Why there are so many 20-30 y.o. "forever alone" people?

[shoplocal]

Way I see it there is so very few people I genuinely like that if this doesn't work out I can quite easily walk away because its so seldom I meet anyone I am interested in. Age isn't making me any more desirable, if anything inexperience with age makes me considerably less desirable.

 

Its easy to sit and say oh there are other, when in fact there are not, its yet more difficult to look back and see one has had NO discernible success EVER at dating, in other words there is no real motivation to continue when every single time one is rejected and please don't tell me everyone gets rejected because I have yet to meet a slim, athletic 31 yo who has not been kissed or had a gf.

 

People don't understand what its like to carry that baggage around.

 

I understand!!! I'm just like you, but a smidge older (and a woman, hah). I totally get why you want to give up -- I've actually been in the same mindset for the better part of this year. No words of advice here, just want you to know someone gets it.

[MGX]

And that alone is a big risk for the woman because she doesn't know how that guy would respond. It is a rather safe assumption that guys do not take rejection kindly, on average, and if he decided to lose his cool because of it, things can get ugly fast.

 

And you would think that she wrote it down incorrectly on purpose because she doesn't like you and is not willing to risk a head-on incident. If she likes you, she would be glad to give you the correct phone number.

 

It's like you guys can't even fathom the basics of the daily risks women go through these days when it comes to interactions with other guys.

 

If a guy can muster up the courage to ask you out, you can muster up the courage to decline him. This isn't the 1800's.

 

Things can get uglier if gave a guy a wrong number and tricked him into thinking you're interested in him. So why not tell the truth outright and be done with him?

 

No offense but insisting to do that is one of the more weirdly controlling and paranoid things I've ever heard of.

 

First of all, the odds that someone is going to give you a fake number are pretty low. Its not unheard of, but performing some kind of phone number confirmation process on every number you get is like having the waiter try your soup to make sure its not poisoned. You'll catch the problem if it happens once, but you'll look like a weirdo every other time.

 

Now, obviously poisoned soup is an infinitely bigger deal than a fake phone number. On the flip side its infinitely less likely. My point is that whatever risk you are trying to manage here is so incredibly slim, diffuse, and minor. I'd be spooked if someone did this little jig with me of confirming my phone number. Its not something normal people do.

 

If someone gives you a number you use it. If you don't get a response than you turn your attention to something that's worth it. You're not gonna die.

 

I think wrong numbers occur much more often than you think with men. Some women tend not to be straight up and honest in rejecting you. That's where I'm coming from with confirmation that the number is correct.

 

I'm sure most women wouldn't appreciate being lied to by men. I'm sure men would love the same courtesy.

[hotpotato]

That would work too but that would be making an assumption that the average American man would be smart enough to consider that. I know I wouldn't if I was on the spot.

 

Not to mention that, by doing this, just shows he has no trust in her to begin with, which will kill a guy's chances pretty quickly if there was any chance to begin with. What decent woman wants a guy that already admitted that he doesn't even trust you?

 

Unless a guy likes shooting himself in the foot constantly, that isn't a wise strategy if you ever want any decent relationship.

 

As far as I am concerned, if she doesn't like you to the point where she purposely gave you the wrong number, just let it go and keep looking. Why make it a bigger issue than it needs to be?

 

I think you are over thinking all of this.

If she gives you the wrong number, thats just one more reason ti next her. Just tell her you want to put your number in her phone.

[ltjg45]

I think you are over thinking all of this.

If she gives you the wrong number, thats just one more reason ti next her.

 

That is basically what I am trying to say. She is simply not interested. This is just one of the many ways of her showing that disinterest.

[GunslingerRoland]

To me, it says a lot about the people suggesting to try the # right there. It clearly isn't going to make an uninterested girl suddenly interested? So what is the goal? Public shaming? So you can talk on internet forums about how many girls have given you fake numbers and how you called them out on it? to me, this is just feeding that exact same anger that some of you have towards the opposite sex, that you need to get over to interact with them in a healthy fashion.

[MGX]

To me, it says a lot about the people suggesting to try the # right there. It clearly isn't going to make an uninterested girl suddenly interested? So what is the goal? Public shaming? So you can talk on internet forums about how many girls have given you fake numbers and how you called them out on it? to me, this is just feeding that exact same anger that some of you have towards the opposite sex, that you need to get over to interact with them in a healthy fashion.

 

Men hate women because they want the ladies to be honest with them???!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!!!

