Why there are so many 20-30 y.o. "forever alone" people?

[insert_name]

Damn. I just checked out George Sodini. Quite frighteningly, he sounds like a lot of frustrated guys here.

 

Guys need to find other reasons to live than just women. There are other things out there.

 

Sodini actually had a respectable careet and a 6 figure+ income and yet was shunned by women.

 

Obviously I don't agree wjth his methods- but his diary makes painful reading seeing how lonely and dispirited he became. Is intimacy a need? I think Maslow put it right up there. I wonder if lack of physical intimacy can cause mental disorders? Society generally does not seem to care about people who don't get it.

 

And you raise a good point about men needing to know that its not all about women- the world at large seems to promote the idea that the pinnacle of a man's achievements is the love of a good woman and that is just wrong. No matter what a man achieves in his life if he isn't successful with women his peers will call him a loser etc, presumably because he can't then have kids and becomes a genetic failure. This stuff is ingrained in our culture and we need to think about that.

[oldshirt]

Sure there are. Get personal goals and dreams. Take advantage of no women being around. Turn it into a good thing.

 

 

 

so in other words work more?????

[oldshirt]

Damn. I just checked out George Sodini. Quite frighteningly, he sounds like a lot of frustrated guys here.

.

 

Right now Homeland Security has no-fly lists and terrorist watch lists.

 

 

One of these days there will be "can't-get-women" watch lists.

[loveweary11]

Sodini actually had a respectable careet and a 6 figure+ income and yet was shunned by women.

 

Yet didn't think to use some of his spare cash to hire some lovin?

 

He should have.

[ltjg45]

Yet didn't think to use some of his spare cash to hire some lovin?

 

He should have.

 

While that is an option, I doubt he would have felt any better as a result of it. It just isn't the same as getting a woman that is initially interested in you. Not to mention prostitution is still illegal.

 

In comparison, I know I wouldn't be any happier if I went down that path.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Sodini actually had a respectable careet and a 6 figure+ income and yet was shunned by women.

 

Obviously I don't agree wjth his methods- but his diary makes painful reading seeing how lonely and dispirited he became. Is intimacy a need? I think Maslow put it right up there. I wonder if lack of physical intimacy can cause mental disorders? Society generally does not seem to care about people who don't get it.

 

And you raise a good point about men needing to know that its not all about women- the world at large seems to promote the idea that the pinnacle of a man's achievements is the love of a good woman and that is just wrong. No matter what a man achieves in his life if he isn't successful with women his peers will call him a loser etc, presumably because he can't then have kids and becomes a genetic failure. This stuff is ingrained in our culture and we need to think about that.

 

Right...even churches, which are geared toward the married families, don't do too much to cater to the singles...thus the reasons you don't see single people going to church services every Sunday. There is some kind of status associated with being married WITH children.

 

Some churches even discourage singles events because they don't their church to be labeled as a "meat market." Usually that's typical of small town churches.

 

Yes, sometimes married couples without kids are looked at rather oddly by the Joneses.

 

Sadly, I've pretty much emailed every woman on POF (when I was on POF) that lives within a 10 to 15 min drive from where I live (that didn't look like Larry the Cable Guy's sister, lol)...with no reply.

 

For the heck of it, I did a search recently on POF to see if they were still on the site. And "Sho 'nuff", speaking of old maids, they were still there. lol.

 

Thank heavens are started going out to more real life events lately.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yet didn't think to use some of his spare cash to hire some lovin?

 

He should have.

 

That's pretty much hitting rock bottom there. Instead of going that route, he should at least have gone the FWB route. (Being a bit facetious there, but you know what I mean)

[Sarabi]

Purely out of interest...when exactly are us "forever alones" classed as old maids?

[Rejected Rosebud]

Right, what I get a kick out of is let's say I ask several women out on a date through the past year...and all of them gave me their phone #'s and when I would call them, I'd not get a call back or if they answered...they would be like "let me check my schedule and get back to you." But you never get any followup.

 

They play this phone tag and games with, etc, etc, etc...you know how it goes.

