Nats Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Ok so here's the story. I was (and still am) in what's supposed to be a committed relationship. My husband took my virginity after we married at the age of 23, beside him i never had sex with anyone else before. After 3 years, Only my husband and I got into a vicious argument one night, and due to that I lost my willpower and cheated on him. That night of cheating is how I caught HIV. I was diagnosed positive on 11/14/07. I got the flu-like symptoms a week after cheating and was very ill. When I started to feel a little better (before I was diagnosed) by husband and I engaged in a mutual masturbation session but I did not ejaculate on him. I had an extremely high viral load when my husband and I had this little "session" as I was still feeling ill from the initial seroconversion. I also know that the presence of another STD increase the transmission chances of HIV. I am so guilt-ridden and worried about what I may have done. Cheating is bad enough, and something I take full responsibility for. I also received HIV for my efforts. My primary concern right now is him. He is an innocent bystander in all this, and it would absolutely destroy me to know that because I cheated, he is positive. What I did was wrong, and evil. I feel extremely ashamed and guilty. I just want my husband to be ok, even if I never see him again. Any thoughts about this appreciated. :( Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 You were diagnosed positive 8 years ago and you're now worried about your H contracting HIV? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. I am glad that you were sharing your story this might wake some people up about going and making a really bad decision instead of talking out their problems with their spouses girlfriends boyfriends whatever. This is a big wake up call for people go out commit adultery it's Russian roulette. I really never thought about that being a consequence in committing adultery. Well thank you for sharing I really am sorry for what happened to you I don't care what anybody does they don't deserve that really. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 OP, so we're clear, since you mentioned 'not ejaculating' on your husband, are you a homosexual male? Was/is your husband disclosed as to your HIV status? Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Wait.... Isn't not disclosing your status and then engaging in sexual intercourse illegal? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/just-diagnosed-with-hiv-aids/talking-about-your-status/do-you-have-to-tell/ Disclosure legality depends on jurisdiction and the OP could live anywhere in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 in the UK, you can be (IF your husband doesn't know about your status) charged with murder (attempted murder) - not really sure about the US... BUT your husband can sue you, even if the country doesn't have laws that include "criminal transimission of HIV" part. unfortunately - you will probably get away with it, laws are "wishy - washy" when it comes to HIV status privacy & penalties are really low. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I am a bit confused. OP, after 8 years, does your H still not know you have HIV? Are you still together? Still having sex? If the two are true, I am wondering if you're assuming that he was most likely to have gotten it ONLY during that one session you referred to above, because that is when you were most contagious (and not on your antiretrovirals). If you are still having sex, do you practice safe sex? Condoms? It doesn't really matter OP. You have to tell him. I know how very hard this must be. I know it feels impossible, but this is eating you alive and you owe it to him. Imagine if you were in his position. The fact is, if he is well and healthy, it is likely he does not have it (after 8 years). But that only means he does not have it YET. If you are continuing to engage in intercourse, you are still putting him at risk, and that is simply wrong to not inform him. He must be a part of that choice. I know you are scared and guilt-ridden, but the only way to repair that is to own the truth, no matter the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Ok so here's the story. I was (and still am) in what's supposed to be a committed relationship. My husband took my virginity after we married at the age of 23, beside him i never had sex with anyone else before. After 3 years, Only my husband and I got into a vicious argument one night, and due to that I lost my willpower and cheated on him. That night of cheating is how I caught HIV. I was diagnosed positive on 11/14/07. I got the flu-like symptoms a week after cheating and was very ill. When I started to feel a little better (before I was diagnosed) by husband and I engaged in a mutual masturbation session but I did not ejaculate on him. I had an extremely high viral load when my husband and I had this little "session" as I was still feeling ill from the initial seroconversion. I also know that the presence of another STD increase the transmission chances of HIV. I am so guilt-ridden and worried about what I may have done. Cheating is bad enough, and something I take full responsibility for. I also received HIV for my efforts. My primary concern right now is him. He is an innocent bystander in all this, and it would absolutely destroy me to know that because I cheated, he is positive. What I did was wrong, and evil. I feel extremely ashamed and guilty. I just want my husband to be ok, even if I never see him again. Any thoughts about this appreciated. :( OP, So in 8 years, you haven't told him about your diagnosis nor engaged in sexual acts with the exception of your little "session" described above? Have you told the person who you know gave you the virus? Most importantly, have you educated yourself about the disease and its transmission? If not, you need to tell him, inform the guy who gave you the virus, and learn about it ASAP. Statistically, heterosexual transmission of HIV is not common. It's actually hard to get the virus; according to recent study in Africa, 1 in 900 unprotected sexual acts transmits the disease (excluding anal sex). A person with a high concentration increases the odds to roughly 1 in 100 acts. With anal sex, there is much more bleeding so the risk is greatly increased. I'm so sorry to hear you are HIV positive. I hope you get the medication you need and can live normal life. Please do the right thing and disclose to anyone that needs to know regardless of the law in your part of the world. I hope your husband is negative. But you MUST tell him. Do the right thing, OneLov Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I wish these OPs would come back to their threads and answer questions so we can help them. How are we suppose to help when they start these threads but don't participate? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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