 

Preferring a straightforward "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested" over being given a phone number that would be revealed as being false later doesn't equal a hatred of women.

 

I wouldn't like lies from either sex.

Edited December 9, 2015 by MGX

[hasaquestion]

I think wrong numbers occur much more often than you think with men. Some women tend not to be straight up and honest in rejecting you. That's where I'm coming from with confirmation that the number is correct.

 

I'm sure most women wouldn't appreciate being lied to by men. I'm sure men would love the same courtesy.

 

I never said it doesn't happen. I've seen it before. I said its uncommon. How often do you think it happens? How many real phone numbers are exchanged in a day, for every made-up one? 20? 30? 40? Do you really think any non-trivial fraction of the phone numbers that humans give each other on a day to day basis are fake?

 

I think you're missing the point. At best, you are catching a few big bad liars in the act over time with this little strategy. Which has zero value to you. Meanwhile, you are looking like a huge weirdo in front of everyone else whose number you ask for. If I were a girl and a guy I wasn't falling over myself about told me he wanted to check my phone number was real, they'd never hear from me again.

[loveweary11]

The wrong number thing happens a lot.

 

All the girls I know do it on occasion.

 

My ex used to do it routinely, giving out a local pizza place.

 

Problem is... guys need to be aware of the dynamic. I never ask for a number. I have her suggest it.

 

I get to know them more slowly. Ask them out, not for their number.

 

Once they decide they want to see you, then you "exchange numbers" via text. They text you and you text them.

 

It's all in how you go about these things.

 

If a guy goes after a girl like a bull in a china shop, it's a mess. If you get her interested first, then exchange numbers, instead of acting too forceful, you'll always get the real one.

 

I've said it here 1000x.

 

Getting girls is like getting a cat you don't know to come over. It takes a certain openness and finesse. Stomping through the dynamic results in disaster.

 

And... if you're doing it right... you are reading her and will know she's not interested sometimes, so you don't ask for a number.

 

You can't force a girl to like you any more than you can force a cat to come to you.

 

It's a 2 way dance.

[lollipopspot]

Things can get uglier if gave a guy a wrong number and tricked him into thinking you're interested in him. So why not tell the truth outright and be done with him?

 

You might be surprised at how persistent some guys are. They can take a no as a challenge. A fake number might be a way for the lady to get away from a guy who otherwise won't leave her alone.

 

In some cases it might actually be better for the guy socially than a public rejection - he appeared to get her number, after all.

 

It can certainly be a bind between the training to be "feminine" (which a lot of men seem to like), and the assertiveness required to get someone persistent to leave.

 

Honesty and respect from all parties would be best, but that's often not reality.

[MGX]

I never said it doesn't happen. I've seen it before. I said its uncommon. How often do you think it happens? How many real phone numbers are exchanged in a day, for every made-up one? 20? 30? 40? Do you really think any non-trivial fraction of the phone numbers that humans give each other on a day to day basis are fake?

 

I think you're missing the point. At best, you are catching a few big bad liars in the act over time with this little strategy. Which has zero value to you. Meanwhile, you are looking like a huge weirdo in front of everyone else whose number you ask for. If I were a girl and a guy I wasn't falling over myself about told me he wanted to check my phone number was real, they'd never hear from me again.

 

Maybe you're lucky enough for false numbers to be uncommon or to be an okay practice, but not everyone has the same experiences. Obviously, I saw this practice way more than you have. Some don't give it a second thought.

[MGX]

You might be surprised at how persistent some guys are. They can take a no as a challenge. A fake number might be a way for the lady to get away from a guy who otherwise won't leave her alone.

 

In some cases it might actually be better for the guy socially than a public rejection - he appeared to get her number, after all.

 

It can certainly be a bind between the training to be "feminine" (which a lot of men seem to like), and the assertiveness required to get someone persistent to leave.

 

Honesty and respect from all parties would be best, but that's often not reality.

 

I'm impressed. Informative, rather than defensive or passive aggressive.

Bravo!

[loveweary11]

Maybe you're lucky enough for false numbers to be uncommon or to be an okay practice, but not everyone has the same experiences. Obviously, I saw this practice way more than you have. Some don't give it a second thought.

 

Maybe geography has something to do with it.

 

Very, very common practice in NY/NJ.

[GunslingerRoland]

Men hate women because they want the ladies to be honest with them???!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!!!

