wife having affair with brother

[Marc878]

Plan B has gone now your stbxw is in the reality of plan A.

 

The excitement will wear off quickly. Plus the truth coming out all at once will be painfull for all.

 

Be prepared as she will probably dig in and fight for the comfortable life of plan B, you.

 

You'll be promised the moon even though she betrayed you for 14 years.

 

The question is could you ever have this for the rest of your life?

 

If not better pe prepared to turn to stone as far as she's concerned and move on to another life of your choosing.

 

There are better out there.

 

Nice job on ho you handled this btw. Most would have waffled, taken awhile to figure it out. You will move on quicker this way.

Edited December 12, 2015 by Marc878

[doublebetrayal]

Well things have gotten really intense since I published the news to my family. I did tell my parents face to face about it all, just as I sent that email I went downstairs to break the news to them. They were completely shocked and really dissappointed in my brother and wife. My mother even cried because she thought she had raised all of us to be decent people, dad and I comforted her that it wasn't her fault. All my siblings were not happy with my brother and wife, plus it turns out he had made a few passes at one of my other brothers wife. She didn't want to ruin her husbands relationship with his brother and kept quiet about it, but since my exposure, it gave her the chance to tell her husband... lets just say he was pissed, he went over to scumbags house and gave him a couple of punches, luckily wife and her parents were there to stop him from hurting him any further.

 

They have all expressed their wish for scumbag bro and stbxw to not attend our Xmas function this year. So it seems they have been ostracised by the family. Stbxw's parents were really ashamed and expressed their deepest apologies on behalf of their daughter. I told them it's not their fault and that they would always remain in my heart they are welcome anytime to my home, I love them. Even her siblings were also sorry, but apparently one of them knew about it guess I won't be having anything to do with her.

 

My parents advised them both to take a time out from everyone and everything for at least a couple of weeks to let the everyone enjoy the festive season without any drama. They were reluctant to that idea apparently but it seems they accepted in the end.

 

So now as it stands:

- everyone is heart warmingly supportive of me

- the xmas function is going ahead

- WW and scumbag bro are leaving for Vanuatu in a few days coming back after new year, arrangements with family members have been made to help each other out with the kids while they are both gone.

- I will worry about divorce after new year, for now I just want to spend time with my family

 

I'm surprisingly happy despite everything i've been through. My house is already jam packed with my kids cousins and some of my siblings plus their spouses. We are all having a good time and although I have my moments, I am thankful that DDAY happened around this time of the year. Weather is good, kids are happy to spend time together running a muck lol ans us adults are always having a laugh, glad that hasn't changed.

 

Is it weird I feel sorry for WW and my scumbag brother? I don't know why I feel sorry for them tbh.. I hope they can sort themselves out in Vanuatu and deal woth their demons by themselves. Overall, I think things are going to be ok.

 

As for my kids... oldest son still wants nothing to do with his mother but the younger ones are sad that their mum will not be around for xmas although they understand what she did, i'm glad they still love her anyway, because I wouldn't want them to live life hating their mother. Sorry for the long post, I hope it's some good news, I appreciate your sympathy. Thank you LS!

[Marc878]

Looks like it worked out as well as could be expected. You handled this better than most would have. The truth is best. It has a way of fixing things.

 

Be carefull. I suspect after the shock wears off rage and anger will set in. This is a long and horrible betrayal and I suspect nothing will cure this for you.

 

She's not worth your time and effort to worry over. I would spend my time planning out what I wanted for the rest of my life without her. There are much better out there as you'll soon find out. But you do need to take s year or so to figure this out.

 

Sorry you are here and I wish the best for you and your family.

 

Good luck

[road]

Well things have gotten really intense since I published the news to my family. I did tell my parents face to face about it all, just as I sent that email I went downstairs to break the news to them. They were completely shocked and really dissappointed in my brother and wife. My mother even cried because she thought she had raised all of us to be decent people, dad and I comforted her that it wasn't her fault. All my siblings were not happy with my brother and wife, plus it turns out he had made a few passes at one of my other brothers wife. She didn't want to ruin her husbands relationship with his brother and kept quiet about it, but since my exposure, it gave her the chance to tell her husband... lets just say he was pissed, he went over to scumbags house and gave him a couple of punches, luckily wife and her parents were there to stop him from hurting him any further.

