surfergirl1 Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Im new here but have a question mainly for the men out there.....Why do men cheat?? I know there are numerous reasons but in my own situation, I have tried to figure it out and I have even asked MM why he was having an affair with me but he cant really explain. Im sure i will get beat up for this but I never thought I would have a relationship with a MM. I was married for 10 years and together for 5 before that to my soon to be ex and I never cheated on him but recently in my newly single life, I have been hit on by more married or attached men than I can count. The one I have been seeing tried and tried and I kept saying no over and over and then one day I let down my guard and I was lonely and enjoying the attention and I gave in....big mistake because I am now 5 months and one heart into it and not sure I see an end in site. In the beginning, I was telling myself that we were both just using each other for the sex because it is definitely amazing but then he started calling me nonstop and telling me he missed me all the time and that he thinks about me all the time etc etc. It is definitely mutual even though I would never ask or even want him to leave his wife....he has a very strange and mysterious life that I could not deal with as a fulltime partner so I just enjoy him while I can. The BIG BIG problem for me and yes I do know that I have brought this on myself is that now I am very scared to get involved with a single man in a NORMAL relationship for fear of him cheating on me! Seeing what my MM is doing to his wife has made me question not only myself for participating but for Marriage, Morals and relationships in general. I have questioned him on numerous occasions "why are you doing this" ...Ive told him that I just want to know for future relationships I may have and he said if he knew he would tell me. He says its not because his wife isnt having sex with him...they do and I know it and he doesnt deny it. He definitely has a very intense sex drive but he says they have sex at least every other day...so I know thats not it for him. I assume that he loves her because if he didnt he would leave her....right? I know that he was a "Bad Boy" before he was married but he was married once for 10 years...never cheated and then this marriage has been for 3 years and he "says" that I am the only person he has had an affair with but I have a hard time believing that after how hard he worked pursueing me and he didnt really even know me. He calls me regularly and we have a ton of discussions at length about things that have nothing to do with sex which makes me believe that it isnt all about sex.....so what is it about??? What makes a man have an affair??? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Why does anyone cheat? Because they choose to. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Is this a trick question? I guess I should date married women, so that the single ones don't break my heart anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surfergirl1 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Share Posted May 30, 2005 It wasnt supposed to be a trick question but now rereading it, I can see that I am probably not thinking very logical. Im just freaked out because I have very little dating experience.....I am scared I am going to end up dating people who are going to break my heart.....and yes, I realize that I have chosen to have an affair with a MM and that probably has to do with the fact that I am avoiding having a real relationship because Im afraid it wont work! My marriage screwed up my mental process....I lived for 10+ years with someone I didnt love and the one thing I dont want is to ever end up in a relationship where someone feels like I did....or worse where I feel like I did again. I know I just have to live and learn, no risk no reward but that is always much easier said than done....I fall fast and hard and Im scared to do it with the wrong person....so I guess I was just trying to figure out why men do it so that I can try to prevent it from happening! I know I sound crazy but I really am a very smart, sane woman....just a little gunshy I guess! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I know, one of those "Smart Women, Foolish Choices" scenarios (you may want to read the same-titled book). I can imagine the trauma you're living with, but you can't run away from things or you'll never get better. Ever talk to a counselor about why you're acting this way? I'm sure it would help you out a lot, so go for it. Aside from that, stay away from married men. They have their reasons for doing what they do, but that shouldn't be a concern of yours. Regardless of who's at fault, most of them are too chicken to leave their wives... much easier (and much cheaper) to have a mistress than a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surfergirl1 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Share Posted May 30, 2005 I have been to a counselor towards the end of my marriage, in fact more than one both with my ex and also by myself and although I am not going to say it didnt help, I will say that I KNOW why I do the things I do....I just seem to have a hard time changing them. I have taken so many psyc. classes in my life that I see myself living out alot of the theories etc. and most of the time I consider myself so in tune with myself and the way my mind works that I think I make it even harder on myself!!! I know I need to end the relationship with MM....just chicken.....will miss the sex! Its funny how I have not told a single person close to me about this relationship with MM and have had noone to talk to about it but now that I have actually discussed it (well in typewritten form anyways) I can actually see how stupid it is! I like the guy sure, but I know I wouldnt want to be with him even if he was single....plus I can see that he has got the best deal going right now....sex with a woman who could care less about him leaving his wife, who is attractive and hasnt been dating anyone else because of him!! I must be an idiot!! What have I been thinking!! Link to post Share on other sites
Syncerity Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 people cheat for many different reasons...they may not like what is happening in the relationship at tha time (ie debt, kids, family probs,etc)..partner may not be doing what they did to get their mate to get them to stay,they may not be doing certain things, lack sponteniaty ambition,etc, might not like changes in their spose be it attitude, weight, hair, facial anything..but yes people cheat for many reasons cant say just one...they always say, what u are not willing to do, someone else will and thats true... that could be a big reason as to why men cheat..wife not going down or doggy or giving them good/ enough sex, they go out and find a woman that will.. it sucks, but it happens Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by surfergirl1 I like the guy sure, but I know I wouldnt want to be with him even if he was single....plus I can see that he has got the best deal going right now....sex with a woman who could care less about him leaving his wife, who is attractive and hasnt been dating anyone else because of him!! I must be an idiot!! What have I been thinking!! He's got it made, that's for sure. Probably thanking his lucky stars right now, before he calls you tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 they cheat because there are women stupid enough to sleep with married men. if you didn't let him, he wouldn't be cheating with you. he might be cheating with someone else, more than likely, but then it wouldn't be your problem, would it? Link to post Share on other sites
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