Amoop182 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) My ex Kt and I dated for about 8 months. It ended due to insecurities she fet because of my ex girlfriend trying to come back and forth in my life. We ended up on good terms and still chat every now and then. She ended up moving back home in August. And started dating some other guy in September. I texted her happy thanksgiving and we started chatting again. And I told her how I do still love her and explained the confusion about what was going on with my ex and she gave me a "wow I feel like such an idiot" kind of response. Just looking for someone to analyze the convo we had Me:All I'm saying is, we both made choices based on assumptions of someone else. We let someone else control our emotions towards each other. It didn't have to be that way but we both let Ashley manipulate us both. I know things with between you and me won't change anytime soon. And I wouldn't want it to, I want you to be happy and see your current relationship thru, but if anything does happen, know that I would always want to give it another shot, because I will always love you no matter what. Talk to you soon Kt Kt:I can't say I don't think about you because I do. More than I rightfully should. You make a solid point and you're absolutely right .. I still have feelings for you Ant. Undeniably She ended up wanting to talk on the phone and called me when she got out of work. We talked for like an hour about things. reminiscing about each other and how we were together and just talking about things that were misunderstood on both of our parts. I mentioned to her that I was obviously willing to give things another chance if that's what she was up for but I understand that she has a boyfriend now. Anyway she ended up texting me the next morning Kt:No. Ant I gotta tell you I feel really guilty for talking to you. It's not fair to nick, and he's such a great guy. I want to do what's right I feel like maybe she just feels like it wouldn't be right to just ditch the person she is with, which I totally understand. But I mean I am going to leave things alone for now and if things don't work out with them, maybe she will come around. Looking for thoughts on the situation. Sorry it was such a long post Edited December 2, 2015 by Amoop182 Edit situation Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Whatever was going on with your EX that made Kt suspicious or insecure may be part of the problem, especially if that person was trying to get back together with you & Kt found out. The EX should have been shut down in no uncertain terms, not allowed to exist to the point where it made your GF insecure, even if nothing was going on. Now that Kt has ended things, moved AND started dating someone else, she's not being very loyal to that new guy by carrying on with you, saying she loves you etc. She threw you away once over a misunderstanding & she's sneaking around talking to you behind the new guy's back. Doesn't say much about her character. Why do you want somebody like that back? She didn't care enough to have a mature discussion with you the 1st time so you have to assume the next time things get rough she'll be back out the door. Doesn't seem worth the effort to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amoop182 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 You make a very good point. I feel she was not up for a discussion with me when she ended things because it became to be too much with all I put her through. And you're right my ex should not have been involved with my life anymore at that point. It was a 5 year relationship that I just couldn't cut ties with, and by the time I did figure my **** out, I already screwed things up with Kt. She isn't a bad person in character for what she is doing. She is probably just confused and maybe still has feelings. But as of now she wants to do the right thing and stand by her relationship she is in now. I was just curious if maybe there was something else I might have been missing Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 The fact that she feels guilty, does not mean she wants you back. It doesn't mean she is even considering to leave him. It only means that she likes you, and thinks that it's not fair to talk contact you behind his back. If their relationship becomes rocky, she might break up with him and reach out for you. Will you take back a girl that wants you as a second choice? Really? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amoop182 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 I never said that it meant she wanted me back. I think she should give the relationship a chance. It wouldn't be fair to bail like that. Honestly I wouldn't want to be a second choice. It really depends on what's going on at the time if that ever happens. So who knows Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amoop182 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Update: she ended up just calling me tn. I didn't bring up any emotional stuff and just kept it as a casual conversation. I'm still confused as to why she keeps reaching out to me like this. I mean I love the girl and would really like a second chance with her where our feelings aren't influenced by an ex, but I mean I also do not want to keep pushing it. I told her in previous conversations I am interested, so now it's up to her what to do next. But I do enjoy hearing from her even just to talk and bull**** about things. She is a really good friend outside of our relationship we had. Idk just seeing how this all plays out Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 If you agree to be just friends with her, so there's no problem. If not, tell her to stop calling you because she has a Bf and you have boundaries. She will understand she can't play both parties at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amoop182 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I do want to be friends with her. But at the same time would like it to evolve in to something more Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I do want to be friends with her. But at the same time would like it to evolve in to something more Sorry those two things cancel each other out. You want more. You are lying to yourself, her & us by saying that you are OK being just friends with her. You are not. You are hoping that by staying in touch she will want to get back together. In essence you are encouraging her to cheat on her BF or at least dump him for you. You embody the reason new SOs hate the EXs because there is always an ulterior motive. Pick a side & get on it. Friends or lovers but stop kidding yourself that you are doing anything other then using this "friendship" as a backdoor to hopefully reconcile. Also re-read my 1st response. I truly think you are trying to resurrect something that wasn't all that good to start Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amoop182 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I understand your point. But considering me and her have no animosity, I don't mind being friends with her. I'm not lying to myself. I accept the fact she is with someone else and I in no way want her to cheat on her boyfriend. If she chooses to leave him that's her choice. I'm not encouraging it at all. And for you to state something that wasn't so great is a very bold statement considering you don't know the actual depth of the relationship we had, other than what I posted. I'm just staying in touch with her because she is an important person to me. A relationship with her isn't the most important thing to me right now. I am happy to be friends with her. You can love a person without it having to be a relationship. I am going to let it be with that aspect and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I understand your point. But considering me and her have no animosity, I don't mind being friends with her. I'm not lying to myself. I accept the fact she is with someone else and I in no way want her to cheat on her boyfriend. If she chooses to leave him that's her choice. I'm not encouraging it at all. And for you to state something that wasn't so great is a very bold statement considering you don't know the actual depth of the relationship we had, other than what I posted. I'm just staying in touch with her because she is an important person to me. A relationship with her isn't the most important thing to me right now. I am happy to be friends with her. You can love a person without it having to be a relationship. I am going to let it be with that aspect and see what happens. You aren't a real friend if you are looking to be a romantic option. It just doesn't work that way. If you're her friend, you're her friend and you have no romantic inclinations at all. If you do have those inclinations (which you clearly do) then trying to be her "friend" is not only disingenuous, but a disaster in the making. I'm sorry, you're talking out of both sides of your mouth right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amoop182 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 So then I guess I am romantically interested in herZ but at the same time my intentions are not hidden. I told her how I feel and I left it at that. If she chooses to contact me I just speak with her, I don't constantly bring up the emotions I have for her. But I am not about to sabotage her relationship she has now. I don't know what else to say. If being her friend is all that is possible right now. I am fine with it. I would rather her make the choice of wanting to be with me than it being some kind of manipulation. And that is not what I am trying to do. I am just seeing what happens. I said how I feel and that's it. The rest is up to her. I understand your opinion on it, but it is only your opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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