A year and a half later, an update.

[Ladyjane14]

People who say I'm sacred and scared of change are right. After this I had to make choices and each and every choice came with some positives but also very serious consequences. Nothing was a win-win anymore, that was out the window the moment I found out about this betrayal.

 

How do you make it better? Hurt less? I'm open to ideas but I think time and a healthy marriage go a long way. A bit of denial and "not thinking about it" help too. I don't think the happiest and most moved on people are on this board because they don't need or want to dwell in it. In those extended moments I'm just living my life things are great and Im happy it's just being snapped back by my mind to what happened that spoils it all.

 

Hopefully it gets less but I still have my family together and that means a lot to me.

 

I think what helps in those moments is remembering that the other path has it's own set of problems. The past goes with you like so much baggage no matter where you go or whatever choices you make.

 

So yeah, you might find yourself picking at scabs now and then on this one. On the other, you might have spent a lifetime licking open wounds. If you KNOW, in your heart of hearts, that you would have ended up as a bitter person on the other path, you've got nothing to lose on this one.

[ladydesigner]

People who say I'm sacred and scared of change are right. After this I had to make choices and each and every choice came with some positives but also very serious consequences. Nothing was a win-win anymore, that was out the window the moment I found out about this betrayal.

 

How do you make it better? Hurt less? I'm open to ideas but I think time and a healthy marriage go a long way. A bit of denial and "not thinking about it" help too. I don't think the happiest and most moved on people are on this board because they don't need or want to dwell in it. In those extended moments I'm just living my life things are great and Im happy it's just being snapped back by my mind to what happened that spoils it all.

 

Hopefully it gets less but I still have my family together and that means a lot to me.

 

Totally! That is exactly how I felt after my False R. There is no winning for anyone in this situation.

 

betrayedandhurting I hope the best for you! I don't know your whole backstory but I understand the pain of multiple Ddays and those aren't fun at all! While I too hope for R, I am unfortunately still in limbo as it has taken me this long to wrap my mind around how my WH could have put me through False R. It is hard for me to see him as a good person even though he is trying and is remorseful, now.

 

betrayedandhurting just curious about your level of trust for your wife now? I'm asking this because ever since my False R I have stopped any and all hypervigillance because I had every tracker imaginable on him and he still managed to take his A with MOW underground. I wouldn't know the truth coming from him or not. This is where I struggle. How to believe what the WS is proclaiming to be true?

[betrayedandhurting]

betrayedandhurting just curious about your level of trust for your wife now? I'm asking this because ever since my False R I have stopped any and all hypervigillance because I had every tracker imaginable on him and he still managed to take his A with MOW underground. I wouldn't know the truth coming from him or not. This is where I struggle. How to believe what the WS is proclaiming to be true?

 

I am certain the affair is over and there is NC that has been maintained for at least 18 months. In their case I think both never ever intended to leave their families it truly was some sick second life they could live on the side, seperate from their "real" lives. I think for both the moment it threatened their "real" life neither had much desire to try to find a way to keep it going. They could try and might get away with it for a very limited time but I have ways in place that I'm confident the wool will never be pulled over my eyes for long. It's obvious the tremendous difference in my wife and how she is towards me, our marriage and our family. I really failed to see how that all slid away because it happened so slowly over time you didn't notice like gaining weight a few pounds here or there until one day you catch a look in the mirror and wonder who you are. She has put tremendous new boundaries around herself and is doing all the right things.

 

As for trust well I feel secure in the short term but my wife is a broken person I think has been her whole life. Her insecurities and low self esteem manifested themselves in a very self destructive way. People rip you on this board for saying that because then you are "making excuses" for your spouse but the reality is many people self medicate their pains in very self destructive ways with alcohol, drugs, affairs and more and leave friends, families and spouses to pick up the shattered pieces. It's a story as old as time. I do wonder all the time if my wife is doing all she is doing now because the alternative is unacceptable (losing her family) or because she truly loves me and no longer wants anyone else having almost lost me. It's a fine line and you will never ever really know. I was SO certain of her viewing me the way I viewed her and of course both those things blewup forever 18 months ago.

