wife having affair with brother

[sidney2718]

So after being outed in their disgusting affair, your brother and your wife have run off on vacation together? They're proclaiming to your family "we're a couple".

 

The brass balls on those two, wow.

 

-----

 

I mentioned your story to my wife, and that other posters had asked about paternity. My wife's reaction "DB can't ever let his kids find out their awful uncle is their father, he should protect them from that".

 

Me on the other hand (more selfishly) I think I would need to know how deep my wife's betrayal went, I'd need to know the paternity.

 

Tough call, so sorry DB.

 

Given the fact that they are brothers, it may be hard to simply determine paternity of the kids.

[Cephalopod]

Given the fact that they are brothers, it may be hard to simply determine paternity of the kids.

 

It can be done. It may cost a bit more but it can be done if he wants to.

 

I work for a bioengineering company that makes equipment for DNA research. Those geneticists are very very good at what they do, believe me.

[afoolto no end]

in the end they are his kids, whatever the tests prove or don't prove.

.......it might be something I wouldn't want to know .........

[Marc878]

Knowing not knowing??? A unique situation. Not sure what would be best at this point. Ugh, just ugh.

 

Maybe knowing but accepting them as yours. This totally sucks!!!!!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Even her siblings were also sorry, but apparently one of them knew about it guess I won't be having anything to do with her.

 

 

Not that the STBXW's sister really matters a whole lot, but why exactly is she somehow the bad guy ??

 

It would be one thing if the STBXW had been cheating on you for 6 months, and her sister knew about it, and didn't tell you... but the more time approaches 10 to 14 years, the more she should reasonably have deduced that you knew about it, and were looking the other way.

 

 

Furthermore, when choosing sides in your marriage, that woman would be absurd not to opt for that of her sister. (which is another given) Why elect to turn your nose up at her for givens?

 

NOT that it matters a whole lot from here forward.

[Marc878]

Not that the STBXW's sister really matters a whole lot, but why exactly is she somehow the bad guy ??

 

It would be one thing if the STBXW had been cheating on you for 6 months, and her sister knew about it, and didn't tell you... but the more time approaches 10 to 14 years, the more she should reasonably have deduced that you knew about it, and were looking the other way.

 

 

Furthermore, when choosing sides in your marriage, that woman would be absurd not to opt for that of her sister. (which is another given) Why elect to turn your nose up at her for givens?

 

NOT that it matters a whole lot from here forward.

 

The truth always matters no matter what. I'd ditch her too

[road]

Not that the STBXW's sister really matters a whole lot, but why exactly is she somehow the bad guy ??

 

It would be one thing if the STBXW had been cheating on you for 6 months, and her sister knew about it, and didn't tell you... but the more time approaches 10 to 14 years, the more she should reasonably have deduced that you knew about it, and were looking the other way.

 

 

Furthermore, when choosing sides in your marriage, that woman would be absurd not to opt for that of her sister. (which is another given) Why elect to turn your nose up at her for givens?

 

NOT that it matters a whole lot from here forward.

 

Total false assumption.

 

 

Whether the affair was a one night stand or started from before their honeymoon and the OM is the biological dad for all of the kids, to what the SIL knew and when she did know it does not matter.

 

 

What matters is that the SIL withholding the truth shows that she was no friend to her BIL/BH/OP, his marriage, or his immediate family.

 

 

The SIL from the time she has found out and kept the truth hidden allow this BH to continue to be attacked by the WW and the OM, and you claim that the SIL's hand are free of blood.

[kgcolonel]

Road, I completely agree with you. She was about the same as a accomplice is here in the states. "I knew she was cheating on not just him but the KIDS with his POS brother" but I aided this by keeping quiet. I understand that there may be some who would say "it's none of my business" and in my opinion, that is what is wrong with society today. If there was more concern of being exposed, there would be more careful thought before being this selfish and destroying the families of those around.

 

I also see the vacation and an "in your face" act by the two POS. They fully deserve each other and all the Sh_t they bring to the table.

 

 

Sorry DB....you acted admirably here.

 

Also, sorry about my tirade, i supposed i am incensed at the incredible insensitivity of the two....unbelievable!!

[LostOnes05]

DB after reading all of this I gotta say, you're like my hero for how you've handled it!! I wish you the absolute best!

[beatcuff]

while i am with Tara about the email (should not have been done that way) it was a fairly tame and matter of fact. at least you told your parents first.

 

but the OP still does not comprehend how D works (at least in most US states). i have not seen 'my attorney said'. But this:

 

and to answer a question, I had my business established before we met, and everything was purchased (house, cars etc.) by me before we were married. I was very careful in protecting myself and my assets, no prenup required that way.

 

is nonsensical to this:

 

Married for 16 years

 

so you have made no major personal purchases for the last 16 years? seriously you have not purchased a car in 16 years (you better have otherwise it will actually be worse for you)? your business has made no fixed asset purchases for the last 16 years? your business has not grow in the last 16 years?

 

you got caught up in the 'thrill' (egged on by some posters), you certainly have won the battle but may have lost the war.

