cant get out

[jimmybronx]

so lets start by appologising that i have been out for couple of day as you know i am trying to make a lot of changes and i believe im quite successful (i think so at least)

 

 

so lets start with this one

 

i have managed to have zero contact with AP - until this morning when i received a text from unknown number (it was her) i ignored it and deleted text was a request for a short talk (ignored as said)

 

second im trying to keep my self busy with everything including my phone reading, watching, writing and everything so i keep my self busy busy - i kind of feel better

 

my wife and son doing great having fun and enjoying everything.

 

on the other hand i read the comments on this thread and one thing that keeps going on my mind is that this forum is filled with people with negative energy, at least that the perception i get i could be wrong though

 

specially the ideas behind good people cheat bad people cheat

 

i would say people cheat and it happened and will happen everyday who are we to say they are good or bad, cheating is not a new era thing it has been part of humans since the beginning, yes we as human beings like to explore different things and this is one of those again not saying its good or bad but it happens.

 

the energy that was pushed on my thread was not the one i was expecting i have stated that earlier

 

the difference between me and many others here is ability to control things and situation, and i guess there is a number of people in this forum who suffer a lot from the actions taken or actions taken by others and they got heart and now they want everyone to feel the same and join this haters group.

 

i have said multiple times that it happened, we saw it was wrong we stopped it. we all agree that stopping before its to late its better and it shows the ability of self control and of course damage control as very important issue.

 

than the issue i had was friendship or not it was made very clear that NO WAY friendship gonna work, i didnt let myself into the game of thinking im different she is different we can show others we can be friends NO, actions taken no communication no nothing and good to go

 

the most important question was what to do to get her out of my head as i was thinking just to much about her though i cleared with myself that she was a past and no further contacts will be made.

 

as i dont have the ability to have the books recommended by you laying over my table it su*** but i hope in the future to find a way and read them.

 

and last two points

 

still no way im going to confess to my wife specially that things are working perfect now (though they were always great)

 

and yet not planning to go to a therapy, mainly because keeping myself busy and doing things i like are helping me, achieving great results at work helps even more. at least for now.

 

and i will submit this one by saying that each and everyone here has a little secret

 

i hope you guys try to find and bring some positive vibe here, specially the ones who are here longer than others as i believe new comers really need fresh, positive energy here not the opposite

[katielee]

I guess it's a matter of perspective. I consider confessing to be a step in a positive direction. I consider keeping secrets and tricking someone into staying married to you a negative thing. But, YMMV.

 

your comment about each and every one of us having a secret - well, I see that as your justification for your awful choice and continued lack of transparency.

Edited December 14, 2015 by katielee
added a paragraph

[turnera]

Those telling you to tell the truth have a REASON for it. It will improve your life, even if it doesn't seem like it. You have a cloud hanging over YOUR head and taking the high road will remove it, whatever the outcome. Choosing not to tell is keeping you from having a real relationship. Every time you look at your wife, you're thinking about what you did to her subconsciously.

 

Anyway, good job on not responding to the OW.

[afoolto no end]

I think all here with new comers are just trying to stop you from making the same mistakes some of us made.......

When some time has passed in these situations and what weighs on one's mind is the untruths and the deception and who we were........everyone makes choices they aren't proud of, if you can deal with all of that and just live with that lie that is your choice.

I am sure you aren't the only one.....I hope your wife never finds out....I hope your affair person doesn't go crazy and tells her.......

You seem to be putting some positive things in place for yourself to ever get drawn back in and to protect your wife and son..........

As far as you thinking we are all angry that isn't true, we are triggered yes because we have heard all the same bs ourselves.......all waywards start out like you have, you all speak from the same script....you all defend your only human angle........

Life is about choices in who we are and what in the end we are proud of.....

You seem to be okay with your choices and understand continuing will only hurt everyone involved........

Family is the most important thing in life they are what you will be thinking of in the end, not your affair or your work, just them.........hold that boy of yours and your wife and thank God you came to your senses...........there is a good man in there if you just let him shine........

