wife having affair with brother

[italianjob]

Not to break anyone's fun, but if this is true:

 

Well now I know why you post at 4:30 am, I've always wanted to visit Australia.

 

Then this:

but the OP still does not comprehend how D works (at least in most US states).

 

doesn't really matter.

 

The important thing is if his lawyer has explained him what he needs to know where he lives...

[TrustedthenBusted]

Sounds like you took out the trash bin, AND the recycle bin at the same time. Nice work.

 

Thus begins a new chapter. Good luck, brother.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Total false assumption.

 

 

Whether the affair was a one night stand or started from before their honeymoon and the OM is the biological dad for all of the kids, to what the SIL knew and when she did know it does not matter.

 

 

What matters is that the SIL withholding the truth shows that she was no friend to her BIL/BH/OP, his marriage, or his immediate family.

 

 

The SIL from the time she has found out and kept the truth hidden allow this BH to continue to be attacked by the WW and the OM, and you claim that the SIL's hand are free of blood.

 

 

 

I made no "assumptions"... I merely took the story as offered by the OP.

 

 

In fact it is you and others who are "assuming" that the STBXW hadn't outright told the sister(in-law) something like "oh, he knows already"... rendering it pointless for that sister to meddle...

 

And as everyone knows, blood is thicker than...

[road]

I made no "assumptions"... I merely took the story as offered by the OP.

 

 

In fact it is you and others who are "assuming" that the STBXW hadn't outright told the sister(in-law) something like "oh, he knows already"... rendering it pointless for that sister to meddle...

 

And as everyone knows, blood is thicker than...

 

I have not assumed what or when the SIL knew. We were told by the OP that the SIL knew before him and kept it secret. I deal with the facts.

[Chi townD]

I know that some had said that he shouldn't have involved his oldest son. But, let's remember that he was with his father when THEY stumbled across them. I think the son had a right to voice his displeasure to his mother and Uncle and not bottle it up.

[aliveagain]

Here's another reality for your soon to be ex wife. She just witnessed another brother who's wife POS went after try to punch his lights out, she and her parents had to break the fight up. She just realized that she is the only one stupid enough to fall for his lies and she traded everything for the biggest looser in the family. How special does she feel now knowing she finally got her prize, she is free to become wife number 5. Neither one of them will ever feel safe again.

[turnera]

I know that some had said that he shouldn't have involved his oldest son. But, let's remember that he was with his father when THEY stumbled across them. I think the son had a right to voice his displeasure to his mother and Uncle and not bottle it up.

I think involving the oldest son was the BEST thing he could do for his son because he would have otherwise taught his son to stuff his feelings, put someone else's feelings ahead of his own, and he would go through life afraid to voice his opinion. By confronting his mom and uncle, he was able to validate his self and his worth. Important stuff.

[Spectre]

Spectre, you're so jaded that you make no sense. You have no knowledge of any of these things and the drivel, you posted above, is nothing else but a desperate attempt to project your own pain on the OP under false pretense of trying to help him.

 

 

 

 

Once again, your pain is palpable but, in case if you wonder, things don't work this way in the western world. We don't have Sharia law here.

 

Ah yes, it makes no sense to suggest the mother willing to bang her brother in law doesn't give a crap about the family.

[doublebetrayal]

Thank you everyone for your input. I apologize for my inconsistency updating this thread, as you can understand my house is crazy at the moment. Having a bloody good time with my family. WW and OM (I won't refer to him as my brother anymore) have left for Vanuatu. We are mainting low contact only about the kids.

 

As for my business, my parents gave one of their "small" businesses to me in a well secure trust (in the event I split with a wife) before I had met my wife. Since getting married, WW and I have always kept our finances completely seperate. We have no joint accounts or anything of the sorts. I buy what I want with my money and she buys what she wants with her money, we are both well off on our own, but i'm much more well off of course because of my business. I do however provide for my family for the most part though.