 

hint --- depending on where you live: i would expect to her to be awarded 50% of the appreciation of the business and home since you were married. oh and wait for discovery --- the paperwork collection will be overwhelming.

[aliveagain]

Well things have gotten really intense since I published the news to my family. I did tell my parents face to face about it all, just as I sent that email I went downstairs to break the news to them. They were completely shocked and really dissappointed in my brother and wife. My mother even cried because she thought she had raised all of us to be decent people, dad and I comforted her that it wasn't her fault. All my siblings were not happy with my brother and wife, plus it turns out he had made a few passes at one of my other brothers wife. She didn't want to ruin her husbands relationship with his brother and kept quiet about it, but since my exposure, it gave her the chance to tell her husband... lets just say he was pissed, he went over to scumbags house and gave him a couple of punches, luckily wife and her parents were there to stop him from hurting him any further.

They have all expressed their wish for scumbag bro and stbxw to not attend our Xmas function this year. So it seems they have been ostracised by the family. Stbxw's parents were really ashamed and expressed their deepest apologies on behalf of their daughter. I told them it's not their fault and that they would always remain in my heart they are welcome anytime to my home, I love them. Even her siblings were also sorry, but apparently one of them knew about it guess I won't be having anything to do with her.

My parents advised them both to take a time out from everyone and everything for at least a couple of weeks to let the everyone enjoy the festive season without any drama. They were reluctant to that idea apparently but it seems they accepted in the end.

 

So now as it stands:

- everyone is heart warmingly supportive of me

- the xmas function is going ahead

- WW and scumbag bro are leaving for Vanuatu in a few days coming back after new year, arrangements with family members have been made to help each other out with the kids while they are both gone.

- I will worry about divorce after new year, for now I just want to spend time with my family

 

I'm surprisingly happy despite everything i've been through. My house is already jam packed with my kids cousins and some of my siblings plus their spouses. We are all having a good time and although I have my moments, I am thankful that DDAY happened around this time of the year. Weather is good, kids are happy to spend time together running a muck lol ans us adults are always having a laugh, glad that hasn't changed.

 

Is it weird I feel sorry for WW and my scumbag brother? I don't know why I feel sorry for them tbh.. I hope they can sort themselves out in Vanuatu and deal woth their demons by themselves. Overall, I think things are going to be ok.

 

As for my kids... oldest son still wants nothing to do with his mother but the younger ones are sad that their mum will not be around for xmas although they understand what she did, i'm glad they still love her anyway, because I wouldn't want them to live life hating their mother. Sorry for the long post, I hope it's some good news, I appreciate your sympathy. Thank you LS!

 

Seriously, how will she be able to look her own kids in the eyes when she returns from her fu*k fest in Vanuatu? They will have to move away and possibly break up the children. What if other man/brother decides to do a paternity test on your youngest children to claim his paternity? Just because you don't want to know he may. You don't know what plans they are making on their vacation but I can assure you it will be to take all they can from you to build their nest together including your children. I know you don't want to deal with the issue of divorce until the new year but you better talk to a lawyer and have your lawyer start the process of protecting you.

 

You need to cut out the sister that kept their secret, she facilitated their affair and is no friend of yours or your children. By withholding the information from you she became their accomplice, she's just as guilty of betraying you by association. Just look at how many children, cousins, brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles are affected by their shameless acts. All these families will experience some form of breakup. What horrible people.

[italianjob]

Not to break anyone's fun, but if this is true:

 

Well now I know why you post at 4:30 am, I've always wanted to visit Australia.

 

Then this:

but the OP still does not comprehend how D works (at least in most US states).

 

doesn't really matter.

 

The important thing is if his lawyer has explained him what he needs to know where he lives...

[TrustedthenBusted]

Sounds like you took out the trash bin, AND the recycle bin at the same time. Nice work.

 

Thus begins a new chapter. Good luck, brother.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Total false assumption.

 

 

Whether the affair was a one night stand or started from before their honeymoon and the OM is the biological dad for all of the kids, to what the SIL knew and when she did know it does not matter.

 

 

What matters is that the SIL withholding the truth shows that she was no friend to her BIL/BH/OP, his marriage, or his immediate family.

 

 

The SIL from the time she has found out and kept the truth hidden allow this BH to continue to be attacked by the WW and the OM, and you claim that the SIL's hand are free of blood.

 

 

 

I made no "assumptions"... I merely took the story as offered by the OP.

 

 

In fact it is you and others who are "assuming" that the STBXW hadn't outright told the sister(in-law) something like "oh, he knows already"... rendering it pointless for that sister to meddle...

 

And as everyone knows, blood is thicker than...

[road]

I made no "assumptions"... I merely took the story as offered by the OP.

 

 

In fact it is you and others who are "assuming" that the STBXW hadn't outright told the sister(in-law) something like "oh, he knows already"... rendering it pointless for that sister to meddle...

 

And as everyone knows, blood is thicker than...

 

I have not assumed what or when the SIL knew. We were told by the OP that the SIL knew before him and kept it secret. I deal with the facts.