[ladydesigner]

so lets start by appologising that i have been out for couple of day as you know i am trying to make a lot of changes and i believe im quite successful (i think so at least)

 

 

so lets start with this one

 

i have managed to have zero contact with AP - until this morning when i received a text from unknown number (it was her) i ignored it and deleted text was a request for a short talk (ignored as said)

 

second im trying to keep my self busy with everything including my phone reading, watching, writing and everything so i keep my self busy busy - i kind of feel better

 

my wife and son doing great having fun and enjoying everything.

 

on the other hand i read the comments on this thread and one thing that keeps going on my mind is that this forum is filled with people with negative energy, at least that the perception i get i could be wrong though

 

specially the ideas behind good people cheat bad people cheat

 

i would say people cheat and it happened and will happen everyday who are we to say they are good or bad, cheating is not a new era thing it has been part of humans since the beginning, yes we as human beings like to explore different things and this is one of those again not saying its good or bad but it happens.

 

the energy that was pushed on my thread was not the one i was expecting i have stated that earlier

 

the difference between me and many others here is ability to control things and situation, and i guess there is a number of people in this forum who suffer a lot from the actions taken or actions taken by others and they got heart and now they want everyone to feel the same and join this haters group.

 

i have said multiple times that it happened, we saw it was wrong we stopped it. we all agree that stopping before its to late its better and it shows the ability of self control and of course damage control as very important issue.

 

than the issue i had was friendship or not it was made very clear that NO WAY friendship gonna work, i didnt let myself into the game of thinking im different she is different we can show others we can be friends NO, actions taken no communication no nothing and good to go

 

the most important question was what to do to get her out of my head as i was thinking just to much about her though i cleared with myself that she was a past and no further contacts will be made.

 

as i dont have the ability to have the books recommended by you laying over my table it su*** but i hope in the future to find a way and read them.

 

and last two points

 

still no way im going to confess to my wife specially that things are working perfect now (though they were always great)

 

and yet not planning to go to a therapy, mainly because keeping myself busy and doing things i like are helping me, achieving great results at work helps even more. at least for now.

 

and i will submit this one by saying that each and everyone here has a little secret

 

i hope you guys try to find and bring some positive vibe here, specially the ones who are here longer than others as i believe new comers really need fresh, positive energy here not the opposite

 

First of all great work with keeping up the NC!

 

I felt sad reading what you said about all the negative energy . You know a lot of us were brutally lied to and put through the ringer. Many of us, including myself, are trying to pull themselves out of this place. No one likes to feel this way or we wouldn't be on a support forum.

[Mr. Lucky]

the difference between me and many others here is ability to control things and situation

 

That's what every WS says while the genie is still in the bottle.

 

i have said multiple times that it happened, we saw it was wrong we stopped it. we all agree that stopping before its to late its better and it shows the ability of self control and of course damage control as very important issue.

 

than the issue i had was friendship or not it was made very clear that NO WAY friendship gonna work, i didnt let myself into the game of thinking im different she is different we can show others we can be friends NO, actions taken no communication no nothing and good to go

 

So if you're both on the same page and in complete agreement and "good to go", why this:

 

until this morning when i received a text from unknown number (it was her)

 

Why is she still trying to get in touch with you ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Zenstudent]

so lets start by appologising that i have been out for couple of day as you know i am trying to make a lot of changes and i believe im quite successful (i think so at least)

 

 

so lets start with this one

 

i have managed to have zero contact with AP - until this morning when i received a text from unknown number (it was her) i ignored it and deleted text was a request for a short talk (ignored as said)

 

second im trying to keep my self busy with everything including my phone reading, watching, writing and everything so i keep my self busy busy - i kind of feel better

 

my wife and son doing great having fun and enjoying everything.

 

on the other hand i read the comments on this thread and one thing that keeps going on my mind is that this forum is filled with people with negative energy, at least that the perception i get i could be wrong though

 

specially the ideas behind good people cheat bad people cheat

 

i would say people cheat and it happened and will happen everyday who are we to say they are good or bad, cheating is not a new era thing it has been part of humans since the beginning, yes we as human beings like to explore different things and this is one of those again not saying its good or bad but it happens.

