malinda Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) last week my bf daughter who is 10 years old stayed the night at ours and an advert came on tv about santa claus and I blurted out 'hes not real so why is he still so popular?' I then realised his daughter still believed he is real because she said to me that he was and he had magical powers and I just made a joke that maybe he is and he lives in her town. Only to then get angry text messages from her mother the following day that I told her daughter santa doesnt exist and that she feels mad and totally pi**ed off about it and that how dare I when its not my place and only she or my bf has the right to tell her that stuff. My boyfriend said little to defend me but I feel quite hurt that shes reacted like this. I feel totally like a fool and I do alot for him like pay his child maitenance to her when he cant afford it and she knows that. Do you think she reacted fair because I dont even want to clear it up with her. This is the second incident now. The last time she flipped because their daughter said that I said something about her mom that was totally misunderstood to be said in a negative way when instead I meant it in a positive way. Just fed up. Edited December 3, 2015 by malinda Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I realise it was an accident on your part, but yeah, I can understand her being upset with you. I think a sincere apology is in order. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 last week my bf daughter who is 10 years old stayed the night at ours and an advert came on tv about santa claus and I blurted out 'hes not real so why is he still so popular?' The specifics of what you said make it clear that you only did so in order to stir-up trouble. As if Santa's popularity should have changed during, and only because of your lifetime is even more absurd than anyone believing in Santa in the first place. For Santa Claus is obviously no more, and no less real in 2015 than he was in 1907, or 1825. However, young children happily believe what their parents tell them from day one... so it is perfectly reasonable that some ten-year-olds still believe. It is not reasonable that you took it upon yourself to try to change some kid's perception solely for your own entertainment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 This is the second incident as you have said, and both were caused by you not thinking before you speak to a young child. Apologise to her. You were in the wrong, and the mother has a right to be upset. Think before you speak in future. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 The last time she flipped because their daughter said that I said something about her mom that was totally misunderstood to be said in a negative way when instead I meant it in a positive way. Just fed up. Just out of curiosity...what exactly did you say to the child about her mother that was misunderstood? Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinda Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) The specifics of what you said make it clear that you only did so in order to stir-up trouble. As if Santa's popularity should have changed during, and only because of your lifetime is even more absurd than anyone believing in Santa in the first place. For Santa Claus is obviously no more, and no less real in 2015 than he was in 1907, or 1825. However, young children happily believe what their parents tell them from day one... so it is perfectly reasonable that some ten-year-olds still believe. It is not reasonable that you took it upon yourself to try to change some kid's perception solely for your own entertainment. errrmmmm....are you twisted? I was talking to someone else in the room and no it wasnt said on purpose because I didnt even know she believed in santa... hence why i felt bad ...hence why im seeking perspective from complete strangers! so rude people like you going around causing unecessary offence online! Edited December 3, 2015 by malinda Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinda Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Just out of curiosity...what exactly did you say to the child about her mother that was misunderstood? Its abit long winded story but my bf and I were having a conversation when his daughter was around and he said that it was a huge mistake him signing the tenancy of their home onto her mothers name as he was left homeless when they split and i said i knew it must have been hard for him and that he should not have removed his name but that its in the past and they atleast have somewhere to live as a result of it. Then I got messages saying that my opinion doesnt matter and that i think she should not be living there!. obviously a 10 year old will not understand the context of a conversation so why is she relying on her word anyway? I think the problem is that I find her mom rude and ungrateful. she knows i help pay his child support and then I'm suddenly 'In my place' to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Malinda I think there is some embarrassment here that is speaking out from you....as a parent, (my son is grown now ) we had a teacher do the same thing at school with her class where my son was a student. There are certain things that are sacred that parents want to preserve with their children, Santa being one of them. When you are a parent, you become aware of many things such as the specific location of your young children. This doesn't come overnight or even in a few months.....it is something that is acquired as you raise them from infancy. I believe that what you did was an accident however, the comment, if it didn't ruin the era of the fun parents had with their children for at least the next year or so, certainly began the skepticism of that child. It is the parents place to address things like Santa, Easter Bunny and the like. Like the others said, i do think an apology is in order here as well as a promise to be more careful around the child as to what you may expose to the child. As much as you may like, you are not on equal ground with either of the parents. This is one of the very hard parts of dating and being a step-parent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinda Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Malinda I think there is some embarrassment here that is speaking out from you....as a parent, (my son is grown now ) we had a teacher do the same thing at school with her class where my son was a student. There are certain things that are sacred that parents want to preserve with their children, Santa being one of them. When you are a parent, you become aware of many things such as the specific location of your young children. This doesn't come overnight or even in a few months.....it is something that is acquired as you raise them from infancy. I believe that what you did was an accident however, the comment, if it didn't ruin the era of the fun parents had with their children for at least the next year or so, certainly began the skepticism of that child. It is the parents place to address things like Santa, Easter Bunny and the like. Like the others said, i do think an apology is in order here as well as a promise to be more careful around the child as to what you may expose to the child. As much