 

Who knows I am rambling now but do I think she is still having an affair? Absolutely not. Do I think she is in a position now that puts a new affair as a possibility? Absolutely not. Do I see huge positive changes in her day to day behavior towards me and our family. For sure! Do I think she will ever have another affair after the huge blow up that happened and her reaction to it? I think it's unlikely but I'm not certain. Finally do I think she has genuinely come back home to feeling about me in the way I always felt about her, do I know she thinks only of me etc.? I have no idea these days, don't know if I'll ever know and that hurts.

[merrmeade]

I am certain the affair is over and there is NC that has been maintained for at least 18 months. In their case I think both never ever intended to leave their families it truly was some sick second life they could live on the side, seperate from their "real" lives. I think for both the moment it threatened their "real" life neither had much desire to try to find a way to keep it going. They could try and might get away with it for a very limited time but I have ways in place that I'm confident the wool will never be pulled over my eyes for long. It's obvious the tremendous difference in my wife and how she is towards me, our marriage and our family. I really failed to see how that all slid away because it happened so slowly over time you didn't notice like gaining weight a few pounds here or there until one day you catch a look in the mirror and wonder who you are. She has put tremendous new boundaries around herself and is doing all the right things.

 

As for trust well I feel secure in the short term but my wife is a broken person I think has been her whole life. Her insecurities and low self esteem manifested themselves in a very self destructive way. People rip you on this board for saying that because then you are "making excuses" for your spouse but the reality is many people self medicate their pains in very self destructive ways with alcohol, drugs, affairs and more and leave friends, families and spouses to pick up the shattered pieces. It's a story as old as time. I do wonder all the time if my wife is doing all she is doing now because the alternative is unacceptable (losing her family) or because she truly loves me and no longer wants anyone else having almost lost me. It's a fine line and you will never ever really know. I was SO certain of her viewing me the way I viewed her and of course both those things blewup forever 18 months ago.

 

Who knows I am rambling now but do I think she is still having an affair? Absolutely not. Do I think she is in a position now that puts a new affair as a possibility? Absolutely not. Do I see huge positive changes in her day to day behavior towards me and our family. For sure! Do I think she will ever have another affair after the huge blow up that happened and her reaction to it? I think it's unlikely but I'm not certain. Finally do I think she has genuinely come back home to feeling about me in the way I always felt about her, do I know she thinks only of me etc.? I have no idea these days, don't know if I'll ever know and that hurts.

Well, that about sums it up for me, too, b&h. I'm SO glad you posted this. I'm sure many will still see this as settling, but your description of R fits and is probably as good as it gets. My problem is that the more time goes by and the more healed I am of the hurt, the more angry I've become and disdainful of my WH, broken or no. Reading and posting on LS day and night doesn't help, but I'm impressed at your understanding and sympathy. I'll have to think about whether I even want to work on that.

 

One thing I am confident of: There will be no more affairs. But it's the least of my concerns. More important is whether I can love this man again in the way I deserve to enjoy. I realize how odd that reads, but it's what it is.

Edited December 13, 2015 by merrmeade

[Mr Blunt]

By BAH

I'm just living my life things are great and Im happy it's just being snapped back by my mind to what happened that spoils it all.

You are doing real well at this point!!!!

 

 

There are ways to keep those spoiler thoughts to a minimum and that will help. Find out which ones work for you then do it; talking about it is not as good as DOING IT! When they come make a decision to replace them with the good thoughts. You cannot change some spoiler things by thinking about them so stop allowing them to to occupy your thoughts.

 

Accentuate the positive eliminate the negative

 

 

Your last post (post 152) shows that you have a good grasp on reality and understand your situation.

[sidney2718]

People who say I'm sacred and scared of change are right. After this I had to make choices and each and every choice came with some positives but also very serious consequences. Nothing was a win-win anymore, that was out the window the moment I found out about this betrayal.