 

the energy that was pushed on my thread was not the one i was expecting i have stated that earlier

 

the difference between me and many others here is ability to control things and situation, and i guess there is a number of people in this forum who suffer a lot from the actions taken or actions taken by others and they got heart and now they want everyone to feel the same and join this haters group.

 

i have said multiple times that it happened, we saw it was wrong we stopped it. we all agree that stopping before its to late its better and it shows the ability of self control and of course damage control as very important issue.

 

than the issue i had was friendship or not it was made very clear that NO WAY friendship gonna work, i didnt let myself into the game of thinking im different she is different we can show others we can be friends NO, actions taken no communication no nothing and good to go

 

the most important question was what to do to get her out of my head as i was thinking just to much about her though i cleared with myself that she was a past and no further contacts will be made.

 

as i dont have the ability to have the books recommended by you laying over my table it su*** but i hope in the future to find a way and read them.

 

and last two points

 

still no way im going to confess to my wife specially that things are working perfect now (though they were always great)

 

and yet not planning to go to a therapy, mainly because keeping myself busy and doing things i like are helping me, achieving great results at work helps even more. at least for now.

 

and i will submit this one by saying that each and everyone here has a little secret

 

i hope you guys try to find and bring some positive vibe here, specially the ones who are here longer than others as i believe new comers really need fresh, positive energy here not the opposite

Wow, you are really downplaying this. If it's such a little secret that doesn't mean much, why are you so adamant about keeping your tiny little secret?

 

Do you normally show empathy in other areas of life?

 

What does being in control mean to you? Do you see yourself as manipulative?

[DAO]

so lets start by appologising that i have been out for couple of day as you know i am trying to make a lot of changes and i believe im quite successful (i think so at least)

 

 

so lets start with this one

 

i have managed to have zero contact with AP - until this morning when i received a text from unknown number (it was her) i ignored it and deleted text was a request for a short talk (ignored as said)

 

second im trying to keep my self busy with everything including my phone reading, watching, writing and everything so i keep my self busy busy - i kind of feel better

 

my wife and son doing great having fun and enjoying everything.

 

on the other hand i read the comments on this thread and one thing that keeps going on my mind is that this forum is filled with people with negative energy, at least that the perception i get i could be wrong though

 

specially the ideas behind good people cheat bad people cheat

 

i would say people cheat and it happened and will happen everyday who are we to say they are good or bad, cheating is not a new era thing it has been part of humans since the beginning, yes we as human beings like to explore different things and this is one of those again not saying its good or bad but it happens.

 

the energy that was pushed on my thread was not the one i was expecting i have stated that earlier

 

the difference between me and many others here is ability to control things and situation, and i guess there is a number of people in this forum who suffer a lot from the actions taken or actions taken by others and they got heart and now they want everyone to feel the same and join this haters group.

 

i have said multiple times that it happened, we saw it was wrong we stopped it. we all agree that stopping before its to late its better and it shows the ability of self control and of course damage control as very important issue.

 

than the issue i had was friendship or not it was made very clear that NO WAY friendship gonna work, i didnt let myself into the game of thinking im different she is different we can show others we can be friends NO, actions taken no communication no nothing and good to go

 

the most important question was what to do to get her out of my head as i was thinking just to much about her though i cleared with myself that she was a past and no further contacts will be made.

 

as i dont have the ability to have the books recommended by you laying over my table it su*** but i hope in the future to find a way and read them.

 

and last two points

 

still no way im going to confess to my wife specially that things are working perfect now (though they were always great)

 

and yet not planning to go to a therapy, mainly because keeping myself busy and doing things i like are helping me, achieving great results at work helps even more. at least for now.