 

They have all expressed their wish for scumbag bro and stbxw to not attend our Xmas function this year. So it seems they have been ostracised by the family. Stbxw's parents were really ashamed and expressed their deepest apologies on behalf of their daughter. I told them it's not their fault and that they would always remain in my heart they are welcome anytime to my home, I love them. Even her siblings were also sorry, but apparently one of them knew about it guess I won't be having anything to do with her.

 

My parents advised them both to take a time out from everyone and everything for at least a couple of weeks to let the everyone enjoy the festive season without any drama. They were reluctant to that idea apparently but it seems they accepted in the end.

 

So now as it stands:

- everyone is heart warmingly supportive of me

- the xmas function is going ahead

- WW and scumbag bro are leaving for Vanuatu in a few days coming back after new year, arrangements with family members have been made to help each other out with the kids while they are both gone.

- I will worry about divorce after new year, for now I just want to spend time with my family

 

I'm surprisingly happy despite everything i've been through. My house is already jam packed with my kids cousins and some of my siblings plus their spouses. We are all having a good time and although I have my moments, I am thankful that DDAY happened around this time of the year. Weather is good, kids are happy to spend time together running a muck lol ans us adults are always having a laugh, glad that hasn't changed.

 

Is it weird I feel sorry for WW and my scumbag brother? I don't know why I feel sorry for them tbh.. I hope they can sort themselves out in Vanuatu and deal woth their demons by themselves. Overall, I think things are going to be ok.

 

As for my kids... oldest son still wants nothing to do with his mother but the younger ones are sad that their mum will not be around for xmas although they understand what she did, i'm glad they still love her anyway, because I wouldn't want them to live life hating their mother. Sorry for the long post, I hope it's some good news, I appreciate your sympathy. Thank you LS!

 

 

 

See how exposure turned out to uncover more truth? You got to feel good about that. The family is now protected from further damage from the OM.

[merrmeade]

I'm really, really happy your family is there for you at this time. It's exactly what should happen. I've triggered like crazy with your story but also in remembering the huge relief I felt when I finally told my brother, the last of my FOA. Huge but not as good as finding out sooner would have been. You have time and will find a good woman at some point.

[afoolto no end]

good for you, the truth is the only good in all of this, so many lies for so many years.........never again......only truth ......

you have taken the higher road here and your family will respect you for your strength in handling this the right way with the truth, they will respect you for being a good father........keeping your children's interest at heart first and foremost.........

It is very natural to feel sorry for others who have destroyed their own lives. But there is nothing you can do now or could do before, these are their decisions and they need to figure out the consequences they are going to have to live with.....life is no longer or ever going to be good for either one of them.....

As far as the kids, give them the facts, answer all questions honestly and let them process and decide on their own how they handle things from now. Make sure they know they can come to you with any of their feelings and you together can work through them.....

Don't let any more lies hurt them..

I would let the lawyers handle everything from here.

For now just breathe, just decompress and try to find joy in family......Start focusing on you and your new normal........

Your wife and brother are in their own hell right now and there is no way out.......

((hugs))

[OldRover]

Wow DB,

 

You really handled this well and should be an inspiration for others in similar situations. Your tactful planning, exposure and the way you handled family was excellent.

 

Hope you and your family have a great holiday, you'll need that, and the support of your family (which you have) to get through this.

 

Hope the best for you going into the new year, and keep posting here. There are a lot of good folks here that can offer you support getting through this, and there will be challenges.

 

The kids will probably be the biggest concern, as they are impressionable, and minimizing damage will take an effort.

[aliveagain]

Well let's hope for your STBXW's sake that when your other brother went over to scumbags house he didn't put the boots to his dangly parts, wouldn't want to see your wife's holiday ruined because his penis was too black and blue to perform. I am sure they will have all kinds of time to think about how sh*tty their lives have gotten and how she's going to be able to look her kids in the eyes again. I'm sure being wife number 5 will be special for her. What a bunch of losers, you deserve so much better.