 

How do you make it better? Hurt less? I'm open to ideas but I think time and a healthy marriage go a long way. A bit of denial and "not thinking about it" help too. I don't think the happiest and most moved on people are on this board because they don't need or want to dwell in it. In those extended moments I'm just living my life things are great and Im happy it's just being snapped back by my mind to what happened that spoils it all.

 

Hopefully it gets less but I still have my family together and that means a lot to me.

 

Be very careful. Folks have been piling on you because you bring up feelings in them that they do not want brought up.

 

One outstanding feature of TAM is the large number of folks for whom cheating, emotional or physical, means to them that the marriage is over. For many it is easier to divorce than to face their imperfect spouse and deal with the reality.

 

You've done it. You deserve commendation and indeed some have given you that. Others can't because all they have left is the ashes of a marriage.

 

I congratulate you and I congratulate your wife. You've both done what needed to be done to fix your marriage. She knows it. There have been many clues. One of the strongest that you mentioned is that she's showing enthusiasm in bed. That's not easy to fake, time and time again. The horror of the affair has brought you two closer together and my guess is that your marriage will endure.

 

And I say BRAVO! You've shown real guts.

[RySant]

I have been through hell. The extent of my wife's betrayal was titanic, documented on this site and I've been lied to about the extent over and over again as she tried to protect herself and save the marriage. I found out even more for months after I stopped updating my thread. I doubt I will ever know the 100% truth. I would have sworn on a stack of bibles I would leave in an instant for half of what I found but I have stayed.

 

I stayed because I'm 100% sure she ended it instantly when I found out. She never blamed me, not once, and has been on her knees trying to save the marriage ever since. She has been in constant therapy for more than a year and a half and shows deep, deep remorse and has taken and accepted levels of anger on my part I simply didn't know I was capable of. She treats me like an entirely different woman now and is full of warmth and respect and I hope real love. I know some of the reasons I truly believe it happened and know it wasn't me. Despite daily pain for me our marriage has reached a very different place then it was before and frankly is all I've ever wanted if not for the knowledge of what has occurred weighing on me everyday.

 

It's the daily pain I want people to understand. Please don't stay unless your spouse turns their own 180. My wife now is incredible in the way she treats me. Daily affirmations of how lucky she is I stayed. Incredible attention to me and the children and running our household with happiness she even has the chance to do it rather than the previous resentment thinking she wasn't appreciated enough. A complete surrender to my need and desires in the marriage and in the bedroom with excitement and genuine desire. Date nights, vacations away from the kids, long household projects we have built together over months etc. have me looking at my wife with new found appreciation. Despite all this a year and a half in... my heart aches every single day. Every single day. It's so bizarre to love your wife so deeply, to genuinely be so amazed at how great you find your marriage but then instantly have your mind go back and torture you with the absolutely knowledge that this woman who seems so amazing and promised you so much is still the greatest liar you've ever known. It makes all the good stuff so much less. I hope it changes, it has to, but you know the 2-5 years they claim it takes. Sigh. Like I have said I honestly believe my wife's betrayals were among the worst I've heard of but she has also done many, many "right" things (other than the need to protect herself from the consequences of her betrayals by trickle truth which has been a big block obviously) and we are in a great place but I'm not truly happy. My kids are great and that's important to me.

 

That said... where is my line? Easy. Never, ever again. Anything. Any secret moving forward. A secret phone call with any man, an email... anything... doesn't have to be physical, doesn't have to even have a history... the slightest mistake tomorrow or 30 years from now I walk away. I don't care how much money I lose or the consequences on my kids, I know I can have a clean conscience I have done all I could and more than I ever should have to try and save this. The line in the sand going forward is nothing short of perfection. Hopefully in a year or two I can somehow say I've moved beyond this and I respect my marriage again, who knows.

 

Just an update. I'm still here.

 

I might be gay but just wanted to tell you that if I will marry or have a long-lasting relationship someday, I wish to have someone like you You arer definitely a great guy and you are a living proof that love exists and that despite the lies and infidelities your wife did to you, you never even took revenge by doing the same thing.

