Ex wished me happy birthday.

[brokengirl85]

I wish I could tell you it gets better. That's what everyone said to me. Unfortunately, it never got better.

You must keep going though, there's nothing you can do but to live with it. Keep going and hoping you'll feel better.

[Nascarfan]

Hey man, I'm not one of those people to say "I know what you're going through" because I don't, but I have been in a very similar situation. I kid you not, the same thing happened to me. 2 years and 4 months, first love, virginity, left for a "just a friend" guy, reminders were everywhere. I've been no contact with her since December 9th of last year.

 

Let me just tell you this:

 

Eventually, those reminders won't be so strong. Spend time in those areas little by little, and after awhile, they will lose their sad vibe and be replaced by new ones. Running away from it just makes the fear and pain grow. It's tough, but it will be more than worth it.

 

Learn to be happy being single, and complete yourself. If there was any advice I needed back then it was that. Learn to love yourself, be your best friend, and do what you love. You will find someone better even though right now it doesn't seem like it. Believe me, there was a time where I never thought I would get over her and that I would NEVER be happy without her. But eventually, I honestly can say I did. (Heck, it's her birthday today and it hasn't bothered me at all!) No contact + loving yourself + time are the keys to healing.

 

Never run away from how or what you're feeling. Face the problems head on. Turn the negative into a positive (something I learned from a hero of mine, Michael Jordan). Express yourself (if you can't through writing like me, find a counselor that you can let everything out with). These are all things that have helped me immensely through that time.

 

Always remember this: Things WILL get better. Always strive to be the best man you can be. Go no contact. Love yourself and seek your own validation. Do what you love and face the problem head on. Believe me, you're going to be just fine.

[Skullheart]

So it's Thanksgiving and I am having so many flashbacks. It sucks because I was doing well for a good amount of days and then I woke up today and then BOOM. It's really hard to try and stop these flashbacks of how things were last thanksgiving.

 

I find myself tearing up and missing what we use to have. It sucks when you have no one to spend the holiday with.

 

I just had to get this out a tell someone..

[rlc1957]

I remember Holidays spent alone. It will change and get better. I suggest you get busy living. When I was alone I volunteered at the local animal shelter when I was able to be there.

 

 

Find something to do for someone or something else.

 

 

Quit feeling sorry for yourself. You can play the victim but that wears on people fast.

 

 

Good luck.

[Buckeye7]

I felt something similar this thanksgiving. I remember her coming over and having dinner with my parents and how much they got along. I remember how happy and lucky I felt to have someone who loved me as much as her. She made me feel things I didn't think I was capable of feeling. But we all have to focus on what we an control and the feelings of an ex aren't one of them. It's crazy how things can be ok for a few days and then one day you wake up and have this rush of painful feelings

[Skullheart]

If you wish to know the full story of the break up then you can find it in my old posts.

 

It's been about 2 months since the break up and a month of NC. Today I wake up to find that she has sent me a bland happy birthday message over facebook.

I do not have her added on any social media but I don't have her blocked. I still love her and don't want to seem bitter but seeing her profile picture with the man she basically left me for just made this day worse.

 

Should I reply with just a "Thanks" or not reply at all?

[BC1980]

If you wish to know the full story of the break up then you can find it in my old posts.

 

It's been about 2 months since the break up and a month of NC. Today I wake up to find that she has sent me a bland happy birthday message over facebook.

I do not have her added on any social media but I don't have her blocked. I still love her and don't want to seem bitter but seeing her profile picture with the man she basically left me for just made this day worse.

 

Should I reply with just a "Thanks" or not reply at all?

 

No reply. Wishing you happy birthday on social media is pointless. Especially if the profile pic is her and her new BF. Talk about adding salt to the wound. She's just using your birthday as an opportunity to poke around and see if you are still out there. Probably to offload a little guilt while she's at it. Her continual poking around is detrimental to your healing.

[Chelsea5019]

I agree that wishing someone Happy Birthday on social media is meaningless and under the circumstances insensitive. This would be a good time to block her.

[SheleftmeforMichael]

Sorry your going through this rough time, brother. Like others that have posted in this thread, I've been there as well. Our situations are similar even to the point of my ex posting up a facebook post with her new man (she moved on very fast after our breakup and she was seeing the new guy towards the end of our relationship). It hurt like hell to see that but it is a reminder to us that she's moved on as should we. The fond memories will always be there, but the person we once knew is gone.

 

Some really good advice has already been given in this thread so I won't try to rehash any of it.

 

Don't reply back to that message on facebook sent from her. The way that I look at it is if someone really cares and wants to go out of their way to wish you a happy birthday or even say hello...they'll man up and call you. The way your ex tried to reach out to you is a real indicator of how much effort she wanted to put into wishing you a happy birthday...she didn't try to meet with you...she didn't call you...she didn't even text you...she sent you a fb message which shows super minimal effort on her part. I'd find that insulting and would not waste time or emotion on trying to entertain her attempt to "check up on you."

 

I know the breakup is still fresh and not allot of time has passed since that event, but I do hope you get to the point of acceptance that I have and can begin to rebuild and carry on with your life because that's all we have control over right now. We no longer have control of our ex's and what they do or want to do. They're already on their own paths. That finality of it sucks, but it's what we have to accept and recognize. You will come to the point where you get so sick and tired of feeling this way you'll have to make that decision: do I want to stay sad and stuck in this pit of misery or do I want to start focusing on me and what makes me happy again? If you choose to stay sad then you already know where that path will take you as you're in it now...

 

One of the things that has helped me along the way that I have gleaned from this forum is getting back the right positive mindset after breakup and reestablishing rules to live by. That right mindset will be different depending on the individual. After my breakup and after allot of time being in the misery pit, jumping out, falling back in, and coming to the point of acceptance I applied this rule/mindset to my life:

 

Focus your time and energy on the people that want to be in your life and share experiences in it rather than trying to focus on people who don't show effort or don't want to be there at all like our ex's.

[Skullheart]

Thanks for the input guys, I didn't reply and put that message behind me and focused on having a good day.

 

I managed to get a group of my buddies together and we had a pretty good night at the bar.