 

Well now I know why you post at 4:30 am, I've always wanted to visit Australia. Stay strong, you handled everything well, you kept the respect of your children and family. Pack up her stuff while they are gone and have other family dump it at scumbags house.

[OldRover]

Well let's hope for your STBXW's sake that when your other brother went over to scumbags house he didn't put the boots to his dangly parts, wouldn't want to see your wife's holiday ruined because his penis was too black and blue to perform. I am sure they will have all kinds of time to think about how sh*tty their lives have gotten and how she's going to be able to look her kids in the eyes again. I'm sure being wife number 5 will be special for her. What a bunch of losers, you deserve so much better.

 

Well now I know why you post at 4:30 am, I've always wanted to visit Australia. Stay strong, you handled everything well, you kept the respect of your children and family. Pack up her stuff while they are gone and have other family dump it at scumbags house.

 

That's really a good idea. There's no point in spending any more time with her than is absolutely necessary.

[stillafool]

Your wife is as big a scumbag as your brother. So she is more than your STBXW at this point. Afterall she is the one who took vows with you. You notice even though your other brothers wife was hit on by your scumbag brother she wasn't slutty like your scumbag wife and fell into bed with him. And, no your bother isn't a bigger scumbag than your scumbag wife in this as they both share equally in the demise of your marriage.

[salparadise]

They have all expressed their wish for scumbag bro and stbxw to not attend our Xmas function this year. So it seems they have been ostracised by the family.

 

My parents advised them both to take a time out from everyone and everything for at least a couple of weeks to let the everyone enjoy the festive season without any drama. They were reluctant to that idea apparently but it seems they accepted in the end.

 

Reluctant? What did they expect- everyone sitting around laughing and socializing with them as if nothing had changed... and for you to stay away to avoid having to look at them playing kissy face? Hopefully they will continue to be ostracized for the foreseeable future so you can enjoy the support of your family.

 

I'm surprisingly happy despite everything i've been through. My house is already jam packed with my kids cousins and some of my siblings plus their spouses. We are all having a good time and although I have my moments...

 

It's good that you have the family all around you now, but brace yourself- this is going to take some time to process and you'll certainly have some ups and downs in the process. Talking it out helps, so talk with the ones who offer, and then be prepared for the solitude when they've all gone back home.

 

Sounds like you're doing ok. Wishing you all the best, or as good as it can be under the circumstances.

[CantCook]

- WW and scumbag bro are leaving for Vanuatu in a few days coming back after new year, arrangements with family members have been made to help each other out with the kids while they are both gone.

 

So after being outed in their disgusting affair, your brother and your wife have run off on vacation together? They're proclaiming to your family "we're a couple".

 

The brass balls on those two, wow.

 

-----

 

I mentioned your story to my wife, and that other posters had asked about paternity. My wife's reaction "DB can't ever let his kids find out their awful uncle is their father, he should protect them from that".

 

Me on the other hand (more selfishly) I think I would need to know how deep my wife's betrayal went, I'd need to know the paternity.

 

Tough call, so sorry DB.

[Cephalopod]

The

So after being outed in their disgusting affair, your brother and your wife have run off on vacation together? They're proclaiming to your family "we're a couple".

 

The brass balls on those two, wow?

 

My thoughts exactly. The fact that they hooked up immediately proves that they had probably been planning to leave their respective spouses for some time but could never figure out the right way or right time to do so. Now that the cat is out of the bag, it is probably a huge relief. They can now run off and do what they have been wanting to do for a decade.

 

What I do not understand is why her parents are putting those two scumbags up at their house. You would think they would want no part of the OM.

[sidney2718]

Don't be a bit surprised when your wife comes back from her "vacation" and tells you that it is all off and that she wants only you. She'll cry and beg and throw herself on your mercy.

 

Given the OM's track record with wives she won't want to be stuck with him and him alone. He was fine as long as she had someone stable and huggable to go home to. If she's wanted to marry him she's had plenty of opportunity to divorce you and do so in the past.

[sidney2718]

So after being outed in their disgusting affair, your brother and your wife have run off on vacation together? They're proclaiming to your family "we're a couple".