 

Wonderful, wonderful man. :love::love:

[wmacbride]

OP,

I hope you don't mind some comments on what you wrote. I haven't made it through the whole thread yet, so I will only comment on what I have read so far.

 

Just speaking form my own experience a bit further out that you ( going on seven years now) is triggers will still happen, and I can't help but think that's normal. You've been through an incredibly traumatic series of experiences, and you probably won't forget them.

 

That's just a way of protecting yourself. I still do it too. In my case, my husband's A was much sorter, but still painful, and sometimes, it still smacks me in the face just how bad it got.

 

If you don't mind a piece of advice. It sounds like you have a very positive view of your wife, but it's countered by the knowledge of how much she hurt you. Your trust was also broken. It takes time to rebuild that, and you can't force it.

 

it also sounds as if your wife is trying very hard to show you she is sorry, that she has changed, that she loves you, etc. She is expending a huge amount of emotional energy, and I have to ask, do you think that is sustainable for her? If not, ow will you feel when things gear down a bit? Will that bring all the pain back to the surface?

 

It also sounds as if you really love your kids to death:), but it also sounds as if much of your life centers around them. That's not a bad thing,but what will happen when your kids are grown and no longer require so much of your emotional focus? Do you think your mind may start to wander back to the way your wife hurt you?

 

I won't judge you choosing to stay, as I made the same choice. I've often been told how strong I am, that it can be easier to go than to stay. I don't know if those are true or not. So many things factored in to my decision, just as they did with yours.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

Sorry you are enduring this. Frankly, I have never known a woman that would be worth it. Good luck.

[TX-SC]

There seems to be a whole lot of anger on this forum, and a general hatred for anyone who makes a mistake or cheats. It's understandable, and people who cheat but are unremorseful really bother me. But, when a spouse is truly remorseful and does all of the right things to show it, I see no reason to not reconsile, if you feel it is right for you. I reread your original thread again since it has been so long. What your wife did was to have a textbook affair. At least she never fell out of love for you. Many do. The fact that she TT'd you is not uncommon. She acted like most do when they are caught. She minimized it. Did she do this to save herself and the marriage, or did she do this to not hurt you any more? Only she knows and you probably never will. You are correct that there are things you'll just have to assume she is lying about. It's probably hard for her to recount such hurtful things. And yes, I'm sure she would love to erase that part of her life.

 

The things that she did can never be undone. The mind movies will ease with time, but they will never go away. To move forward, you need to divide your marriage into "pre affair" and "post affair." You love your wife, and she loves you. Just remember that and think of the future as you move forward. Your wife probably wasn't a virgin when you married, so think of the sex as you would have before marriage. It's the betrayal that hurts the most. It's the fact that she would be willing to trade you for some words and acts of confirmation from another man. And, that is EXACTLY what it is. If she knew enough to hide it, then she certainly knew it was wrong and would likely lead to a divorce. So she did indeed KNOW that by doing that, she would probably lose you. She might compartmentalize, but she knew what she was doing.

 

So, how do you get over being traded down by your wife? It's not easy. But, by your wife showing that she truly loves you, taking full responsibility, and completely cutting out the other guy, it helps a lot. I think that by seeking counseling and conttinuing to talk, that you guys are heading in the right direction. Give it time. Allow yourself to hurt. Allow her to help you. Be there for her when she is hurting. What she did was bad, but we've seen much worse on here. Some other guy's wife just ran off with his brother... SMH.

 

Kudos to you for being strong. I wish you and your wife the best of luck.

 

Sorry for any typos. I'm typing on a phone.

[drifter777]

I can only speak from the BH perspective. Most men are unable to accept the reality of the situation on d-day. They go through the shock and anger and hurt and are left emotionally stunned. The horror of knowing that their wife has been sleeping with another man simply overwhelms them and they cannot function until they can compartmentalize this and push it into the back of their minds. The further they can push that compartment back the better they can begin the process of rationalizing the pain away. The deeper the love & trust the deeper the cut of her betrayal. It can simply be impossible to accept she could do this so it must be my fault. The OM must have tricked her. He's a predator. She was abused when she was young. And, oh, how we want to believe every word of her story. It happened only once ir twice; she doesn't remember. He had a small penis. The sex was bad. Never in our home.

