Friends vs. Lovers?

[Marshbear]

Do you think the old analogy that says "lover come and go but your friends and for life" is true? That being said I am having such a hard time getting over the loss of a good friendship. I never had such a hard time forgetting a old lover but the loss of this friendship has been very hard for me. Do you think we miss our friends more than our exes? If you have had similar experiences how did you cope with it?

 

Comments welcome.

 

Peace...

[westernxer]

I've gone through this, too.

 

Without getting into any details, let me just say that I loved him like a brother, and what he did was tantamount to spitting in my face in public.

 

I actually had to go out and buy some Tums to quell the pain in my stomach.

 

I can handle it if/when a girl dumps me... may take a little time to recover, but that's normal.

 

When your buddy screws you over, he may as well stick a dagger in your kidneys, because you'll be spitting blood for weeks on end. The long term effects are devastating -- much harder than any breakup I've gone through.

 

"All for one and one for all" is certainly an ideal to aspire to, if not a myth.

 

I take solace in knowing that the person who knows me best lives on the other side of the mirror.

[Marshbear]

Originally posted by westernxer

I've gone through this, too.

 

Without getting into any details, let me just say that I loved him like a brother, and what he did was tantamount to spitting in my face in public.

 

I actually had to go out and buy some Tums to quell the pain in my stomach.

 

I can handle it if/when a girl dumps me... may take a little time to recover, but that's normal.

 

When your buddy screws you over, he may as well stick a dagger in your kidneys, because you'll be spitting blood for weeks on end. The long term effects are devastating -- much harder than any breakup I've gone through.

 

"All for one and one for all" is certainly an ideal to aspire to, if not a myth.

 

I take solace in knowing that the person who knows me best lives on the other side of the mirror.

 

I know what you mean westernxer. I guess you feel betrayed by your friend because you shared so much and the pain of that betrayal is hard to heal. It seems so much easier to find another lover but a close friend is hard to replace. When years of time have gone into the friendship it is a difficult task to forgive. But to forgive is what we must do in order to move on.

[westernxer]

I don't really think about forgiveness... it's a victory when I've managed to forget about it.

 

For the most part I have, but it still eats at me, slightly.

[sarah12]

I guess it's different for everyone. I have a habit of keeping people at a safe distance, and so only very few people are in my inner circle of friends, and this can change over the years with people taking off for school or work. With that said, I can't imagine any of my close friends betraying me in a such a way that we couldn't work out our differences. Of course I have had fights/arguments with friends but it never ended badly.

 

So for me, the phrase sticks in my mind as "lovers come and go but friends are around forever."

 

Also, I think that girls like to use this a lot (especially when we were younger) when helping friends through breakups and whatnot to help ease the pain and reinforce that your friends will be there no matter what.

[westernxer]

If you ever want to see what betrayal feels like, check out the scene from "Godfather II," when Michael Corleone discovers that his brother Fredo sold him out to the enemy. Such a powerful scene.

 

It really hits home.

 

Especially when you're willing to shed blood for your brother.

 

Must be a guy thing.

[chronic]

I've been screwed over many times in my life by people I've trusted. It sucks. I've learnt to see friendships in whole new light. I hardly let anyone in my inner circle and now if anyone even slightly disrespects me, I eject them out of my life. It sounds harsh but now all my friends treat me the way i like to be treated. However, in my case I would say a lover hurts more since i usually lay more on the line.

[Marshbear]

Originally posted by chronic

I've been screwed over many times in my life by people I've trusted. It sucks. I've learnt to see friendships in whole new light. I hardly let anyone in my inner circle and now if anyone even slightly disrespects me, I eject them out of my life. It sounds harsh but now all my friends treat me the way i like to be treated. However, in my case I would say a lover hurts more since i usually lay more on the line.

 

 

A lover might hurt more in the short term but a friends betrayl will hurt for much longer. You can find another lover but a good friend with whom you've shared so much is an ache that never seems to die. It might fade over time but even now when I see them I still remember what they did and it still HURTS.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Marshbear

A lover might hurt more in the short term but a friends betrayl will hurt for much longer. You can find another lover but a good friend with whom you've shared so much is an ache that never seems to die. It might fade over time but even now when I see them I still remember what they did and it still HURTS.

 

Anything a girl has ever done to me, or tried to do to me, is pretty much forgotten... forgotten in the sense that I hold no ill feelings toward any of them. Water under the bridge. Next.

 

As for friends... it's VERY personal, especially if they were members of that inner circle. Mine was very small, and now it's down to just one person.

[lindya]

It sounds as if men reserve for their buddies what women reserve for their lovers.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by lindya

It sounds as if men reserve for their buddies what women reserve for their lovers.

 

Now you know.

[lindya]

Tonight I shall pray for recently dumped gay men everywhere. Blokeish buddy-losing pain combined with lost love agony

[westernxer]

Gay men are probably the worst.

[sarah12]

Originally posted by lindya

It sounds as if men reserve for their buddies what women reserve for their lovers.

Because few women friends out there are trustworthy anyhow, and men and women cannot be friends, so that just leaves the lovers and yes, the gay men.

[Marshbear]

Originally posted by sarah12

Because few women friends out there are trustworthy anyhow, and men and women cannot be friends, so that just leaves the lovers and yes, the gay men.

 

Yes. men and women cannot be friends. Gay men make good friends to women so I suggest women who want guy friends get themselves a gay man.

As far as lovers go, you just don't let yourself go there unless you are really, hopelessly in love with them. Friends will be around far longer than a lover. You build on that relationship and nurture it and when that trust is violated you feel like a limb as been severed from your body. It takes re-learning to work without the limb and you miss it. I guess you can get a artificial limb to lessen the loss but it is not the same.

Peace...

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Marshbear

Yes. men and women cannot be friends. Gay men make good friends to women so I suggest women who want guy friends get themselves a gay man.

As far as lovers go, you just don't let yourself go there unless you are really, hopelessly in love with them. Friends will be around far longer than a lover. You build on that relationship and nurture it and when that trust is violated you feel like a limb as been severed from your body. It takes re-learning to work without the limb and you miss it. I guess you can get a artificial limb to lessen the loss but it is not the same.

Peace...

 

Bingo! (to you and Sarah)

[lindya]

Originally posted by sarah12

Because few women friends out there are trustworthy anyhow, and men and women cannot be friends, so that just leaves the lovers and yes, the gay men.

 

I've heard that a lot. I can't relate to it, because I do have platonic male friends who genuinely are just friends - and I don't know what I'd do without my female friends. I certainly wouldn't do them the disservice of saying I don't trust them.

 

I think it's only when someone's demanded every ounce of your trust and insisted on seeing you at your most vulnerable, in the way that lovers do, that they can truly betray you. Maybe female friends just don't make those sorts of demands on eachother.

[Marshbear]

Originally posted by lindya

I've heard that a lot. I can't relate to it, because I do have platonic male friends who genuinely are just friends -

 

Ha!!! They might tell you that but it is my experience that very few platonic friendships exist between males and females. If both parties are single it is almost a certainty that one of you likes the other. If you are happily married, possibly. if one of you is married and the other single, maybe. Or if you have male friends and you or they have issues that you see in each other that you would not want to date (personality, moral issues, etc.).