 

Since this is mostly what goes on with men even trying to get a date with women (the above mentioned), there is nothing he is doing wrong here...it was HER decision to blow you off, flake, or whatever. She's guilty of the bad behavior, not you.

 

I think you are kind of set in your ways but for other guys who read this:

 

a girl giving her phone number and then never calling you back really isn't playing games or phone tag - it's really uncomfortable to say "no, I really don't want to go out with you." I know it's a cop out but we are just trying to let a guy down easier. I know it hurts feelings ... it's part of trying to date though so it's best not to let it get to you!

 

Also not going out with a guy doesn't make her "guilty" of bad behavior or anything else -and getting turned down doesn't make YOU guilty of anything either!

[hotpotato]

While that is an option, I doubt he would have felt any better as a result of it. It just isn't the same as getting a woman that is initially interested in you. Not to mention prostitution is still illegal.

 

In comparison, I know I wouldn't be any happier if I went down that path.

 

Whats the difference between that and having a one night stand aside from the money?

[hotpotato]

That's pretty much hitting rock bottom there. Instead of going that route, he should at least have gone the FWB route. (Being a bit facetious there, but you know what I mean)

Fwb =paying for bills

Hooker= paying in cash

 

He would still be paying either way...

 

Purely out of interest...when exactly are us "forever alones" classed as old maids?

When we are over 30 and over the hill.

[anduina]

These are the demographics of the U.S.

 

• 0-14 years: 19.4% (male 31,580,349/female 30,221,106)
  
• 15-24 years: 13.7% (male 22,436,057/female 21,321,861)
  
• 25-54 years: 39.9% (male 63,452,792/female 63,671,631)
  
• 55-64 years: 12.6% (male 19,309,019/female 20,720,284)
  
• 65 years and over: 14.5% (male 20,304,644/female 25,874,360) (2014 est.)
  

 

There are over 1.1 million more guys than girls between the ages of 15-24. This is a significant number.

[loveweary11]

That's pretty much hitting rock bottom there. Instead of going that route, he should at least have gone the FWB route. (Being a bit facetious there, but you know what I mean)

 

IMO, shooting up places is rock bottom.

 

There would have been no shame in this guy, who clearly could afford to, hiring out some human contact.

 

It costs about the same as dating, so it's not like he would have been making any huge sacrifice.

 

It would have saved people's lives.

 

There is no shame in it.

[Qboro90]

'Move on till you find someone who wants to dare you", such a simplistic concept which doesn't take into account that someone can go years without finding anyone remotely interesting. They would probably be accused of having unrealistic expectations when the reality is we all like what we like and certain attributes are more common than others.

 

This weekend I basically decided if the current person I am after rejects me again I am going to take decisive steps to walk away from dating completely because in this scenario I am utterly convinced it would work with her based on common interests and common thinking and I usually have nothing in common with anyone.

 

Choice gets less with age, I regret spending years studying and wasting my 20s because now at nearly 32 my choice of people is next to nothing because everyone seems to be paired up by 28 and has kids by 31.

 

I think many people in my position would agree with the above.

 

Improvements to who one is are hard to make and even then, sure I got looked at more this past weekend with my new style but speaking to them there was just no attraction at all. The biggest problem is when you meet someone who does give you butterflies then after that its all you want.

 

Would be interesting to see if there is a correlation between what people who haven't had relationships/sex actually look for in a partner and then see if there are some common attributes.

 

I was really with you until I read this.. Was following and thought you were going to say "if the person I'm going after rejects me then I'm going to close the book on her and focus my energy on exploring other options because I can't continue to invest so much time and hope in someone who doesn't view me the same way I view her".... And was going to high five you until I saw you went the complete opposite route and plan on giving up dating completely just because one woman who you feel is perfect for you doesn't have the same emotions toward you.....what's the good in that?

 

You know that you're just going to eventually say to yourself that you wanna give it another shot and even admit your style changes are getting u more attention. Why start over for no reason just because K isn't Into you?

[ltjg45]

Whats the difference between that and having a one night stand aside from the money?