 

When all (or most) of the TT finally drips out the BH is emotionally spent. Self-esteem crushed. Emasculated. But she doesn't want a divorce - she was just cake eating. She was only a tourist and her visit to fantasyland is over. Now what does he do? Staying with her promises to get his world turned right-side up and help his pain go away. He tries to reconcile. Reading books, heart-to-heart talks, IC, MC, and letting time pass. And now you have even more time and emotion invested into this marriage and it gets nothing but harder to leave her. You have your kids to think about and your finances and so you just capitulate.

 

I will regret not divorcing her for the rest of my life. I don't think a BH should ever try to reconcile.

[badkarma2013]

I can only speak from the BH perspective. Most men are unable to accept the reality of the situation on d-day. They go through the shock and anger and hurt and are left emotionally stunned. The horror of knowing that their wife has been sleeping with another man simply overwhelms them and they cannot function until they can compartmentalize this and push it into the back of their minds. The further they can push that compartment back the better they can begin the process of rationalizing the pain away. The deeper the love & trust the deeper the cut of her betrayal. It can simply be impossible to accept she could do this so it must be my fault. The OM must have tricked her. He's a predator. She was abused when she was young. And, oh, how we want to believe every word of her story. It happened only once ir twice; she doesn't remember. He had a small penis. The sex was bad. Never in our home.

 

When all (or most) of the TT finally drips out the BH is emotionally spent. Self-esteem crushed. Emasculated. But she doesn't want a divorce - she was just cake eating. She was only a tourist and her visit to fantasyland is over. Now what does he do? Staying with her promises to get his world turned right-side up and help his pain go away. He tries to reconcile. Reading books, heart-to-heart talks, IC, MC, and letting time pass. And now you have even more time and emotion invested into this marriage and it gets nothing but harder to leave her. You have your kids to think about and your finances and so you just capitulate.

 

I will regret not divorcing her for the rest of my life. I don't think a BH should ever try to reconcile.

 

*****************************************************************

I Agree...Most men i have spoken with since my EWs Affair....They KNEW in their hearts at the moment they said the wanted to Reconcile the could not do it...They Knew they would never get over the Lies,Deceit And the soul crushing Betrayal their Wife just handed them...they spend the next few years getting TT..( you will NEVER get the truth Never.....) for what...just to live with someone who destroyed everything you hold dear...NO

 

I burned everything to the ground...exposed the Affair to his BW..and had them fired from their jobs...he was destroyed in his divorce...did my pain end...hell no...but i WAS NOT staying in Limbo with a LIAR...and I have moved on...I overcame my anger and pain and know live on a beach far away and with someone who understands my hurts and emotions but accepts me for me...As they say the war is over for me...but I still remember...Badkarma2013

[cja]

I can only speak from the BH perspective. Most men are unable to accept the reality of the situation on d-day. They go through the shock and anger and hurt and are left emotionally stunned. The horror of knowing that their wife has been sleeping with another man simply overwhelms them and they cannot function until they can compartmentalize this and push it into the back of their minds. The further they can push that compartment back the better they can begin the process of rationalizing the pain away. The deeper the love & trust the deeper the cut of her betrayal. It can simply be impossible to accept she could do this so it must be my fault. The OM must have tricked her. He's a predator. She was abused when she was young. And, oh, how we want to believe every word of her story. It happened only once ir twice; she doesn't remember. He had a small penis. The sex was bad. Never in our home.

 

When all (or most) of the TT finally drips out the BH is emotionally spent. Self-esteem crushed. Emasculated. But she doesn't want a divorce - she was just cake eating. She was only a tourist and her visit to fantasyland is over. Now what does he do? Staying with her promises to get his world turned right-side up and help his pain go away. He tries to reconcile. Reading books, heart-to-heart talks, IC, MC, and letting time pass. And now you have even more time and emotion invested into this marriage and it gets nothing but harder to leave her. You have your kids to think about and your finances and so you just capitulate.

