fixing it.

 

But you are STARTING with a big pile of brokenness. You can't fix something that was never together in the first place.

 

Plus it takes BOTH PEOPLE working on fixing it. One person cannot fix it.

 

Does he admit it is a problem? Is he open to doing things a different way? Are you able to even communicate with him about this?

 

The only way to 'fix' it in this case may be to accept him for who he is.

[smackie9]

being financially on the same page is crucial for a relationship/marriage to hold together. You are obviously not compatible in this category...you should be moving on if you want any kind of solid future for yourself.

[bathtub-row]

I would STRONGLY recommend that you get over this 'fix it' thing. What you see is what you get where people are concerned. Except that things will be far worse if you end up with this guy. Everyone is telling you basically the same thing - this guy doesn't value you and he uses people. If you refuse to do the work now and extract him from your life, you're going to "pay" later (pun fully intended).

 

In the future, if a man doesn't readily pay to take you out on a date, pay your portion of the bill, thank him for a nice evening, and drop him like a bad habit. I will say it again -- the lack of generosity in a man is very telling. The inability in a woman to be discerning about who she allows into her life says a lot about the quality of life she will have in the years to come. Being overly nice and understanding is the downfall of most women.

[No Limit]

You want to know why he's cheap?

 

Because he's broke! If he wasn't living with his parents he'd be homeless. And he most certainly would have never been able to save money to buy his fancy car.

 

Not everything that shines is gold. His baby mama probably had to learn that the hard way.

[Cherryz]

Is there another word then cheap?

Cause i thougth cheap people spent little or very little at least on you.

 

But sounds like he spent nothing! And is not planning to do so.

 

Beside hes grown man with son that live with mommy?hmm

What about selfish?

 

We dont know his reason but a normal guy will atleast pay once. Or feel little ashamed to never pay for his gf.

Maybe he just with you for companion and not for anything serious so he not even spent (waste) a dollor on you.

 

And when you inlove the truth is often there but you not pay attention.Maybe now your eyes are opening and you see this is not ok and what i look for in a relationship.

People like this wont change easily or much. So choose to stay or go.

 

But first have a serious and open conversation with him about this. And see what he say and what happen.

[m.snow]

its 2015 and asking men to pay for a meal?

 

if he is paying for his own meal that's not cheap, whats cheap is you asking him to pay for your meal.

 

whats cheap is asking someone else to pay for your meal.

 

girl just coz he is rich doesn't mean he has to pay for your meal.

 

its chivalrous and courtesy for a man to pay for the first date. but if your constantly expect.

 

are you dating coz he is rich? are you dating for the money.

Edited December 8, 2015 by m.snow

[nadzz]

I recently got out of a relationship and I was relieved because the guy was EXTREMELY cheap. If he hadn't ended the relationship, I would have eventually because the cheap thing is a huge turn-off.

At the beginning of our relationship, I thought he was testing me to see if I would pay for things or if I was spoiled but eventually I realized that he wasn't testing me, he wanted me to pay for everything. He even thought that if he made the effort to come to my neighborhood that I should pay for dinner every time.

It's hard to be sexually attracted to someone who doesn't take care of his woman...keep this in mind.

 

And no, I don't think the man should pay for all things at all times, but most of the time or even more than half of the time at least!

[sandylee1]

He might as well be a FWB if he's that tight. Really... What's the point of dating if the guy can't treat you to a meal or other night out and always holds on to his money.

 

What you are seeing is your future with him... but he's probably the type to date eternally because he's too mean. Don't ignore the obvious.

[Keke1]

I think women should want to pay for the meal every once in awhile. Especially if the guy is always paying. I had a girl who expected me to pay because she was taught that men should. Well after her not ever even attempting to pay for anything it rubbed me the wrong way. I probably would have declined but to not even offer is disrespectful to me. It turned into a- I want to go out but if you don't have the money we're staying in thing. I don't think that's right but maybe it's just me.