 

If a woman is willing to have a one night stand with a guy, it shows that she has just enough interest of her own free will to sleep with him.

 

When it comes to prostitutes, money trumps all. She may hate the guy to death but if he drops enough cash in front of her to offset it, even she would sleep with him as payment.

[ltjg45]

IMO, shooting up places is rock bottom.

 

There would have been no shame in this guy, who clearly could afford to, hiring out some human contact.

 

It costs about the same as dating, so it's not like he would have been making any huge sacrifice.

 

It would have saved people's lives.

 

There is no shame in it.

 

Actually, there would be a LOT of shame if this ever goes public......and it typically does at some point. This is why transactions within the realm of prostitution is kept under the table.

 

This is why prostitution needs to be legal in the United States. Until then, this mindless slaughter will simply continue as a result.

[LookAtThisPOst]

a girl giving her phone number and then never calling you back really isn't playing games or phone tag - it's really uncomfortable to say "no, I really don't want to go out with you." I know it's a cop out but we are just trying to let a guy down easier.

 

You're rationalizing the bad behavior. Guys reading this, don't buy into it. lol

 

I've had women, though they were few and far between, who straight up told me, "I'm sorry, I just don't think of you in that way." No phone number was given. That was that. Was rather refreshing since the buck stops there.

 

Otherwise you have a guy calling you, leaving a message, then calling you again a few days later, leaving a message. Or, even worse, they actually answer the phone, talk with you for 15-20 mins, and you conclude the conversation with, "Hey, how about we grab a bite this weekend?"

 

Her: "Um, I got a....thing...this..um...weekend. I'll have to see what my schedule is like."

 

Time wasted.

[ltjg45]

You're rationalizing the bad behavior. Guys reading this, don't buy into it. lol

 

I've had women, though they were few and far between, who straight up told me, "I'm sorry, I just don't think of you in that way." No phone number was given. That was that. Was rather refreshing since the buck stops there.

 

Otherwise you have a guy calling you, leaving a message, then calling you again a few days later, leaving a message. Or, even worse, they actually answer the phone, talk with you for 15-20 mins, and you conclude the conversation with, "Hey, how about we grab a bite this weekend?"

 

Her: "Um, I got a....thing...this..um...weekend. I'll have to see what my schedule is like."

 

Time wasted.

 

Sounds more like men getting desperate and putting too much value in getting a woman's phone number because that is all it is, just a phone number. A few numbers and a hyphen. Unless you ask her out and she agrees to go out on a date with you, she isn't dating you.

 

And when men act like that, I don't blame women for not saying "no" directly because these same guys would get angry and aggressive as a result.....and since most women is more concerned about their safety above all else, of course they are going to take precautions.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Damn. I just checked out George Sodini. Quite frighteningly, he sounds like a lot of frustrated guys here.

 

Guys need to find other reasons to live than just women. There are other things out there.

Yes there are other things out there but still the desire to want a romantic, sexual, intimate relationship with the opposite sex(unless your straight) is an innate, instinctual desire that does not go away

[LookAtThisPOst]

Sounds more like men getting desperate and putting too much value in getting a woman's phone number because that is all it is, just a phone number.

 

I have no idea where you're getting this theory from. You're really reaching for answers here.

 

 

And when men act like that, I don't blame women for not saying "no" directly because these same guys would get angry and aggressive as a result.....

 

Seriously, where are you getting these ideas?

 

and since most women is more concerned about their safety above all else, of course they are going to take precautions.

 

How did you go from "asking for a phone number" to "a woman fearing for her safety?" Play the victim card much?

[loveweary11]

These are the demographics of the U.S.

 

• 0-14 years: 19.4% (male 31,580,349/female 30,221,106)
  
• 15-24 years: 13.7% (male 22,436,057/female 21,321,861)
  
• 25-54 years: 39.9% (male 63,452,792/female 63,671,631)
  
• 55-64 years: 12.6% (male 19,309,019/female 20,720,284)
  
• 65 years and over: 14.5% (male 20,304,644/female 25,874,360) (2014 est.)
  

