Things do get worse

[user_name]

Hello everyone, hope your are doing alright. As this is the coping section, that could be difficult. This is long but please read.

 

I had a break up over a year ago and things took a turn for the worst for me just a couple of days ago.

 

Had a boyfriend of almost two years and he unexpectedly broke up with me. I had the toughest time of my life and I became very depressed. He was my first boyfriend, making him my first everything. We went through a lot, most notably when he had to get rushed to the hospital and get emergency surgery. He had 3 major surgeries under one year and I stood by him. Anyway, we broke up and I was completely hearbroken. This is when I first wrote about it http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/497279-post-break-up-depression

 

So its been a while since that happened. I was trying to cope, keep moving with my life, continue school and try to be as happy as I could. I have not dated anyone since our break up.

So A few days ago my ex and I got into contact again, he was going through a breakdown and he really needed to talk. I talked to him on the phone and we had a really nice 6 hour long convo. He told me what was going on with school and the changes in his life. It was a nice conversation and I was okay with talking because I'm was trying to let go and want to be happy and not hold onto sadness anymore. But then the conversation took a dark turn, he started saying that he felt really guilty and it was consuming him, and that he did bad things and kept saying that he is a terrible person. Then he told me that even if we wanted to be friends in the future that we couldn't. And told me that he needed to stay away from me before he hurt me again and started crying.

At this point I started to get scared and worried, and couldn't help to think "Well what did you do?" I kept asking if there was anything else I should know but he kept insisting no.I started to get a bad feeling about this, so we ended our conversation and said our last good bye. I didn't know what exactly was going on but I was going to stay away.

Then It gets really bad.

 

I found a post he made on another website, which was under the remorse column. Written a couple of weeks ago. On there he confessed things he did whilst being with me. He talked about our relationship exactly as I knew it... except for the part that he cheated on me with seven women, four of those he slept with...

 

Some one please just...

 

I have reasons to keep living. I have my small family, I'm fairly healthy, I graduate very soon. But please just someone tell me what could I have done to deserve this. SEVEN women. Wow, I cant believe this. I just want to die right now. No, I'm not an angel, I made mistakes but I tried to be the best damn girlfriend as I could. I was that girl that would surprise him with picnic lunches, I showed my love in every way I could, kept him company, I stood by his side after all those surgeries, including the major depression he went through after the surgery and I was there the whole time loving him. I trusted him with my life and believed in him. I lost my virginity to him. He showed me he was a great guy and I never had a doubt about him.

 

But now I feel like I was with a monster. He is sick and disgusting and was disguising himself as a wonderful man with me. When I found out I got so sick I threw up, and as I'm writing this, I feel horrible. What am I supposed to do now. Before he hung up he said that he was glad he at least heard my voice one more time and told me his changes in his life. What am I to do now? Call him back and just explode on him and tell him how much I hate him? He might feel better about himself but now I know this. It doesn't matter if I block him if I erase everything, this is just going to stick with me forever. Why would he do this to me? He actually did explain why, and it just seems like he hasn't found himself yet. He is the most selfish and sickening person ever. And now I'm at square one. With no energy to keep living.

Edited December 4, 2015 by user_name

[Empyrea]

This is in no way your fault, you did nothing to deserve this!! But these kinds of things happen. You have to go through a couple rotten eggs, gain some experience and perspective before you find a keeper. Perhaps this new development will even end up helping you to move on? Maybe up until this point you couldn't fully accept breaking up with such a "wonderful man", but now that you know he wasn't loyal to you, you can begin to let go and move on. And you have every right to express your anger to him if you think it'll help. But think carefully what you want to convey and if it's worth it to drag this out further. Obviously he already feels guilty, but maybe he could use the closure as well, so you can both move on.

[lolablue17]

WOW!

 

Usually people learn from their mistakes, and know better how to judge people. But in your case I think it's a little bit different.

 

Ok, you had some lessons and you'll be more careful next time, but I think this is the case where It's not you IT'S HIM!! As your said "he is a monster". It's just bad luck that you met him. It's not your fault, and it's not because you can' judge people. It just was what it was.

 

You can thank god he broke up with you. You dodged a bullet. Yes, it hurts your ego, of course, and it's very frustrating, but the good is much bigger than the bad. Not all men are like that. I can assure you, you will find someone who will love you. A real man, not a scumbag piece of $hit!

[user_name]

I just don't know how to cope with this one. Its just like a new revelation and I feel so helpless. I feel like I lived a lie, like my relationship wasn't real. Its not fair that people like him get to do these things. He is not a good person as he told me, so why do something like that to someone who IS good? I just have to suck it up and move just like everyone else but damn...

 

What made me feel remotely better is that I went checked for HIV and I came out clean. But even then just the thought that he did that with so many women. I feel sick. I hate him so much and just ask how did he end up coming into my life as "good guy". How does anyone expect me to trust another man again?

 

It may not be my fault directly. I never did anything to him, other than love him. Literally. But I still think of reasons why its all my fault, somehow. I need hope and faith from somewhere. I need a reason to keep going.

Edited December 5, 2015 by user_name

[Buckeye7]

Men will do some disgusting things in terms of manipulation in order to get what they want out of a women. But if you are truly a lover and a giver....you will find someone who will appreciate what you have to offer. And frankly, you are woman. A good woman is in high demand. Go and put yourself out there and there will be many men willing to be there and be supportive of you. There are plenty of opportunities for a rebound at the minimum if not something more.

[user_name]

I'm really scared. I have this great fear and I'm not even sure of what. I think this has changed me a lot, and I'm scared Ill never love the same. I'm scared to do exactly that, Put myself out there and get hurt again. I'm scared of men and what they'll do to me. I don't know if this is just a stage, but I just don't feel the same way about relationships and I just rather stay alone.

[Glass Hut]

Wow I feel for you. But I don't think you'll be scarred in any way. You need to get this anger out of you. It's a waste of time for you. How, I don't know. Try some things. I have people I want to get back at, but it can consume you and don't let it.

 

Also, there's nothing wrong with being single. Lots of people are single. Don't start stressing about future relationships while you're dwelling on this past one. Do things you like to do and things that are self-beneficial and improve your mood. Meet new people naturally and eventually you'll be able to start at square one with new people with no baggage or stress.