Struggling to make sense

[Lostinlovexx]

My ex girlfriend lost her mother after a short battle with cancer, and she quit her job to look after her. I helped all I could trying several other methods to cure her. We were incredibly close during her illness, then she sadly passed away. My ex got very distant in the next year but we still talked everyday on the phone, and seen each other only at social events, she found it depressing to just sit and do nothing. I tried my best to understand her and was there for whatever she needed.

 

As time went on we seen each other less, I was giving her space, but we were still a couple. We had some fights while drunk and I stupidly broke up with her, but didn't mean it at all. I guess the frustration from the distance came out. The next day I apologised profusely and she was ok, but didn't want to get back suddenly. She was hurt and angry, and I felt terrible. We had a few months of limbo, talking to each other every day, Saying we love each other and going out socially, kissing, having sex etc. We then talked about having the label back on. She said she just needed to be alone, but wanted me in her life every day.

 

I booked a trip away myself, before I went we had an amazing day together which felt as a couple. She talked about how much she loves me and always envisioned us getting married. While away we talked and she said she still needs to be alone. We talked about how distant she'd been and she was shocked and didn't even realise it, and apologised, and I apologised too for upsetting her. We both cried still saying how much we love each other. We went out last night and had an awesome night. We had a lot of fun and she was keen to get pictures of us posing together on Facebook. (99% of her/our friends still assume we're still a couple and know nothing of this) She wants me to have Christmas with her too.

 

My head and heart say just be patient and things will work out. She was upset I didn't propose to her in the relationship, and I am so keen to marry this girl. I knew in the first week of our 3 years, and she did too. I just wanted us to develop a little more.

 

I know grief affects everyone differently and if anyone can advise if I should continue to just be there and hope we can get fully back together. Is she just really confused with how the cruelty of life has affected here? I love this girl so much and want to spend my life with her, like we always planned.

 

Thankyou

[d0nnivain]

If you want to spend your life with her, why aren't you proposing? I don't get that. I suppose some part of her will be upset that her mother didn't see her married so your timing could be an issue. She feels very unstable with her mother's passing because her world collapsed. She is struggling to find her place in it. Help her. Show her you are willing to be her anchor.

[Lostinlovexx]

As soon as we get back together, I'll be proposing. She wanted me to propose when her mother was still with us, and after taking a lot of advice, decided I shouldn't. She resents me for it and I massively regret not listening to her and other people.

 

Just at the moment she goes from talking like we're on the right track, to us maybe never reconciling as a couple. I can tell she's just so confused. Asking me to have Xmas with her is massive to me, and tells me you don't ask people to spend it with them, unless she's edging more towards us back together. Am j being overly optimistic?

 

She also told me about a guy from work inviting her out of town with his friends, she took her friend but she pointed out to him she wasn't interested, she still loved me etc. She told me this the other night and seemed to feel guilty, even though she done nothing wrong. Funnily enough a girl I work with has made advances towards me, i blew her off. I told my ex and she wanted to see the messages between us, but I deleted them. Again, did nothing wrong but she seemed very jealous.

 

It's all so confusing. Just want us back on track, and her to realise I'm not going anywhere.