 

There are over 1.1 million more guys than girls between the ages of 15-24. This is a significant number.

 

Whoa! Why is this??

[ltjg45]

I have no idea where you're getting this theory from. You're really reaching for answers here.

 

I am not reaching.

 

You ask a woman for her phone number. You got a phone number.

 

What do you expect it to be? A date invitation?

 

You have to see it for what it is. It is just a phone number. There's no guarantees past that point. You hasn't gotten any closer to dating her than when you approached her.

 

She may not even answer the phone. She may answer and decline when you ask her out. You may call and find out she gave you the wrong phone number.

 

Any of that is possible. So why put so much value into getting it? That is what I don't understand.

[hotpotato]

If a woman is willing to have a one night stand with a guy, it shows that she has just enough interest of her own free will to sleep with him.

 

When it comes to prostitutes, money trumps all. She may hate the guy to death but if he drops enough cash in front of her to offset it, even she would sleep with him as payment.

 

I could say something similar about men as you said abt prostitutes.

 

There are a lot od reasons a woman can have sex. It doeant mean she likes him or is interested in him. A lot of fwbs or even dates involve exchanging money and sex in some way, shape, or form.

[MGX]

And you raise a good point about men needing to know that its not all about women- the world at large seems to promote the idea that the pinnacle of a man's achievements is the love of a good woman and that is just wrong. No matter what a man achieves in his life if he isn't successful with women his peers will call him a loser etc, presumably because he can't then have kids and becomes a genetic failure. This stuff is ingrained in our culture and we need to think about that.

 

so in other words work more?????

 

Since guys aren't starting families, then I think that they should leave their mark on the world in another way. Channel that unused passion into creativity -- something that lasts forever (or at least something memorable that affects the cultural zeitgiest temporarily) . Create a song that people will be playing a hundred years from now. Create some characters for novels, television, video games, toys, etc. Write books. Make that killer iPhone app.

 

A lot of women here bash video game players? Then MAKE the video games, since you play so much. Make the next Black Ops 3 or Street Fighter 5.

 

You don't need a woman to do any of these.

 

Or if you aren't creative, channel that passion into your work. Literally fall in love with your work and be the best! No kids, girlfriend or wife? You'd have an advantage over most people and can be a superstar without those distractions.

[MGX]

I think you are kind of set in your ways but for other guys who read this:

 

a girl giving her phone number and then never calling you back really isn't playing games or phone tag - it's really uncomfortable to say "no, I really don't want to go out with you." I know it's a cop out but we are just trying to let a guy down easier. I know it hurts feelings ... it's part of trying to date though so it's best not to let it get to you!

 

Also not going out with a guy doesn't make her "guilty" of bad behavior or anything else -and getting turned down doesn't make YOU guilty of anything either!

 

I'd rather a woman be honest up front and tell the guy that she isn't interested. Kill any thoughts of romance IMMEDIATELY. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets.

 

I was really with you until I read this.. Was following and thought you were going to say "if the person I'm going after rejects me then I'm going to close the book on her and focus my energy on exploring other options because I can't continue to invest so much time and hope in someone who doesn't view me the same way I view her".... And was going to high five you until I saw you went the complete opposite route and plan on giving up dating completely just because one woman who you feel is perfect for you doesn't have the same emotions toward you.....what's the good in that?

 

You know that you're just going to eventually say to yourself that you wanna give it another shot and even admit your style changes are getting u more attention. Why start over for no reason just because K isn't Into you?

 

It isn't because of one woman, it's because of many women over time. This one is the straw that broke the camel's back. ZA Dater should be done with this crap, if no woman is giving him the time of day. Drop worrying about women like a bad habit and focus that energy on actual feasible goals within his reach.

 

Yes there are other things out there but still the desire to want a romantic, sexual, intimate relationship with the opposite sex(unless your straight) is an innate, instinctual desire that does not go away

 

Those feelings can be fought and minimized, like hunger. Or channeled in other directions. Clergy does this all the time. If you assume that no woman looks in your direction, you can ignore them completely -- nothing will happen anyway.