 

The brass balls on those two, wow.

 

-----

 

I mentioned your story to my wife, and that other posters had asked about paternity. My wife's reaction "DB can't ever let his kids find out their awful uncle is their father, he should protect them from that".

 

Me on the other hand (more selfishly) I think I would need to know how deep my wife's betrayal went, I'd need to know the paternity.

 

Tough call, so sorry DB.

 

Given the fact that they are brothers, it may be hard to simply determine paternity of the kids.

[Cephalopod]

Given the fact that they are brothers, it may be hard to simply determine paternity of the kids.

 

It can be done. It may cost a bit more but it can be done if he wants to.

 

I work for a bioengineering company that makes equipment for DNA research. Those geneticists are very very good at what they do, believe me.

[afoolto no end]

in the end they are his kids, whatever the tests prove or don't prove.

.......it might be something I wouldn't want to know .........

[Marc878]

Knowing not knowing??? A unique situation. Not sure what would be best at this point. Ugh, just ugh.

 

Maybe knowing but accepting them as yours. This totally sucks!!!!!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Even her siblings were also sorry, but apparently one of them knew about it guess I won't be having anything to do with her.

 

 

Not that the STBXW's sister really matters a whole lot, but why exactly is she somehow the bad guy ??

 

It would be one thing if the STBXW had been cheating on you for 6 months, and her sister knew about it, and didn't tell you... but the more time approaches 10 to 14 years, the more she should reasonably have deduced that you knew about it, and were looking the other way.

 

 

Furthermore, when choosing sides in your marriage, that woman would be absurd not to opt for that of her sister. (which is another given) Why elect to turn your nose up at her for givens?

 

NOT that it matters a whole lot from here forward.

[Marc878]

Not that the STBXW's sister really matters a whole lot, but why exactly is she somehow the bad guy ??

 

It would be one thing if the STBXW had been cheating on you for 6 months, and her sister knew about it, and didn't tell you... but the more time approaches 10 to 14 years, the more she should reasonably have deduced that you knew about it, and were looking the other way.

 

 

Furthermore, when choosing sides in your marriage, that woman would be absurd not to opt for that of her sister. (which is another given) Why elect to turn your nose up at her for givens?

 

NOT that it matters a whole lot from here forward.

 

The truth always matters no matter what. I'd ditch her too

[road]

Not that the STBXW's sister really matters a whole lot, but why exactly is she somehow the bad guy ??

 

It would be one thing if the STBXW had been cheating on you for 6 months, and her sister knew about it, and didn't tell you... but the more time approaches 10 to 14 years, the more she should reasonably have deduced that you knew about it, and were looking the other way.

 

 

Furthermore, when choosing sides in your marriage, that woman would be absurd not to opt for that of her sister. (which is another given) Why elect to turn your nose up at her for givens?

 

NOT that it matters a whole lot from here forward.

 

Total false assumption.

 

 

Whether the affair was a one night stand or started from before their honeymoon and the OM is the biological dad for all of the kids, to what the SIL knew and when she did know it does not matter.

 

 

What matters is that the SIL withholding the truth shows that she was no friend to her BIL/BH/OP, his marriage, or his immediate family.

 

 

The SIL from the time she has found out and kept the truth hidden allow this BH to continue to be attacked by the WW and the OM, and you claim that the SIL's hand are free of blood.

[kgcolonel]

Road, I completely agree with you. She was about the same as a accomplice is here in the states. "I knew she was cheating on not just him but the KIDS with his POS brother" but I aided this by keeping quiet. I understand that there may be some who would say "it's none of my business" and in my opinion, that is what is wrong with society today. If there was more concern of being exposed, there would be more careful thought before being this selfish and destroying the families of those around.

 

I also see the vacation and an "in your face" act by the two POS. They fully deserve each other and all the Sh_t they bring to the table.

 

 

Sorry DB....you acted admirably here.

 

Also, sorry about my tirade, i supposed i am incensed at the incredible insensitivity of the two....unbelievable!!

[LostOnes05]

DB after reading all of this I gotta say, you're like my hero for how you've handled it!! I wish you the absolute best!

