Being a social chameleon

[SerCay]

Ever heard of it?

 

This describes me.

I get along with everyone, honestly everyone.

My friends are of alll sorts and totally different people.

 

The things is, I feel that my behaviour is kind of "liquid."

Don't really know how to explain it. I get along with everyone because I can adjust to their manners. Not that my opinions or the things I say change, no, but what does change is my behaviour.

 

There are people who are themselves all the time. I do not really have a "myself." My myself is being different according to the person or people I'm with.

 

Only my high level of energy, optimism and character doesn't change. The rest does.

 

This also means, that I get along with every kind of guy.

But here's the thing; I want to find out what kind of guy would be right for me.

And me being a social chameleon, I do not know how to figure this out.

I literally feel good with any kind of person. But I've seen in the past that I can fall out of love after a while when someone bores me.

 

So, how does a social chameleon, find out what kind of person is suitable for her? Anyone has any experiences with this?

[bluefeather]

I do not really have a "myself." My myself is being different according to the person or people I'm with.

 

No sense of self so you copy others. Sounds like a personality disorder.

[SerCay]

I'm listening...elaborate?

[bluefeather]

I'm listening...elaborate?

 

I'm no psychiatrist, I just speak from experience in dealing with others, as well as understanding myself. Sorry, that's the best I can do with what I've read about you, which is not much. I could even be wrong. Maybe you are just young and still learning about yourself.

[SerCay]

Job: I'm a consultant for international companies, they consult me when hiring new staff.

 

Hobbies: reading, movies, tv shows, going for dinner/drinks with friends

[SerCay]

Yes I am! This might be just it. So you say that I should find something I'm passionate about?

 

That's hard, I actually enjoy many many things, but real passion, I don't know..

How to find it?

[Downtown]

I do not really have a "myself." My myself is being different according to the person or people I'm with.

Sercay, I agree with BlueFeather that you are describing some of the symptoms (i.e., warning signs) for a personality disorder (PD) -- specifically, Borderline PD. In contrast, people exhibiting strong traits of narcissism or sociopathy may get along with a wide variety of people, but they accomplish that by manipulating the people they are with.

 

BPDers, however, don't do emulate others as a way to manipulate people but, rather, they do it out of necessity -- because they have such a weak and fragile sense of self that they must emulate other peoples' personalities as a way to fit in and be accepted and loved. My BPDer exW, for example, had such a weak sense of self that she would mirror other people -- with the result that she moved effortlessly from one group of people to another. And complete strangers would feel like they had known her for a long time after talking to her for only a half hour.

 

BPDers typically are raised by a mother who is invalidating, i.e., who is telling the child that her feelings are not valid. Such mothers tend to be cold and emotionally unavailable -- or they spoil the child, sending the message that "mother will do this for you because you aren't capable of doing it right yourself." Significantly, in other threads, you describe your Mother as being cold and invalidating -- and spoiling you.

 

I caution that BPD is a "spectrum" disorder, which means every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether you exhibit BPD traits. Of course you do. We all do.

 

Rather, at issue is whether you exhibit those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., are on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met you, I cannot answer that question. But you may be able to spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list.

 

They are not difficult to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as very controlling behavior, usually feeling like "The Victim," fear of abandonment, hating to be alone, and rapid event-triggered mood flips. I therefore suggest you take a look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your own issues. Only a professional can do that. Yet, like learning warning signs for breast cancer and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you decide whether your problems are sufficiently serious to warrant seeking professional help. Take care, SerCay.

[truthtripper]

Ever heard of it?

 

This describes me.

I get along with everyone, honestly everyone.

My friends are of alll sorts and totally different people.

 

The things is, I feel that my behaviour is kind of "liquid."

Don't really know how to explain it. I get along with everyone because I can adjust to their manners. Not that my opinions or the things I say change, no, but what does change is my behaviour.

 

There are people who are themselves all the time. I do not really have a "myself." My myself is being different according to the person or people I'm with.

 

Only my high level of energy, optimism and character doesn't change. The rest does.

 

This also means, that I get along with every kind of guy.

But here's the thing; I want to find out what kind of guy would be right for me.

And me being a social chameleon, I do not know how to figure this out.

I literally feel good with any kind of person. But I've seen in the past that I can fall out of love after a while when someone bores me.

 

So, how does a social chameleon, find out what kind of person is suitable for her? Anyone has any experiences with this?

I can relate to this. I can be both an introvert and an extrovert and anywhere in between depending on who I'm with. I have suffered extensive childhood abuse and have seen at least 20 different therapists throughout my life. Not one of them diagnosed me with a personality disorder, but rather with anxiety/depression stemming from post traumatic stress.

 

From my life experiences and from what I've learnt in social studies, humans are multi-faceted. Naturally, different people are going to bring out different characteristics in your personality. Count yourself lucky that you have a congenial/diplomatic nature. It's usually the people who are anti-social and cause problems for others who have the personality disorders.

 

Re-relationships, it's not uncommon to get bored. It's only natural to fall in and out of love until you find your soulmate-if you ever do. I believe in relationships most people end up settling for second-best because they've reached a point where they have expended all their energy in searching.

[MrDuck]

I'm no physiatrist but I certainly don't see any kind of personality disorder! You know what I see? A people pleaser. You be what whoever you're with wants you to be to the point you forget who you are in you bones!

 

 

There's nothing wrong with that, in my opinion, in certain situations its a bonus to be able to get along with anyone and avoid confrontation. As long as there are some things in your life that you do stand for, you just need to know what the things you wont compromise on are.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I was the same way up until about 2005.

 

It wasn't until I was deep in therapy and at a cross roads in my marriage where I started to realize this about myself. After that, I was bound and determined to change that about myself because I realized how destructive it was to my life. And I have.

 

I'm still very easy going and get along with most people but I am VERY sure about myself, who I am, what I like and don't like and am unwilling to compromise on some things that are very important to me.

 

I spent years getting lost in the shadows of other people but no more. There is a trade off in that some people won't like the new you but then again the cream always rises.