Rekindling a long distance relationship once the distance is over?

[shuhting]

I got into a relationship at the end of the summer (both our first ever serious relationship) but I had to move back to college for my final year just as we made it official, which made it tricky as we weren't in a stable relationship before it went long distance, we were still in that 'honeymoon' phase

 

A few weeks ago, she confessed to me how she can't deal with the distance, it doesn't feel real, and the whole thing seems pointless because i'm not there when i need her etc etc. A few nights ago, she calls me to tell me she doesn't think we should see each other anymore, basically she's given up thinking this can work and it's all too much for her.

 

I'm 100% sure there is no other guy involved in this because I know I trust her, she's a very cautious girl, always honest to me

 

What would be the best thing to say/do? We agreed to meet up and clear the air when I get back for Christmas. We still have feelings for each other

 

Should I suggest to her we try again in the summer when we're both living close to each other? Or will that be too pushy? because as of now we are officially not together. Has anyone else experienced a similar situation and rekindled a relationship once the distance has ended?

 

I don't think the 'no contact rule' is really of any use in this situation, so I don't want to just play games and act like I'm ignoring her

[d0nnivain]

See her when you are home. Do not make any promises about exclusivity & make it very clear that you are both free to date others. Stay in very limited contact.

 

 

When you come back after college, assuming you don't get a job somewhere else ask if she'd like to try again now that there is no distance.

[shuhting]

Ok thanks. So best not to mention stuff about the future when I meet up with her? I don't want to have anymore arguments with her and bring up stuff that's annoyed me, instead I hope we can end things on good terms so she'll want to stay in touch and doesn't resent me, for now I think we can only be friends

 

We did briefly chat about exclusivity on the phone and i kind of worded it in a stupid insensitive way and she said 'you're free to do what you want'

 

It's going to be hard after waiting all this time to be back home and close to her, for us to not see each other. I'm tempted to suggest that we meet up again once we see each other but I'm not sure

[ExpatInItaly]

Who suggested meeting up over Chirstmas, and for what reason exactly? What does "clear the air" mean, specifically?

 

I ask because I'm not sure what needs to be said in person that hasn't already been discussed. But if you do meet, no, I would not push any future talk. I would simply say that you are open to trying again when you're both in the same area. See how she responds. But be aware that she may go on to date others in the meantime, so don't put your life on hold, per se.

[shuhting]

It was a mutual decision, just felt it was best to have a proper talk face to face

 

Okay, i'll suggest we remain in limited contact as friends but open to dating others, and say i'm willing to try again in the future depending on how things pan out and see how she reacts

 

Part of me wants to really give it one last chance at trying to convince her this could work and we could try and spend lots of time over the break together, but this could push her further away if i do this?

[shuhting]

Ok... so after coming back for a few weeks, things didn't go as expected

 

We agreed to be friends for now, but we met up several times and she ended up staying over a few times. We were very intimate just like normal and we're back on good terms, but now I'm confused

 

Feels like we're back together but we're not. Previously i'd gone distant and unresponsive since we had that talk on the phone, but everything seemed to go back to normal once we finally met up and we've been speaking pretty regularly.

 

Don't really know what to make of this or what to do next, and how it's gonna pan out the next 4-5 months while i'm away again

[ExpatInItaly]

Ok... so after coming back for a few weeks, things didn't go as expected

 

We agreed to be friends for now, but we met up several times and she ended up staying over a few times. We were very intimate just like normal and we're back on good terms, but now I'm confused

 

Feels like we're back together but we're not. Previously i'd gone distant and unresponsive since we had that talk on the phone, but everything seemed to go back to normal once we finally met up and we've been speaking pretty regularly.

 

Don't really know what to make of this or what to do next, and how it's gonna pan out the next 4-5 months while i'm away again

 

Just don't have too many expectations right now. Understand that you are both free to see other people. I say this because I've been in that limbo area before in which we weren't officially a couple anymore but we were behaving like it. And it hurt like heck when I found out he had been seeing other women. Sure, we had agreed we were only friends but it didn't change how I felt when it backfired. So my advice is proceed cautiously and don't get invested during this period apart.

[justwhoiam]

Ask her if being FWB was what she had in mind. That will stir up a reaction, and probably not a good one. But it's better than being in a limbo.

[AlexDominico]

shes using you and doesnt see you as long term boyfriend. move on. now. before she dumps you first.

[coolheadal]

You already got the answer from her! Move on don't wast any more time with her she's can't handle this sort of relationship.