 

Preferring a straightforward "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested" over being given a phone number that would be revealed as being false later doesn't equal a hatred of women.

 

I wouldn't like lies from either sex.

 

I think there is a difference between wanting women to be honest with you and starting your interaction with a woman with something to put their honesty on trial.

[MGX]

I think there is a difference between wanting women to be honest with you and starting your interaction with a woman with something to put their honesty on trial.

 

Deceitful women started the interaction with feigned interest and ended with a falsehood, when they could have told a guy flat out that they weren't interested.

 

I ask you a question and you lie to me. Who's the bad person again?

 

Nobody likes a liar or dishonesty. This is where I'm coming from.

[hotpotato]

I didnt realize calling her phone was that big of a deal. Sheesh.

[hasaquestion]

I didnt realize calling her phone was that big of a deal. Sheesh.

 

Its more that getting someone's number, and then following it up with "I'm going to call you now to make sure its actually your number and you aren't lying to me, because all women are crazy shallow b*tches".... that's a big deal.

 

I mean, you could pass it off without mentioning the real reason ("So I'll just call your number so I don't have to actually enter it in your phone"). But even, I can't be the only person who keeps their phone on silent.

 

Like someone else said, you're putting the subject on trial right away. It makes you sound like you harbor a lot of insecurity. It makes you look like you care too much about things you have no reason to care about. Who gives a F if someone gives you a fake number? Do you want to be compensated damages for the 15 seconds you put into a call or text? Its just a ridiculous thing to care about. It doesn't affect your life. You dodged a bullet if nothing else.

 

Deceitful women started the interaction with feigned interest and ended with a falsehood, when they could have told a guy flat out that they weren't interested.

 

I ask you a question and you lie to me. Who's the bad person again?

 

Nobody likes a liar or dishonesty. This is where I'm coming from.

 

Things are never black and white. The bad person could be the girl who gave someone a fake phone number. It could be the guy who's been given 1,000 signals that they aren't welcome and won't go away. It could be a combination of the two.

 

I'm not trying to apologize for the practice, its a jerk thing to do. It's just important to be pragmatic. If you frame socializing as part of the cosmic struggle between good and evil its not going to be much fun for anyone involved.

[MGX]

Its more that getting someone's number, and then following it up with "I'm going to call you now to make sure its actually your number and you aren't lying to me, because all women are crazy shallow b*tches".... that's a big deal.

 

You make getting a number sound like a Salem witch hunt organized by men who hate women!

 

That's your way of seeing it. My way is this:

 

"It was nice speaking to you! Would you like to do this again over a cup of coffee?"

 

"Sure. Let me give you my number."

 

"Okay...let me call, so that you have my number t--wait, this is a plumber in Oklahoma? What's this?"

 

"I'm really sorry. I wasn't feeling you and didn't have the nerve to say it to you in person!"

 

The guy in that example wasn't a stalker. He wasn't some drunk belligerent who can't take no for an answer. He just asked a woman out that he liked and she lied to him from the start, when she could have been honest.

 

I mean, you could pass it off without mentioning the real reason ("So I'll just call your number so I don't have to actually enter it in your phone"). But even, I can't be the only person who keeps their phone on silent.

 

Like someone else said, you're putting the subject on trial right away. It makes you sound like you harbor a lot of insecurity. It makes you look like you care too much about things you have no reason to care about. Who gives a F if someone gives you a fake number? Do you want to be compensated damages for the 15 seconds you put into a call or text? Its just a ridiculous thing to care about. It doesn't affect your life. You dodged a bullet if nothing else.

 

The insecure one would be the mousy woman who couldn't tell the man that she isn't interested.

 

Why waste time BSing with a man that you don't like when you could simply, I dunno...tell the truth?!This is the point that you keep on missing. A woman can't tell a man upfront that she isn't interested? She has to resort to deceit from the start?

 

I think this is all depending on where you're from. In South NJ, people call numbers all the time right after they entered them on the phone unconsciously. Mainly because there isn't a piece of paper around and it ensures that you have the number right.

 

My boss does it with his employees

People that you haven't seen for a long time do this

Friends and co-workers do this

[Imajerk17]

The whole "calling to make sure she didn't intentionally give you the wrong number" is laughable to me. I mean, hopefully you have an idea that she could be interested, BEFORE you even asked for the number in the first place. Also, even if you do get the correct number, it won't help if she isn't interested. She can easily ignore your texts and calls.