as you may like, you are not on equal ground with either of the parents. This is one of the very hard parts of dating and being a step-parent. Hi, thank you for your comment yes I agree with you too. I was just feeling abit isolated and picked on after that because my boyfriend was not sure what to say. I still dont think I made it my place to tell her anything because that would mean sitting her down and breaking news to her as if deliberately. Like I said it was slip of tongue. But today I did apologise to her mom via text message and she said its fine not to worry about it so thats good. She also said that her daughter said most of her school friends dont believe in santa but just a few do so they do have these discussions in school I guess. Feel better now but this weekend I need a break AWAY from them all including the bf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 the mother is understandably angry because you took away part of the daughter's childhood. The mother was looking forward to one last Christmas when her daughter still believed in magic. To have that ruined by an adult who didn't watch what she was saying in the child's presence is upsetting. For that negligent adult to be daddy's GF doubly hurts the mom in part because she is now left wondering how often & in what possibly dangerous situations you also overlook her child. I'm not saying you are negligent or that the child is in danger around you. I am pointing out that the mother is probably wondering that though, which is partially fueling her anger. The mom was wrong for flipping out instead of having a pointed discussion with you but if you have any hope of keeping the peace, apologize. The Q isn't whether Santa is real, it's about keeping the magic alive. I think a viewing of Yes, Virginia There is a Santa Claus is in order for you & BF's daughter, ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Its always good to think before you speak. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I think at best you made an honest mistake and didn't think before you spoke, but at worst you said this knowingly (perhaps even subconsciously) out of spite for the ex, knowing the daughter was listening. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I find it hard to believe you'd be making a comment such as, "hes not real so why is he still so popular?" to another adult without knowing what you were saying in front of the child. If you were speaking to another adult, did you really need to explain the "he's not real" part? She has every right to be angry with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Malinda It was great of you to apologize here. I know it was a mistake and I could feel the anguish in your words. Take some time and restart with everyone involved here.....be blessed! KG 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Don't ever assume a kid knows. Some kids choose to believe really late, and it doesn't hurt anything. You owe an apology. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I think her reaction was ridiculous. Parents who think their kids will only get significant information only from them are delusional. This girl is 10 yrs old and is just now hearing that Santa isn't real for the first time? I'm not buying it. Aside from that, she's too old to still be believing in such a thing. Most kids figure it out by age 5 or 6. What is really probably going on is that your bf's daughter has figured out that her mother is resentful of you and they are in a unspoken collusion with one another to make you look bad. If this keeps up and your bf doesn't defend you, I'd walk away from this. It's not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I will agree that saying that in front of a child if you don't know they believe is a mistake, but I think the first mistake was giving your bf's ex your number. Seems like a strange situation you're in to be in contact with her. Also your bf should have been involved. The ex should have complained to him, not to you. I would have solved that pretty quick. "Well dear, you see my gf doesn't believe in Santa because one Christmas when she was little she didn't get any presents from him. But it's because she was bad that year." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I'm just stunned a 10 year old still believes in Santa and that her mother had the nerve to act all shocked at someone mentioning it in front of the kid at this advanced age. By the time we were in first or second grade everyone already knew thanks to peers. For Goodness sake, don't mention the Easter Bunny.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 To keep the peace, all you can do is genuinely apologize. Don't justify or try to explain yourself to her, she doesn't want to hear excuses. Just say you're sorry and hope she lets it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Yeah, the mother absolutely has a right to be mad about that. And why would you have a serious conversation in earshot of one of the children to start with? Either you do it on purpose or you are really that absent minded that you would speak in front of children that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Yeah, the mother absolutely has a right to be mad about that. And why would you have a serious conversation in earshot of one of the children to start with? Either you do it on purpose or you are really that absent minded that you would speak in front of children that way. Do you honestly think that this 10-yr old is just now hearing this for the first time ever? Do you really think you know everything your child hears? It's nonsense. First of all, no parent should ever pass off these stories as truth because once the child figures it out, you've lost credibility. Secondly, this is a game that the child and mom are playing to discredit the guy's gf. I can't believe no one else sees this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Do you honestly think that this 10-yr old is just now hearing this for the first time ever? Do you really think you know everything your child hears? It's nonsense. First of all, no parent should ever pass off these stories as truth because once the child figures it out, you've lost credibility. Secondly, this is a game that the child and mom are playing to discredit the guy's gf. I can't believe no one else sees this. That's not true. My parents didn't lose credibility when I found out Santa wasn't real. Also the OP already said she spoke with the mother and she's not mad anymore. She possibly overreacted in the moment but it sounds like she's over it already. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Just fed up. You SHOULD be fed up that you're with a deadbeat who allows his girlfriend to occasionally pay his child support for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 As much as you may like, you are not on equal ground with either of the parents. LOL. But her MONEY sure is because her boyfriend has no problem with Malinda paying HIS debts. Seriously. Only a loser allows someone else to pick up his financial responsibility for his own child. Stop paying his damned child support. Just stop it. Let his lazy ass get a 2nd job for God's sakes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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