 

and i will submit this one by saying that each and everyone here has a little secret

 

i hope you guys try to find and bring some positive vibe here, specially the ones who are here longer than others as i believe new comers really need fresh, positive energy here not the opposite

 

 

Unbelievable,but I must admit,I admire you

So, in the name of humanity,you decide to keep your wife and son in the dark,and deny them right of their own choice.It certainly is difference between you and majority of us(referring to to those who chose to behave humanly)

My Friend ,it does not make us human,because we belong same spices.In order to be human,one must behave humanly.To imply,that humans do not know,what is good or bad,just to justify ones behaviour is absolutely wrong.

As humans,we are given the opportunity to explore and develop every aspect of our lives,but not at expense of any other human being,living thing.nature etc.

Also,there are no negative people on this forum,just some victims of humanity

Edited December 15, 2015 by DAO

[fellini]

Sorry, Im not a victim of humanity, I am a victim of a wayward spouse who conducted herself badly during a period of her life and this had repercussions on me.

 

It is possible to choose a humane route not to tell. I do not expect any of those who feel full throttle confession is the only way to understand that, so just let it be said that there are others who believe NOT plunging his spouse into PTSD can be considered an act of humanity regardless of whether the secondary or primary reason is self preservation.

 

I do not expect a guy who has half his mind still wrapped around an AP to be in a position to always do the right thing. If he does the right thing for the wrong reason then I could live with that.

 

You need to get yourself into a stronger position OP, and the first order of business is to work on what you came here for: rid yourself emotionally of the AP. You have the rest of your life to decide if and when you think you should confess. You clearly are not going to now, and for that reason alone, probably should not. If you are not ready to confess, then you are probably not ready to do what it takes to repair yourself AND work with the trauma your spouse is going to suffer at the same.

 

That you have come to the conclusion to end the Affair is a huge step. Most WS's get caught before they end it. Some get themselves caught in order to end it. But making the decision to end it, and then doing what it takes to follow through with that is actually much harder to do when it is still a secret, than when it is not. So the fact is you are taking control of your decisions and you are moving forward. Stay with the process. If in the future something comes out and she finds out, you have this to offer: I realized my marriage is my plan A and did something about it. Naturally the full throttle group will twist these words around and somehow make them into something they are not. But know this: As a BH I wish my wife had ENDED her affair rather than throwing it into my face for me to take the ball and do something about it. It is no picnic being in immense trauma and at the same time constantly thinking you were plan B until she got caught. There is always a question mark about commitment. Returning to the marriage, returning to putting your spouse in the number one spot, and finding your way back is something. I hope you are up to the task.

 

What I have learned from my experience, and is reflected on these boards, is that no BS will ever, 100% with certainty know the true thoughts and intentions of a wayward. Probably even some waywards are incapable of reducing their A into a singular explanation for themselves. Some can (there, i didn't say none could) but many cannot. You know what you have done. Now fix yourself.

Edited December 15, 2015 by fellini

[cocorico]

so lets start by appologising that i have been out for couple of day as you know i am trying to make a lot of changes and i believe im quite successful (i think so at least)

 

 

so lets start with this one

 

i have managed to have zero contact with AP - until this morning when i received a text from unknown number (it was her) i ignored it and deleted text was a request for a short talk (ignored as said)

 

second im trying to keep my self busy with everything including my phone reading, watching, writing and everything so i keep my self busy busy - i kind of feel better

 

my wife and son doing great having fun and enjoying everything.

 

on the other hand i read the comments on this thread and one thing that keeps going on my mind is that this forum is filled with people with negative energy, at least that the perception i get i could be wrong though

 

specially the ideas behind good people cheat bad people cheat

 

i would say people cheat and it happened and will happen everyday who are we to say they are good or bad, cheating is not a new era thing it has been part of humans since the beginning, yes we as human beings like to explore different things and this is one of those again not saying its good or bad but it happens.

 

the energy that was pushed on my thread was not the one i was expecting i have stated that earlier

 

the difference between me and many others here is ability to control things and situation, and i guess there is a number of people in this forum who suffer a lot from the actions taken or actions taken by others and they got heart and now they want everyone to feel the same and join this haters group.