 

I don't see much conflict in divorce. WW has expressed she doesn't need anything from me nor does she feel entitled to anything of mine, she also has no involvement whatsoever in my business either. I am willing to fight if she wants to, but she knows she is no position of power at all, it would be futile to fight me in divorce. An amicable divorce would be best for everyone, especially the kids.

 

We will wait until after new year to find out how they want to proceed. Until then, I am going to gain some of the lost weight since my discovery of the affair with Xmas food lol I always look forward to a good feed. I probably won't have a chance to update anything worthwhile until after new year. So on that note, i'd like to wish everyone a merry xmas and a happy new year

[S2B]

Glad you're doing well under the circumstances.

 

I wouldn't wait to see what they want.

 

I would fill out those papers and have them filed and ready to serve her upon their return. Ask for what you want - it can always be adjusted later.

 

Anything less and you are offering her the drivers seat.

[road]

Enjoy the holidays with your family.

[ladydesigner]

Thank you everyone for your input. I apologize for my inconsistency updating this thread, as you can understand my house is crazy at the moment. Having a bloody good time with my family. WW and OM (I won't refer to him as my brother anymore) have left for Vanuatu. We are mainting low contact only about the kids.

 

As for my business, my parents gave one of their "small" businesses to me in a well secure trust (in the event I split with a wife) before I had met my wife. Since getting married, WW and I have always kept our finances completely seperate. We have no joint accounts or anything of the sorts. I buy what I want with my money and she buys what she wants with her money, we are both well off on our own, but i'm much more well off of course because of my business. I do however provide for my family for the most part though.

 

I don't see much conflict in divorce. WW has expressed she doesn't need anything from me nor does she feel entitled to anything of mine, she also has no involvement whatsoever in my business either. I am willing to fight if she wants to, but she knows she is no position of power at all, it would be futile to fight me in divorce. An amicable divorce would be best for everyone, especially the kids.

 

We will wait until after new year to find out how they want to proceed. Until then, I am going to gain some of the lost weight since my discovery of the affair with Xmas food lol I always look forward to a good feed. I probably won't have a chance to update anything worthwhile until after new year. So on that note, i'd like to wish everyone a merry xmas and a happy new year

 

Really with everything that is going on!?!? They are sick f**s that's all I have to say about them. You OP I wish you a Happy Holiday and I hope your New Year brings joy to you! You deserve the best! Don't ever look back ;-)

[merrmeade]

I can't believe the Vanuatu trip. A romantic holiday on a beautiful South Pacific island is a consequence of being exposed? Shameless arrogance.

[Dancewithme]

Op, please enjoy your holiday with your family, and enjoy all of the good food. That's one of my favorite parts of the holiday, the eating.

 

Please know that I will keep you and your family in my thoughts this holiday, and wish you and your kids a new year with peace, prosperity, and happiness.

 

I know this is off topic, but I've seen the response ten characters" posted on several threads. What does that mean?

[happyman64]

I can't believe the Vanuatu trip. A romantic holiday on a beautiful South Pacific island is a consequence of being exposed? Shameless arrogance.

 

It also shows just how screwed up these two adults/parents/spouses/cheaters really are.

 

 

It makes you really wonder how fit they are as parents......

 

 

Have a great holiday DB. You deserve it.

[Try]

My parents advised them both to take a time out from everyone and everything for at least a couple of weeks to let the everyone enjoy the festive season without any drama. They were reluctant to that idea apparently but it seems they accepted in the end.

 

So now as it stands:

- everyone is heart warmingly supportive of me

- the xmas function is going ahead

- WW and scumbag bro are leaving for Vanuatu in a few days coming back after new year, arrangements with family members have been made to help each other out with the kids while they are both gone.

- I will worry about divorce after new year, for now I just want to spend time with my family

So right after your "parents advised them both to take a time out from everyone and everything for at least a couple of weeks", WW and scumbag agree and schedule to leave "for Vanuatu in a few days coming back after new year"? Just days after confrontation and exposure they are scheduling a romantic vacation together at a tropical resort like it is no big deal? The implications of her doing this are enormous.

