How Not to Screw Up an LDR

[HopeForTomorrow]

This might be the title of my next book. Unfortunately the knowledge base for it would have come from trial-and-(lots of) error - and the School of Hard Knocks. Plus, so far I’m only on the equivalent of about page three, chapter one.

 

Anyway, I have been meaning to post here about this LDR for awhile. He and I are not young, but we are both single and have kid(s) in the teenage age range. So we have both been around the block a few times in terms of previous relationships – somewhat different than a lot of the stories I see posted in this section.

 

I think that overall, I have done several things wrong in this relationship that have contributed to the situation being not so great right at the moment (and maybe for the rest of the moments of my life). We are 2400 miles apart, and we met online. We have been “together” for the past few months. TBH, it got serious quickly, even without either of us planning on that happening – because the connection was (is) REALLY strong. I know everyone says that, but it’s not just chemistry or some other magical fantasy thing. It’s who he IS that I fell for, more than I have ever fallen for anyone else ever. People will say that I don’t know who he is because we’ve never met. I disagree – I know his character. His personality. I know who he is. His looks/physical appearance/body are icing on the cake as far as I’m concerned, but he is exactly my type that way too. And importantly, I don’t have him on some pedestal. Quite the opposite. I know where the issues are.

 

We have spent dozens and dozens of hours talking. Three hours or more pass during a conversation (usually late at night), and it’s like five minutes. His (sexy) voice lulls me into some kind of state where I feel like I am wrapped up in him. It’s just… indescribable.

 

Personality-wise we are a lot alike in some ways. Maybe too much. Career-wise, I am used to people always listening intently to what I say and then doing it (I realize that sounds terrible, but it’s true). And career-wise, he is used to – you got it – managing people and telling them what to do. I actually love that about him, love his career and how good he is at it, but I recognize that we butt heads sometimes because there are 2 people used to leading the pack. Not that I think either of us qualifies as “controlling” per se. It’s just the combination at times.

 

And we are not alike in other ways that also contribute. I am headstrong and emotional and impulsive and passionate. He is passionate, and he sure as hell is headstrong – but he is much better at separating the emotional elements from situations and compartmentalizing (I realize that’s a man thing). I’m better at other things. They counter-balance and sometimes they clash.

 

The biggest issue has been meeting. We haven’t met in person yet, and that’s on me. Reasons? Because, at first (in October when we first started talking about it) I didn’t try hard enough to make it work. I just thought it would happen when it happened. I am a physician and had just taken a temporary clinical position with wild hours, and still had my medical consulting/writing business and clients. I was (still am) routinely working almost every day and 60-70 hour weeks. I knew that would end in January, as did he. Still – if you want something bad enough, and all that. I should have tried harder, and I wish I could go back and do that, given how things have worked out. I didn’t think things would end up like this. I just thought it would all work out… somehow.

 

The inability to be in the same room together took a HUGE toll. It became frustrating on both ends almost to the point of throwing in the towel – not being able to hold each other. Sleep together. Show love physically. It became the elephant in the room. It started to cause issues between us, and the frustration was coming out as anger sometimes and suddenly, meeting became the Center of Everything. We couldn’t get past it. Meeting “In Real Life” should have been a non-event, absolutely should have happened at the beginning, but because it didn’t, it became a HUGE issue and now I’m freaking scared to DEATH how it would end up if/when we do. I’m scared to meet him and get emotionally connected to him even MORE if this isn’t going to work. I’m already so emotionally invested.

 

So things have basically fallen apart and I am screwed. He’s frustrated with me, I’m frustrated with everything, and I wish I had done things differently. But, I love this man. Like I have loved no other. I am not sure whether to walk away, or whether to keep pushing.

[LoveMachine67]

You don't sound like the quitter type HopeForTomorrow!

 

Follow your heart and follow your dreams. Don't give up so easily!

 

Go for it!

[Brady_to_Moss]

Ultimately..it's up to you..do you think they can last and will last if you do in fact meet? That's what it will come down to. If you and him feel like it can work out...100% go for it.

 

You miss all the shots you don't take right? Might as well try if you are that in love.

 

Me just getting screwed and cheated on in a LDR has me never ever wanting to do a LDR before but...is this your first LDR? Him as well?