 

I will regret not divorcing her for the rest of my life. I don't think a BH should ever try to reconcile.

 

*****************************************************************

I Agree...Most men i have spoken with since my EWs Affair....They KNEW in their hearts at the moment they said the wanted to Reconcile the could not do it...They Knew they would never get over the Lies,Deceit And the soul crushing Betrayal their Wife just handed them...they spend the next few years getting TT..( you will NEVER get the truth Never.....) for what...just to live with someone who destroyed everything you hold dear...NO

 

I burned everything to the ground...exposed the Affair to his BW..and had them fired from their jobs...he was destroyed in his divorce...did my pain end...hell no...but i WAS NOT staying in Limbo with a LIAR...and I have moved on...I overcame my anger and pain and know live on a beach far away and with someone who understands my hurts and emotions but accepts me for me...As they say the war is over for me...but I still remember...Badkarma2013

 

I don't understand the continued bitter and contemptuous responses. I think you have proven you are not "most men" so ignore that s@it. I will say again to err is human, to forgive divine. And you have said many times and in many ways that you won't tolerate more betrayal, no rug-sweeping, so you have protected yourself, and I'm sure let your wife understand the picture. How many of us BS would want a Wayward to even a year and a half later still keep trying and not blame? Blame is so common, yet also so human. You both seem to rise above. That's rare on both sides.

 

Have you ever heard of Kintsugi? That's what I see in your story, from the information you yourself have related. It's the most beautiful and practical sort of art, one thing I liked about living in Asia. For context, from Wikipedia: Kintsugi (金継ぎ?) (Japanese: golden joinery) or Kintsukuroi (金繕い?) (Japanese: golden repair) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique.[1][2][3] As a philosophy it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.

Edited January 16, 2016 by cja

[badkarma2013]

 

I don't understand the continued bitter and contemptuous responses. I think you have proven you are not "most men" so ignore that s@it. I will say again to err is human, to forgive divine. And you have said many times and in many ways that you won't tolerate more betrayal, no rug-sweeping, so you have protected yourself, and I'm sure let your wife understand the picture. How many of us BS would want a Wayward to even a year and a half later still keep trying and not blame? Blame is so common, yet also so human. You both seem to rise above. That's rare on both sides.

 

Have you ever heard of Kintsugi? That's what I see in your story, from the information you yourself have related. It's the most beautiful and practical sort of art, one thing I liked about living in Asia. For context, from Wikipedia: Kintsugi (金継ぎ?) (Japanese: golden joinery) or Kintsukuroi (金繕い?) (Japanese: golden repair) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique.[1][2][3] As a philosophy it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.

 

 

 

1.This is just for you..."Never confuse Forgiveness with Reconciliation for they are NOT the same thing..personally I forgave her...but i would never stay with the lies and deceit that was handed to me...

 

2. Yes i am familiar with the process and thank you for the kind words.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I am certain the affair is over and there is NC that has been maintained for at least 18 months. In their case I think both never ever intended to leave their families it truly was some sick second life they could live on the side, seperate from their "real" lives. I think for both the moment it threatened their "real" life neither had much desire to try to find a way to keep it going. They could try and might get away with it for a very limited time but I have ways in place that I'm confident the wool will never be pulled over my eyes for long. It's obvious the tremendous difference in my wife and how she is towards me, our marriage and our family. I really failed to see how that all slid away because it happened so slowly over time you didn't notice like gaining weight a few pounds here or there until one day you catch a look in the mirror and wonder who you are. She has put tremendous new boundaries around herself and is doing all the right things.