 

i have said multiple times that it happened, we saw it was wrong we stopped it. we all agree that stopping before its to late its better and it shows the ability of self control and of course damage control as very important issue.

 

than the issue i had was friendship or not it was made very clear that NO WAY friendship gonna work, i didnt let myself into the game of thinking im different she is different we can show others we can be friends NO, actions taken no communication no nothing and good to go

 

the most important question was what to do to get her out of my head as i was thinking just to much about her though i cleared with myself that she was a past and no further contacts will be made.

 

as i dont have the ability to have the books recommended by you laying over my table it su*** but i hope in the future to find a way and read them.

 

and last two points

 

still no way im going to confess to my wife specially that things are working perfect now (though they were always great)

 

and yet not planning to go to a therapy, mainly because keeping myself busy and doing things i like are helping me, achieving great results at work helps even more. at least for now.

 

and i will submit this one by saying that each and everyone here has a little secret

 

i hope you guys try to find and bring some positive vibe here, specially the ones who are here longer than others as i believe new comers really need fresh, positive energy here not the opposite

 

Get a kindle, or load the kindle app on your PC and read the recommendations as ebooks. There is only so far that "keeping busy" will take you. You need to understand what led you to become vulnerable, otherwise you may find yourself in that situation again.

 

Meantime, keep on making those great memories with your family. As those crowd out the memories of great times with your fOW, the A will recede further into your past and won't impinge on your present so much.

[William]

Hi folks, as a reminder while I clean this thread up a bit. There are plenty of threads on the general topic of cheating and it's moral, and ethical implications.

 

this thread is intended to relate to the story of one unique individual and we need to get back to that and leave the standard debate of good/evil, right/wrong for another thread. Referring back to those general topics will be considered off topic. ~Thank you

[Ladyjane14]

Hi folks, as a reminder while I clean this thread up a bit. There are plenty of threads on the general topic of cheating and it's moral, and ethical implications.

 

this thread is intended to relate to the story of one unique individual and we need to get back to that and leave the standard debate of good/evil, right/wrong for another thread. Referring back to those general topics will be considered off topic. ~Thank you

 

I'm not saying that I don't believe extramarital affairs are wrong and that cheaters are "not nice people" while cheating. But speaking for myself, when I asked the OP to look at the former OW through that lens, it's intended as a tool to help break through the obsessive thoughts.

 

For shame-avoidant people, it's difficult not to rationalize one's thought pattern and the behavior associated with it. I just want to go on the record and say it's not about being a scold. It's about trying to put a tool in this guy's hands that he can use to solve the problem he posted about.

[katielee]

OP - the thing about not doing any reading or trying to fix this by distracting yourself is that you then just become a dry drunk. I realize you're trying to get over the OW. But SHE is not the issue, WHY YOU REACHED FOR AFFAIR is the issue. And unless you get to the bottom of that - through therapy or reading - then you haven't fixed whatever it was that caused you to go there. You wouldn't be living life to your full potential.

[Methodical]

OP,

 

If I understand your point of view correctly, you are saying that you had an affair and have chosen to end it. You have no inclination to air your dirty laundry publicly, except thru the use of an anonymous forum. You reached out here bc you understand your actions weren't honorable and thought you might find helpful advice and suggestions.

 

You have taken a vow of NC and that's a step in the right direction. Maintaining NC after having been prompted via text message shows strength and determination to keep your word and act with honorable intentions moving forward.

 

You can not erase the past. What is done is done. After making the choice to keep your family unit intact, you are avoiding stumbling blocks by keeping busy and refusing to backslide by re-engaging contact with your AP.

 

That's obviously not the road many ppl suggest, but at the end of the day, this is your life, your past mistake, and you have to move forward in a manner that best suits you, be that with full disclosure or not. Telling your spouse or children will not erase your actions. Most ppl are in the camp that the BS is entitled to know so that they have the option to remain or leave based on all the facts, which is understandable.

