Vilgefoz Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (for moderators: I hope I post to correct section. If not, please feel free to relocate topic to proper one) Hallo, maybe this question is old as humanity itself but I like to hear new answers to old probelms as I believe no one has a real cure for it... so let's improve what we got. My problem: It might sound pathetic but I think I have been bitten too many times... In my life I had only one encounter that did end up with satisfaction, some end up rather neutral but most of them left me standing alone in a rain, sad, bitter and hurt. Simply, as one song says "I am a dog that has been beaten too much". I know the usual answer would be a) give it a time, time will heal everything and b) just wait for the Right One and all pain will erease from your life forever. a) is true, that is right but b) is simply not happening (in my age of 27) and all attempts I can remember (those that were important for me) ended up in pain. Last two of them just one day ago... I don't want to get stuck forever in endless cycle of getting hurt - getting recovered - trying to find somebody else and getting hurt again. I would like to walk off the place with feeling "I did what I could, no regrets" but that seems do not work for me... how can I change that? So far my mindset is: "You failed because you are not prepared enough. You need to become better, more valuable for others!" - the problem with this mindset is I pushed it so far getting better is very hard now and when I loose motivation after few weeks I quickly get where I was... and the position-likely-to-fail quickly become reality for me again. Areas I work on are usually my physique, my social skill (mostly assertive confident speech, trying to understand people and maintan the best relationships with them), positive impact on people around me and above all: knowledge, education, wisdom. I do not work much on social status and monetary possesions as they mean little value for me. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Glass Hut Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I am with you brother. Don't think you're alone. Keep up the good fight, or figure out if you're going after the wrong type. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
parkwest Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Thomas Edison went through quite a few failures before he found the proper filament for a light bulb. He didn't think of the experience as failures. He said he had learned thousands of things that would not be filaments for a light bulb. Don't go about "improving" yourself to be more compelling to someone else. Do it from a posture of something you want to do. Additionally, even in a relationship, prioritize your needs and self in the relationship. Do not compromise everything in the guise of trying to please the other person. Neither will be happy. Now, I am an advocate of improving things that allow you sustain your relationships. Communication, empathy, listening skills, discernment. I don't know if you are employed, but...do you think of the companies that rejected or never responded to your resume, or do you think about the jobs you have? I ain't gonna lie, rejection sucks. But I am not going to waste time on people that are not interested in me. Let me focus on those that are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) your mindset works for you..... keep earning it : P But the way i see it, is that people either like or they don't .... Edited December 2, 2015 by casey.lives 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Thomas Edison went through quite a few failures before he found the proper filament for a light bulb. He didn't think of the experience as failures. He said he had learned thousands of things that would not be filaments for a light bulb. Don't go about "improving" yourself to be more compelling to someone else. Do it from a posture of something you want to do. Additionally, even in a relationship, prioritize your needs and self in the relationship. Do not compromise everything in the guise of trying to please the other person. Neither will be happy. Now, I am an advocate of improving things that allow you sustain your relationships. Communication, empathy, listening skills, discernment. I don't know if you are employed, but...do you think of the companies that rejected or never responded to your resume, or do you think about the jobs you have? I ain't gonna lie, rejection sucks. But I am not going to waste time on people that are not interested in me. Let me focus on those that are. Thank you. To your question - most usually I am self employed. I used to be employee a few times but this stuff simply does not work for me... It's easy to keep a chin up when you try to invent something and you fail - there is nothing personal in it, you simply did something wrong and everybody else who would do the same will fail. But women... that is personal and that's why it hurts so much. Listening and communication skill... Yes, these are very important. It will soud bad but in terms od dating, I rarely have use for them as I rarely make it through few casual talks. Maybe it sounds I am some sort of creep or something but simply, I guess I am not interesting for woemn for reasons... I call it pre-selection. I don't have female friends and my friends does not introduce me to their female friends (for whatever reasons). Most of my time I keep relationship with people on professional level because that's who I am and that's what I like. So communication skill in business - abvsolutely essential. In dating... I feel it very unsused. Virtually: no women ever told me I am "smart" or "curious" or "ambitions" etc., yet I consider these traits for foundation of my personality. If any women noticed anything about me it's aither look and social soctus, bot rather average and so she decided to leave things for somebody others... nevertheless I will keep thinking what you say and try to figure out how it will work for me. Meanwhile, thank you for your response ParkWest Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 your mindset works for you..... keep earning it : P But the way i see it, is that people either like or they don't .... Thank you. Yes, you are right. I don't know, male friends appractate these things on me - like being good in somethng or so. Female ones... My impression is that competition in modern world is simply so high there is no need for them going deeper to explore personality once they don't find interesting what they see after first glance... so I never make it to second level, dating. where people could start liking my features more... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Thomas Edison went through quite a few failures ... Also I would like to add that most of my time I am not trying to impress anyone. I am just trying to be myself and people will either like it or not. Dunno... maybe my values are not interesting for women I met. Maybe I am meeting wrong women?... Link to post Share on other sites
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