[doublebetrayal]

Sorry for my absence, I think I did mention I would not update until after the new year. Well I hope everyone has had a fantastic Christmas and start to the new year! I certainly could have had a better time, for obvious reasons, but still could have been a lot worse all things considered. I have my family to thank for being my strength, I know for a fact I would not have been able to cope without their love and support through this difficult time.

 

As some of you have mentioned, yes I have not been entirely forthcoming about everything that's been going on out of fear of posting irrelevant things. I am not the best at this, so if I miss out any important details that will help you to help me, please don't hesitate to ask.

 

WW and OM have returned from Vanuatu. Throughout their trip, WW kept calling and using the kids as an excuse to speak with me. She claims that she loves me and if i'm willing to give her another chance she would come back to me within a heartbeat. Judging by the way they are still "together", I don't think OM knows about this. She is cheating on him with me? She is a special kind of something I tell you.

 

My oldest now seems like he is indifferent torwards his mother, which I don't wish upon her. She did nothing wrong by her children, well at least not as much as she did by me. Anyway, I have not began proceeding with the D yet... it is so difficult and final, maybe part of me still loves the woman I thought I married.

 

As for how I feel? I feel like absolute $hit, no, $hit would be nice actually... how do I stop feeling like this??

 

DB

Edited January 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[salparadise]

As for how I feel? I feel like absolute $hit, no, $hit would be nice actually... how do I stop feeling like this??

 

1. divorce

2. therapy

3. time

4. acceptance of what is

5. new love when you're ready

 

I can't even imagine how difficult it must be. Try to remain optimistic that life holds good things for you in the future, and keep taking steps on the path to recovery. Eventually you will want to learn to forgive- for your sake. Suffering is part of life; nobody gets a pass. Acceptance is a process and a choice. Don't allow this (them) to define you.

[CarrieT]

Salparadise said it in a nut-shell. Time *will* heal all wounds and this is all very fresh by you.

 

Also, she did do wrong by her children and your eldest sees this. She not only disrespected you, but the entire concept of family by ruining her marriage - and your nuclear family - by having an affair with his uncle.

 

Please consider the fact that your children will probably need therapy as well for their concepts of how to have a healthy relationship have now been skewed.

 

Wishing you well....

[PathToExile]

1. divorce

2. therapy

3. time

4. acceptance of what is

5. new love when you're ready

 

I can't even imagine how difficult it must be. Try to remain optimistic that life holds good things for you in the future, and keep taking steps on the path to recovery. Eventually you will want to learn to forgive- for your sake. Suffering is part of life; nobody gets a pass. Acceptance is a process and a choice. Don't allow this (them) to define you.

 

I like the order of events that this member listed. After a recent breakup, I can say from my experience that attempting to get back with her after being so betrayed will most likely leave you in heartache for the rest of your life with her. I'd be constantly looking over my shoulder and would feel the need to monitor her whole life and whereabouts. It would simply drive me insane.

 

I tried the whole reconciliation, and going to couples therapy... only to get the blame of cheating placed on both myself and her. I was also told that her change in behaviour will take time... implying there would be more 'mistakes' in the future, and if I really loved her, I'd help her through it. To be honest, I'm not a cuck, and have way more self respect than what the EX and therapist thought I had. If you give her another chance, then you'll be a doormat for future affairs. I know the thought of you ending it now hurts, but you'll feel much better in the longterm. I still get flares of hurt knowing the positives I had with my EX, and the betrayal I felt after multiple occurrences (it's been 3 months). It tears you apart, but you have to remember that it's only temporary. In the event of these thoughts, I just imagine the pain I'd feel if I had continued with her, knowing she could and would do it again if forwarded the opportunity.

 

Just take a deep breathe, pump out your chest, and end what you thought you had. Go to a therapist if you feel the need to, otherwise, talk to close friends or family. You'll repeat the same thoughts and feelings to them, you'll flip-flop as to how you feel, just let them know you need their support for your decision. Time will heal, use this time to eat proper and get into physical fitness or a relaxing hobby. After these steps, you'll learn to accept that she is what she is, and it has nothing to do with what you are. You'll feel a lot better, and will more than likely be ready to start dating again if you wish.