 

I have come across my share of women who weren't interested in me back, but I never experienced a woman intentionally giving me a fake number. It's just not a concern to me. I HAVE had women give me their number and not call me back, but stuff such as that is part of dating. She could have changed her mind due to something happening on her end say.

 

Meanwhile, If the woman is interested and there is any chance of a go, the only thing you need to be concerned about is making an unintentional mistake on the digits. After a woman gives me her number, I repeat back to her what I have to make sure I got it down right. If a woman is interested, she will appreciate my due diligence and will gladly spend the extra 10 seconds to make sure I have it down right. If a woman isn't really interested, then that will be clear too.

 

Then *after it is clear she wants me to have her number* (see above paragraphs), I will call the number that I got, but that's to make sure she has my number. What happens is she pulls out her phone and checks herself.

 

See the difference?

Edited December 10, 2015 by Imajerk17

[GunslingerRoland]

You make getting a number sound like a Salem witch hunt organized by men who hate women!

 

That's your way of seeing it. My way is this:

 

"It was nice speaking to you! Would you like to do this again over a cup of coffee?"

 

"Sure. Let me give you my number."

 

"Okay...let me call, so that you have my number t--wait, this is a plumber in Oklahoma? What's this?"

 

"I'm really sorry. I wasn't feeling you and didn't have the nerve to say it to you in person!"

 

The guy in that example wasn't a stalker. He wasn't some drunk belligerent who can't take no for an answer. He just asked a woman out that he liked and she lied to him from the start, when she could have been honest.

 

 

But what is the end goal? To publicly embarrass the person? I'm not saying it isn't crappy to give a fake number to avoid being honest, but I don't get what you gain by proving it?

 

 

My boss does it with his employees

People that you haven't seen for a long time do this

Friends and co-workers do this

 

 

That must be a local thing, I've never seen anyone do that before.

[GorillaTheater]

But what is the end goal? To publicly embarrass the person? I'm not saying it isn't crappy to give a fake number to avoid being honest, but I don't get what you gain by proving it?

 

 

It'll at least confirm to her that she dodged a bullet by giving him a fake number.

[pteromom]

I haven't read all the responses, but there aren't "so many" 20-30 year old "forever alone" people.

 

These people have always been out there. There have always been guys who have a hard time with dating and attracting a mate. There have always been guys who get either down on themselves or bitter at women (or both) because no women seem to want them.

 

The difference between "then" and "now" is that now there is The Internet...this magical thing that allows any like-minded group to commiserate, and feed their beliefs and neuroses.

 

Now, rather than quietly going home at night to be alone, these people quietly go home at night and post and chat and write articles that validate their points of view. Rather than being quiet victims, they are now loud victims - crying out at the injustices of dating and the social pecking order.

 

In one way, it's a good thing, because everyone needs to be heard, and everyone needs friends.

 

In another way, it is a very bad thing, because when you find a place where you are totally accepted even though you are a very broken person, you have no impetus to fix yourself and grow.

[LookAtThisPOst]

The whole "calling to make sure she didn't intentionally give you the wrong number" is laughable to me. I mean, hopefully you have an idea that she could be interested, BEFORE you even asked for the number in the first place. Also, even if you do get the correct number, it won't help if she isn't interested. She can easily ignore your texts and calls.

 

Yeah, back before the cell phone thing became popular, I'd get phone numbers from women on little pieces of paper. They were the correct #'s, but they wouldn't return my calls. I had a pretty good stack going at the time.

[MGX]

But what is the end goal? To publicly embarrass the person? I'm not saying it isn't crappy to give a fake number to avoid being honest, but I don't get what you gain by proving it?

 

I wouldn't like people to lie to me or play stupid games. Is that SO wrong?

 

It'll at least confirm to her that she dodged a bullet by giving him a fake number.

 

So it's commendable to lie and deceive people.

 

Edited December 11, 2015 by MGX

[ltjg45]

So it's commendable to lie and deceive people.

 

 

It is when that person can't take the hint and leave me alone. I got that issue with a very annoying co-worker, always getting into my space despite my body language says otherwise.

 

Going through that, I understand why women do the same thing and considering how aggressive and stubborn most guys are, I don't blame them either.

 

What you are asking for only works in an ideal world. The real world is nowhere near close to ideal and it will never be.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Well I've heard in the Mallard species of Ducks, the majority of males never get to mate, so I guess that's why maybe it is a possibility that more men than women end up as FA's, always been single