How to convince myself that there is no chance?

[betterfly]

Hi!

 

I posted here before, but since then some things happened, and I personally enjoy following other people's stories, so I thought somebody might like reading mine, and maybe will have some advice.

 

He broke up with me two months ago. Things were very rocky with us, with a loooot of jealousy issues. We did seem to love each other a lot, though ("like crazy" would be a very appropriate term). We were together for a year, I lived at his place for a few months, when I didn't have a job and was very broke. He is very flirty, so I was always jealous, and became controlling and anxious. It was hell for me and for him. So, looking back, it's good that we broke up and I can even see it now. What's not ok with my heart is the way he did it: over a message and after something minor, in comparison to the issues that we used to have. I understand why he would do that, though. After that we met up couple more times, and after I initiated another meeting, he said that it's really best for me to move on, since he doesn't know when he'd be able to see me as more than just a friend. It broke my heart, but I didn't contact him, except after two weeks to collect my stuff.

 

We met up, we both cried, went for drinks, but didn't confess feelings. He said he wasn't seeing anyone else and asked if I was. I wasn't.

 

Next time I saw him, he helped me to move my stuff to my place and then unpack. This time he said he loved me and confessed that he slept with other people, but they didn't help him forget me. I cried, and didn't sleep with him, but we made out. Before leaving, he said again that he loved me.

 

Last time I saw him (few days ago) we went for a very nice dinner and again were both teary-eyed. He said again, though, that he doesn't want to decide anything, even though he has feelings for me. Said he hadn't slept with anyone since last time we saw each other (two weeks prior).

 

But the last meeting didn't end that well. I seemed needy again, because I haven't truly moved on. It's easy for him to see us "dating", but I still haven't truly moved on, so I still feel the need to know where he is and who he's with. Him seeing other girls doesn't help.

 

Can somebody, please, just tell me to give him the rest of his stuff and stop all the communication?! It's just so hard, since he gives me hope. (He actually said that: "If I didn't have some hope, I wouldn't be here").

 

Thanks in advance for any input!

Edited December 3, 2015 by betterfly

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You seriously need to go no contact. Send him his stuff, leave it on his doorstep or chuck it in the bin. Don't bother to do it in person or your resolve will weaken. Ignore his calls, block him, whatever it takes!

 

He is messing with your head, big time! He continues to give you false hope just long enough to know you aren't able to move on while he can keep you around to feed his ego, or as a back up if he gets bored screwing other women.

 

You are worth so much more than these breadcrumbs. He doesn't deserve you. For your own happiness ignore this guy and cut him out of your life for good.

[Jane_Tee_11]

If he wants you back, he will go for it. You shouldn't have to do anything. The flirting and the waffling are both designed to keep you off balance and insecure while he looks around to make sure you are what he wants. If / when he figures out you are the one, he will come after you.

[Greekboy]

Just go No Contact, there is nothing good that will come out of this situation. I did the exact mistake of going back and fourth for about a month with my ex! I just couldnt help it when she said she will miss me etc. Guess what, it was the exactly what she needed to devalue me as needy and she was able to move on and ditch me completely at the end while I thought we will work on our relationship.

 

Send him his stuff and move on. Maybe at some point in the future you will get back together but now is not the time:)