 

As for your brother, you can ditch that title. You're merely related by blood, otherwise he's just another person. A real brother would have told you that she was being flirty with him, and would have worked with you to expose her, thus setting up a divorce.

 

Chin up and soldier on. You're a great person who deserves more from life.

[Buckeye2]

WW and OM have returned from Vanuatu. Throughout their trip, WW kept calling and using the kids as an excuse to speak with me. She claims that she loves me and if i'm willing to give her another chance she would come back to me within a heartbeat. Judging by the way they are still "together", I don't think OM knows about this. She is cheating on him with me? She is a special kind of something I tell you.

 

My oldest now seems like he is indifferent torwards his mother, which I don't wish upon her.

 

Your wife has had two husbands for years and just went on a vacation to Vanuatu with one of them. Why would it be that big of a deal which husband she wound up with? The major thing you have over your brother is that you are the major injured party. You’re in the unique position to forgive her.

 

 

If you forgive her how can anyone else not? She can tell your kids: “Your dad forgave me, why can’t you." You’re like a special priest that can give her absolution. That’s why she wants you over him.

 

 

If she can’t have you then she wants your brother. They have years of history plus he can’t judge her because he’s just as guilty as she is. They make a good pair.

 

 

She wants to keep him as an option. That’s why she’s cheating on him and not out in the open with you. Like a monkey swinging through the trees will not let go of one branch until it grabs another, you wife doesn’t want to let go of your brother until she has you.

Edited January 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BetrayedH]

She's quite the piece of work trying to reconcile with you by phone while she's on vacation with your brother. I wonder how quickly she had another romp with him after that conversation. Are you done dealing with this nonsense yet?

 

When do you start feeling better? When you start building your next life. Detach, divorce, get a space that's your own, and take actions towards a new life. It starts whenever you do. You have the opportunity to start fresh and go whatever direction you want. I enjoyed getting a new place, new furniture, new bachelor bad. Comically, I really enjoyed just buying whatever the eff I wanted at the grocery store. No haggling. No negotiating. If I wanted nachos and cheese dip, by gawd, I just bought it. Lol.

 

Take care of yourself and your kids. And extricate that cancer. Start looking forward. It's easier to do when you take your eyes off the rearview mirror. The only thing stopping you is you. Embrace it and enjoy it.

[kgcolonel]

Buckeye, great post and perspective here.

 

Additionally, she absolutely did cheat on the kids....she chose to satisfy her sexual desires despite blowing up the kid's world. Their world is destroyed as far as an intact home / family is concerned. There will be no more mom, dad and kids dinners, holidays vacations, weekends or outings. She chose to please her Pu__y instead of her obligations to her family. Please understand this and quickly seek therapy for the kids...the sooner the better.

 

Forgiving her, benefits you in that it will allow you to release the hate and resentment to move on. This absolutely does not mean to bring her back to you or into the house....only to release you from the weight of the anger. Now may not be the right time but there will come a time that you're ready to move forward and it will be the lack of forgiving that will prevent this.

 

I can't imagine what if anything your POS Brother has to say to you or anyone else in the family. He must be very proud of himself (sarcastically, if not obviously).

 

My heart seriously goes out to you.

[road]

Time to get paternity tests done.

 

 

Also use the WW I want to come back to get more of the truth from her.

[TX-SC]

I can't tell you what to do in this situation. I myself am vindictive when wronged, so it may not be in your best interest to follow my advice here. I personally would start the divorce proceeding immediately. I would cut the wife and brother out of my life completely. I would tell my parents and relatives that they have a choice. At any future family event or holiday, I can be there, or my ex-brother and his partner can be there. But never me and my brother at the same time. If they ever trick me in that regard I will cut them from my life. Your wife is scum and your brother is even worse. You will have to deal with your wife due to your children, but that should be the only dealings. She is not your friend. She is not even a friendly acquaintance. She should be treated with respect only because of your children. Move on with your life without them in it. Find someone new eventually. Don't rush it. But seriously, cut these monsters from your life for good.