 

As for trust well I feel secure in the short term but my wife is a broken person I think has been her whole life. Her insecurities and low self esteem manifested themselves in a very self destructive way. People rip you on this board for saying that because then you are "making excuses" for your spouse but the reality is many people self medicate their pains in very self destructive ways with alcohol, drugs, affairs and more and leave friends, families and spouses to pick up the shattered pieces. It's a story as old as time. I do wonder all the time if my wife is doing all she is doing now because the alternative is unacceptable (losing her family) or because she truly loves me and no longer wants anyone else having almost lost me. It's a fine line and you will never ever really know. I was SO certain of her viewing me the way I viewed her and of course both those things blewup forever 18 months ago.

 

Who knows I am rambling now but do I think she is still having an affair? Absolutely not. Do I think she is in a position now that puts a new affair as a possibility? Absolutely not. Do I see huge positive changes in her day to day behavior towards me and our family. For sure! Do I think she will ever have another affair after the huge blow up that happened and her reaction to it? I think it's unlikely but I'm not certain. Finally do I think she has genuinely come back home to feeling about me in the way I always felt about her, do I know she thinks only of me etc.? I have no idea these days, don't know if I'll ever know and that hurts.

 

People tend to project their own situations onto those who post. John and i have been in reconciliation for over 32 years....and we still get PMS from others here that say we should divorce.

 

You know your wife better than anyone else...and if she has done the things that you need to feel loved and comfortable...then that is all that matters. Ignore everyone else.

 

I think some are so consumed with bitterness that they can only see the negative.

 

I wish you the best...and i think you are much like my John. You are truly in love with your wife...you are committed to her....and she understands what she has done and is truly remorseful.

 

You have forgiven her and you both will heal each other.

 

The infidelity will always be there....but it does not define who you are. You can be happy again.....

 

I wish you the best of luck...I wish you the best of love....and i wish you a happy life.

[badkarma2013]

People tend to project their own situations onto those who post. John and i have been in reconciliation for over 32 years....and we still get PMS from others here that say we should divorce.

 

You know your wife better than anyone else...and if she has done the things that you need to feel loved and comfortable...then that is all that matters. Ignore everyone else.

 

I think some are so consumed with bitterness that they can only see the negative.

 

I wish you the best...and i think you are much like my John. You are truly in love with your wife...you are committed to her....and she understands what she has done and is truly remorseful.

 

You have forgiven her and you both will heal each other.

 

The infidelity will always be there....but it does not define who you are. You can be happy again.....

 

I wish you the best of luck...I wish you the best of love....and i wish you a happy life.

 

***************************************************************

 

Hey Mrs. Adams...im back from the dead...lol...Glad to see you are still giving good advice with your unerring Kindness...as you gave me years ago at a time i did not deserve it..say hello to John for me....Badkarma2013

[Mr Blunt]

By Mrs. John Adams

You know your wife better than anyone else...and if she has done the things that you need to feel loved and comfortable...then that is all that matters. Ignore everyone else.

 

I think some are so consumed with bitterness that they can only see the negative.

 

I wish you the best...and i think you are much like my John. You are truly in love with your wife...you are committed to her....and she understands what she has done and is truly remorseful.

 

You have forgiven her and you both will heal each other.

 

The infidelity will always be there....but it does not define who you are. You can be happy again.....

BAH

Your wife is truly remorseful and you have forgiven her. Those are two of the most important acts and attitudes in an R. You have decided on R so here is some advice that may help you.

 

 

If you are going to listen to anyone and take their advice, then seek out those that have a long history of successful R.

 

 

 

Mr. and Mrs. John Adams are the two that I am most familiar with and they have over 30 years of R. In addition, they seem to have a better relationship than married people I know that have never experienced infidelity.

 

 

I am sure there are others on this forum that have long term successful R but I am new here and only know Mr. and Mrs. Adams from another forum.

John Adams is a man like you that is a BH that was rejected and replaced by his wife with the OM. The bottom line is that John has done his part in becoming a great success and that is to be greatly admired! John can be a wealth of information for a man that has been betrayed and wants to R.

 

I wonder if any woman can fully realize the devastation that betrayal can do to a man. However, from reading Mrs. John Adams posts for many years, I can see how she knows and understands exactly what John needed and then she DID IT!

Edited January 17, 2016 by Mr Blunt