 

There are many reasons a person would want to sweep the past under the rug and move forward with nobody else none the wiser. Most reasons are for self-preservation, but not all. For all I know you want to spare your family from public mockery where ppl point fingers and mumble behind your families backs, etc. Only you can know what your true motives are.

 

The only thing I will say is that even if you decide to come clean and fess up every lurid detail, there will always be doubt and that's often insurmountable. I won't stand in judgement of your decisions. You have to carry the weight of your actions around, not me.

 

But, I do want to say good job on maintaining no contact. That is the first step of many that you will face moving forward.

[jimmybronx]

Wow, you are really downplaying this. If it's such a little secret that doesn't mean much, why are you so adamant about keeping your tiny little secret?

 

Do you normally show empathy in other areas of life?

 

What does being in control mean to you? Do you see yourself as manipulative?

 

well i didnt say its small or big secret its a secret which i believe 2 people can live knowing what they did, will it come out i dont know personally i think it shouldn't come out ever.

 

being in control, unfortunately i have the ability to control quite a lot of things, yes im powerful i have extensive power over many things and i have had these since i was born so being powerful and being able to control information flow is nothing new to me.

 

personally i dont see myself manipulative but i can change the discussion and control situations and send it towards my points, and yes im used to gain what i want (i usually do get it) never used force, money or my position to gain it just to make it clear.

 

but again yes i will have to live with this secret for time being.

[jimmybronx]

Unbelievable,but I must admit,I admire you

So, in the name of humanity,you decide to keep your wife and son in the dark,and deny them right of their own choice.It certainly is difference between you and majority of us(referring to to those who chose to behave humanly)

My Friend ,it does not make us human,because we belong same spices.In order to be human,one must behave humanly.To imply,that humans do not know,what is good or bad,just to justify ones behaviour is absolutely wrong.

As humans,we are given the opportunity to explore and develop every aspect of our lives,but not at expense of any other human being,living thing.nature etc.

Also,there are no negative people on this forum,just some victims of humanity

 

yes i decide what to share and not, what to tell and not, what to admit and not

and i guess this has nothing to do with humanity

 

if you tell me now now that you tell your family and friends EVERYTHING that happenes on your life then i would be the one paying for your poly test and show other users here the opposite

 

" we should be thankful that we are not able to read whats on other peoples mind because world would be very different "

 

everyone today controls information me, you, our family, tv, radio, government, nasa, companies, everyone shares the information they feel is the right one to share at this current time.

 

when it happens then its called situation control and again you choose to share and adopt to the situation by trying to minimize the consequences manage the damage.

[katielee]

yes i decide what to share and not, what to tell and not, what to admit and not

and i guess this has nothing to do with humanity

 

if you tell me now now that you tell your family and friends EVERYTHING that happenes on your life then i would be the one paying for your poly test and show other users here the opposite

 

 

from your last two posts, OP, it appears you have quite an ego (all your power and you decide what to share). Could that be why you refuse IC? Just wondering...

 

I don't tell my husband everything. I just ate a hard boiled egg - probably won't mention it. But I'm going to tell him very important things, like when I break a vow.

[jimmybronx]

OP - the thing about not doing any reading or trying to fix this by distracting yourself is that you then just become a dry drunk. I realize you're trying to get over the OW. But SHE is not the issue, WHY YOU REACHED FOR AFFAIR is the issue. And unless you get to the bottom of that - through therapy or reading - then you haven't fixed whatever it was that caused you to go there. You wouldn't be living life to your full potential.

 

 

katielee i still believe i have had huge changes

- ending it

- more family time

- no contact

 

why it started i dont know, probably no proper answer, reason, or rephrasing every comment i make in regard to why it started it will just make the situation worse.

 

unfortinately i cant agree that the only ways of fixing this is the 3 step procedure

1. confess

2. therapy

3. read

 

if you dont change internally none of these helps and this is what im trying to tell to everyone that i have changed internally and i can make it happen.