[beatcuff]

while i am with Tara about the email (should not have been done that way) it was a fairly tame and matter of fact. at least you told your parents first.

 

but the OP still does not comprehend how D works (at least in most US states). i have not seen 'my attorney said'. But this:

 

and to answer a question, I had my business established before we met, and everything was purchased (house, cars etc.) by me before we were married. I was very careful in protecting myself and my assets, no prenup required that way.

 

is nonsensical to this:

 

Married for 16 years

 

so you have made no major personal purchases for the last 16 years? seriously you have not purchased a car in 16 years (you better have otherwise it will actually be worse for you)? your business has made no fixed asset purchases for the last 16 years? your business has not grow in the last 16 years?

 

you got caught up in the 'thrill' (egged on by some posters), you certainly have won the battle but may have lost the war.

 

hint --- depending on where you live: i would expect to her to be awarded 50% of the appreciation of the business and home since you were married. oh and wait for discovery --- the paperwork collection will be overwhelming.

[aliveagain]

Well things have gotten really intense since I published the news to my family. I did tell my parents face to face about it all, just as I sent that email I went downstairs to break the news to them. They were completely shocked and really dissappointed in my brother and wife. My mother even cried because she thought she had raised all of us to be decent people, dad and I comforted her that it wasn't her fault. All my siblings were not happy with my brother and wife, plus it turns out he had made a few passes at one of my other brothers wife. She didn't want to ruin her husbands relationship with his brother and kept quiet about it, but since my exposure, it gave her the chance to tell her husband... lets just say he was pissed, he went over to scumbags house and gave him a couple of punches, luckily wife and her parents were there to stop him from hurting him any further.

They have all expressed their wish for scumbag bro and stbxw to not attend our Xmas function this year. So it seems they have been ostracised by the family. Stbxw's parents were really ashamed and expressed their deepest apologies on behalf of their daughter. I told them it's not their fault and that they would always remain in my heart they are welcome anytime to my home, I love them. Even her siblings were also sorry, but apparently one of them knew about it guess I won't be having anything to do with her.

My parents advised them both to take a time out from everyone and everything for at least a couple of weeks to let the everyone enjoy the festive season without any drama. They were reluctant to that idea apparently but it seems they accepted in the end.

 

So now as it stands:

- everyone is heart warmingly supportive of me

- the xmas function is going ahead

- WW and scumbag bro are leaving for Vanuatu in a few days coming back after new year, arrangements with family members have been made to help each other out with the kids while they are both gone.

- I will worry about divorce after new year, for now I just want to spend time with my family

 

I'm surprisingly happy despite everything i've been through. My house is already jam packed with my kids cousins and some of my siblings plus their spouses. We are all having a good time and although I have my moments, I am thankful that DDAY happened around this time of the year. Weather is good, kids are happy to spend time together running a muck lol ans us adults are always having a laugh, glad that hasn't changed.

 

Is it weird I feel sorry for WW and my scumbag brother? I don't know why I feel sorry for them tbh.. I hope they can sort themselves out in Vanuatu and deal woth their demons by themselves. Overall, I think things are going to be ok.

 

As for my kids... oldest son still wants nothing to do with his mother but the younger ones are sad that their mum will not be around for xmas although they understand what she did, i'm glad they still love her anyway, because I wouldn't want them to live life hating their mother. Sorry for the long post, I hope it's some good news, I appreciate your sympathy. Thank you LS!

 

Seriously, how will she be able to look her own kids in the eyes when she returns from her fu*k fest in Vanuatu? They will have to move away and possibly break up the children. What if other man/brother decides to do a paternity test on your youngest children to claim his paternity? Just because you don't want to know he may. You don't know what plans they are making on their vacation but I can assure you it will be to take all they can from you to build their nest together including your children. I know you don't want to deal with the issue of divorce until the new year but you better talk to a lawyer and have your lawyer start the process of protecting you.

 

You need to cut out the sister that kept their secret, she facilitated their affair and is no friend of yours or your children. By withholding the information from you she became their accomplice, she's just as guilty of betraying you by association. Just look at how many children, cousins, brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles are affected by their shameless acts. All these families will experience some form of breakup. What horrible people.