[Chi townD]

I know that some had said that he shouldn't have involved his oldest son. But, let's remember that he was with his father when THEY stumbled across them. I think the son had a right to voice his displeasure to his mother and Uncle and not bottle it up.

[aliveagain]

Here's another reality for your soon to be ex wife. She just witnessed another brother who's wife POS went after try to punch his lights out, she and her parents had to break the fight up. She just realized that she is the only one stupid enough to fall for his lies and she traded everything for the biggest looser in the family. How special does she feel now knowing she finally got her prize, she is free to become wife number 5. Neither one of them will ever feel safe again.

[turnera]

I know that some had said that he shouldn't have involved his oldest son. But, let's remember that he was with his father when THEY stumbled across them. I think the son had a right to voice his displeasure to his mother and Uncle and not bottle it up.

I think involving the oldest son was the BEST thing he could do for his son because he would have otherwise taught his son to stuff his feelings, put someone else's feelings ahead of his own, and he would go through life afraid to voice his opinion. By confronting his mom and uncle, he was able to validate his self and his worth. Important stuff.

[Spectre]

Spectre, you're so jaded that you make no sense. You have no knowledge of any of these things and the drivel, you posted above, is nothing else but a desperate attempt to project your own pain on the OP under false pretense of trying to help him.

 

 

 

 

Once again, your pain is palpable but, in case if you wonder, things don't work this way in the western world. We don't have Sharia law here.

 

Ah yes, it makes no sense to suggest the mother willing to bang her brother in law doesn't give a crap about the family.

[doublebetrayal]

Thank you everyone for your input. I apologize for my inconsistency updating this thread, as you can understand my house is crazy at the moment. Having a bloody good time with my family. WW and OM (I won't refer to him as my brother anymore) have left for Vanuatu. We are mainting low contact only about the kids.

 

As for my business, my parents gave one of their "small" businesses to me in a well secure trust (in the event I split with a wife) before I had met my wife. Since getting married, WW and I have always kept our finances completely seperate. We have no joint accounts or anything of the sorts. I buy what I want with my money and she buys what she wants with her money, we are both well off on our own, but i'm much more well off of course because of my business. I do however provide for my family for the most part though.

 

I don't see much conflict in divorce. WW has expressed she doesn't need anything from me nor does she feel entitled to anything of mine, she also has no involvement whatsoever in my business either. I am willing to fight if she wants to, but she knows she is no position of power at all, it would be futile to fight me in divorce. An amicable divorce would be best for everyone, especially the kids.

 

We will wait until after new year to find out how they want to proceed. Until then, I am going to gain some of the lost weight since my discovery of the affair with Xmas food lol I always look forward to a good feed. I probably won't have a chance to update anything worthwhile until after new year. So on that note, i'd like to wish everyone a merry xmas and a happy new year

[road]

Enjoy the holidays with your family.

[ladydesigner]

Thank you everyone for your input. I apologize for my inconsistency updating this thread, as you can understand my house is crazy at the moment. Having a bloody good time with my family. WW and OM (I won't refer to him as my brother anymore) have left for Vanuatu. We are mainting low contact only about the kids.

 

As for my business, my parents gave one of their "small" businesses to me in a well secure trust (in the event I split with a wife) before I had met my wife. Since getting married, WW and I have always kept our finances completely seperate. We have no joint accounts or anything of the sorts. I buy what I want with my money and she buys what she wants with her money, we are both well off on our own, but i'm much more well off of course because of my business. I do however provide for my family for the most part though.

 

I don't see much conflict in divorce. WW has expressed she doesn't need anything from me nor does she feel entitled to anything of mine, she also has no involvement whatsoever in my business either. I am willing to fight if she wants to, but she knows she is no position of power at all, it would be futile to fight me in divorce. An amicable divorce would be best for everyone, especially the kids.

 

We will wait until after new year to find out how they want to proceed. Until then, I am going to gain some of the lost weight since my discovery of the affair with Xmas food lol I always look forward to a good feed. I probably won't have a chance to update anything worthwhile until after new year. So on that note, i'd like to wish everyone a merry xmas and a happy new year

 

Really with everything that is going on!?!? They are sick f**s that's all I have to say about them. You OP I wish you a Happy Holiday and I hope your New Year brings joy to you! You deserve the best! Don't ever look back ;-)

[merrmeade]

I can't believe the Vanuatu trip. A romantic holiday on a beautiful South Pacific island is a consequence of being exposed? Shameless arrogance.

[Dancewithme]

Op, please enjoy your holiday with your family, and enjoy all of the good food. That's one of my favorite parts of the holiday, the eating.

 

Please know that I will keep you and your family in my thoughts this holiday, and wish you and your kids a new year with peace, prosperity, and happiness.

 

I know this is off topic, but I've seen the response ten characters" posted on several threads. What does that mean?

[happyman64]

I can't believe the Vanuatu trip. A romantic holiday on a beautiful South Pacific island is a consequence of being exposed? Shameless arrogance.

 

It also shows just how screwed up these two adults/parents/spouses/cheaters really are.

 

 

It makes you really wonder how fit they are as parents......

 

 

Have a great holiday DB. You deserve it.