 

i will just make a comparison with many drug addicts we heard of went on rehabs or therapies and than one day they were back to the point zero or even worse OD (why i take this as a comparison is bcs in earlier posts someone said that she is like a drug to me and im an addict) im trying to prove that i am not an addict and i can do it this way.

[Ladyjane14]

Grandiosity.

 

Try How Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women by Terrence Real. Buy it in cash and keep it at your workplace.

 

You'll get enough relationship/introspection advice to put you on the right track, and if your wife busts you with it, you can claim you just wanted to find a way to feel closer to her.

[Methodical]

being in control, unfortunately i have the ability to control quite a lot of things, yes im powerful i have extensive power over many things and i have had these since i was born so being powerful and being able to control information flow is nothing new to me.

 

personally i dont see myself manipulative but i can change the discussion and control situations and send it towards my points, and yes im used to gain what i want (i usually do get it) never used force, money or my position to gain it just to make it clear.

 

but again yes i will have to live with this secret for time being.

 

yes i decide what to share and not, what to tell and not, what to admit and not

and i guess this has nothing to do with humanity

 

if you tell me now now that you tell your family and friends EVERYTHING that happenes on your life then i would be the one paying for your poly test and show other users here the opposite

 

" we should be thankful that we are not able to read whats on other peoples mind because world would be very different "

 

everyone today controls information me, you, our family, tv, radio, government, nasa, companies, everyone shares the information they feel is the right one to share at this current time.

 

when it happens then its called situation control and again you choose to share and adopt to the situation by trying to minimize the consequences manage the damage.

 

Hm...I originally thought you were remorseful and wanted to try to right a wrongful action, but these posts flaunt power and superiority and the ability to control/manipulate situations.

 

I hope you want a better life for your family.

[turnera]

yes im powerful i have extensive power over many things and i have had these since i was born so being powerful and being able to control information flow is nothing new to me.

 

personally i dont see myself manipulative but i can change the discussion and control situations and send it towards my points, and yes im used to gain what i want (i usually do get it)

Wow, aren't you the important person? Controlling things from the crib, eh?

 

Suggestion: to add to all that wonderfulness, maybe put some effort into correct spelling and grammar.

 

Geesh.

[gettingstronger]

well i didnt say its small or big secret its a secret which i believe 2 people can live knowing what they did, will it come out i dont know personally i think it shouldn't come out ever.

 

being in control, unfortunately i have the ability to control quite a lot of things, yes im powerful i have extensive power over many things and i have had these since i was born so being powerful and being able to control information flow is nothing new to me.

 

personally i dont see myself manipulative but i can change the discussion and control situations and send it towards my points, and yes im used to gain what i want (i usually do get it) never used force, money or my position to gain it just to make it clear.

 

but again yes i will have to live with this secret for time being.

 

 

 

Bravado in many cases masks low self esteem, couple that with defensiveness and conflict avoidance = lots of things you can work on to be a healthier you- you asked how to get out/get over your AP- I still believe the key is with you- you know you are not fooling anyone and its really bothering you- take a deep breath and step back-you can improve you and when you do- the other pieces will fall in to place- best of luck-

[jimmybronx]

as it seems this is not going the way i thought

 

i am being misinterpreted or im not able to describe the situation

 

so i would not be posting anymore!

[Ladyjane14]

Hm...I originally thought you were remorseful and wanted to try to right a wrongful action, but these posts flaunt power and superiority and the ability to control/manipulate situations.

 

I hope you want a better life for your family.

 

I think he does. He's just not sure how to get it, otherwise he wouldn't be here.

[gettingstronger]

as it seems this is not going the way i thought

 

i am being misinterpreted or im not able to describe the situation

 

so i would not be posting anymore!

 

Exactly proving my point-and I agree- spending energy trying to convince strangers is probably not the most productive use of your time- spending time really pondering how you got in this situation and why it bothers you so much that you are not want you want to be (all powerful, etc....) instead of being content with who you are (damaged like everyone else in the world) and using that knowledge not to beat yourself up but as a starting point to be what you want to be-to be content with you is really important-I hope you find you-