I really messed up.....

[iamaidiot]

I know I will get creamed for this and I don't want to type a books I will try and be brief. For the 1st tie in my life I am seeking help with my anger management. It has caused me to physically and verbally abuse my wife and step-son. The cops were called to the house but no charges were pressed. We separated once before and we got back together. That was two years ago.. My dad died a few weeks ago. He was my heart. We got into an argument and I was in such a bad state. I pushed her and choked her and I wrestled with my step-son coming to her defense. She does not work. She is in school full time and I we have two kids in college and step-son a Jr. in High School. She is staying at her mothers house now and her mother loves me dearly and wants us to work it out. And this was not the first time I physically assaulted her. Like I said I am being up front here. We talk everyday. She says she needs time to think and I have a hard time doing that. I realize that I love her more than ever and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. If she wants a divorce I will have to accept that. But my thing is she wants me to continue to support her while she is in school full time. She was a nurse but we agreed she could go back to school full time. If she divorces me which I pray does not happen, I don't think I should have to support her if she can go back into the workforce.

 

 

But the most important thing is I am in counseling right now and I never knew my childhood had such an affect on me.. I know I don't deserve her. I just know I would do anything to make it right...

[S2B]

Even on your best behavior it could take years for you to earn her trust.

 

It's your words and actions that need to be in alignment. One little mis step can ruin years of attempted improvement.

 

 

I hope you will focus on improving yourself whether she stays or goes.

 

Becoming the best you can possibly be and being proud of your words and actions can be an exciting journey.

 

 

Let go of the past as you unwrap knowing. Let go of what doesn't work anymore. Be kind to others and try to do good in the world.

 

 

Do you volunteer? That helps many to understand energy full circle.

[Majormisstep]

I'm going to come across a bit direct here, but you lost your right to "have a hard time" with your wife needing time to think. This isn't about you - it's about your abused spouse and child.

 

The best thing you can do for HER is to give her time all the time she needs and get yourself into serious counselling as to why physical and/or verbal abuse was an acceptable outlet for you. Read books on abuse, volunteer, work out, spiritual healing, anything and everything to free your mind permanently of those demons.

 

Yes, you will be required to pay alimony or support her as declared in the divorce settlement...if it gets to that point.

[Satu]

Keep on with the counselling and realise that it's going to be a long-term process.

 

There's no quick fix available.

[Ms. Faust]

Although this may be the first time you physically abused her I am going to go out on a limb and assume that you have more than likely subjected her to mental and emotional abuse as well, especially if you have anger management issues. These type of abuses go hand in hand.

 

I think it is a damn shame her mother is encouraging her to get back with you. The mother should be looking out for the welfare of her daughter and grandchild 100%.

 

You need to focus more on improving yourself so that you never abuse another person again vs. "Am I going to have to pay while she goes to school if we get a divorce??"

 

I am sorry about the loss of your father but his death has no bearing on your poor choices.

 

My father in law died October of 2014. He was my husband's hero. The death was sudden and traumatic. My husband was an emotional wrecking ball, but no excuse for him to lay his hands on anyone.

[Mr. Lucky]

Although this may be the first time you physically abused her

 

Unfortunately not true...

 

And this was not the first time I physically assaulted her.

 

iamaidiot, you may have to accept that, while you care about her, being with you isn't the best thing for her now - and perhaps forever. She'll never trust you and she'll always be afraid of you. Work on yourself to discover why you'd do such a morally reprehensible thing. Let her go...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Yasuandio]

The cops were called to the house but no charges were pressed.

 

My dad died a few weeks ago. He was my heart. Typically, hitting someone is not exactly considered a loving gesture, quite the opposite. Did you ever push or choke your dad (or visa-versa)? If your Dad was your "heart," what is your wife and children [your family] to you, really?

 

We got into an argument and I was in such a bad state. I pushed her and choked her and I wrestled with my step-son coming to her defense. Why would you do such a thing to your wife and step-son that merely came to his Mother's defense? What do you think you are teaching him?

 

And this was not the first time I physically assaulted her. Sometimes, a male that has the propensity towards physically assaulting a female has established a pattern of such conduct. It appears, "iamaidiot," that you are strong enough to overpower your wife and step-son. Do you realize some people go to jail when they try to choke others? Did you ever consider the fact that choking your wife could cause her to lose her life? These things happen all the time.

 

Like I said I am being up front here. The last paragraph demonstrates, that, indeed, you are being up front here.

 

I realize that I love her more than ever and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her.I do not believe you love your wife (possible, you "love" to control the woman, and when she resists - well, you know what happens). Is it possible that you actually resent her and the step-child? Do you abuse your own children?

 

But my thing is she wants me to continue to support her while she is in school full time. She was a nurse but we agreed she could go back to school full time. If you agreed to this arrangement, then, what's the problem? I'd consider yourself very lucky to not be behind bars (cause, that is where people go when they commit phisical assault).

 

If she divorces me which I pray does not happen, I don't think I should have to support her if she can go back into the workforce. So, you don't think you should have to support her after this history, which includes choking her? What the heck do you think she is trying to do by attending the school for a nursing credential? She needs certification in some sort of medical profession, to cope with the mental and emotional devistation that she is sattled with in raising her child (that you abused and confused), and your other kids. Nursing sounds like a perfect profession for your wife, especially if she is "empty" enough to even consider remaining in a marriage with a husband that put her life at stake.

 

I eould recomnend being in full support of funding your wife's Nursing Credential. She will have specilized training in case someone in your household gets hurt (by your hand). Think of it as an investment.

 

 

But the most important thing is I am in counseling right now and I never knew my childhood had such an affect on me.. When I hear a woman beater cite the effects of their early childhood, I have a tendency to think and/or state: SO WHAT? Try not to abuse people. Try not to put your hands on a female that is not physically designed to counter your strength.

 

I know I don't deserve her. I just know I would do anything to make it right...If you want to make it right, then I suggest you focus on damages (what you owe her for physical, mental, and emotional detress), and reasonable support - rather than your desire to avoid cost of wife's education to become a nurse.

 

10 Characters. Yas

Edited December 5, 2015 by Yasuandio

[mrs rubble]

I've been in 2 abusive relationships and I desperately wanted my partners to give up the abuse and seek help in counselling. Both went to counselling, but both refused to admit their behaviour was abusive hence nothing changed.

You have admitted there is a problem and are willing to work to fix it, I totally believe you can.

My youngest son had an awful anger management problem too (having learned the behaviour from his father)....I'm thrilled to say that he has it sorted now though and readily admits he had a problem.