claudia Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I really would like someone to help me understand whats going on with this " relationship" that I have found myself in. A little history about my special friend and I :- we meet in 1994 and to be quite honest I did not like him much but he grew on me, we briefly dated in 1999 I broke it off because i was too young to understand what i wanted in a relationship . He did not take too well and did not speak to me for three years. So life went on I had dated other people and he did as well. While we were together we did not have sex just fooled around a bit . While I was apart from him I missed him and missed his friendship with me but I was too afraid to contact him because of what i did in the past to him . Then one day i meet him while i was in the mall and we spoke . It was pretty friendly and we also did exchange email address and numbers ( his had changed) . From that day in 2001 we have not been apart . We hang out together ,talked about everything that happened to us, I apologize to him about my past behaviour and he was like that is in the past and he forgave me , we were adults now. During our reunion i dated other people i had a long distance relationship and travelled a bit all the while he was there as a friend for me . When my last relationship ended he was there for me and thats when my feelings came back . Well fastforward to present my feelings for him have grown from wanting his friendship back to wanting a relationship with him but his feelings for me have also changed ( he does not want a relationship) . We still are pretty tight with one another and that confuses our family and friends because they think we are together but we are not . To make matters worse we started to sleep with one another . He constantly tells me he does not want a relationship with me but yet he does not want to let me go . We are both single and not seeing anyone . Sometimes i feel he is holding me back and that i'm holding him back as well from getting someone else . Every thing i want he gaves ,anywhere i want to go he takes me . He is around me every free time he has and sometimes ( well most times he is at my house ) . I know i should stop sleeping with him and let him go but mentally it is much easier to do that ,I keep saying that he does not want me and i should just walk away but its so hard to do that . He does stuff that confuses me like this valentine he brought me gifts took me out and we are suppose to be just friends . I dont know maybe i'm just analysing too much about him . I try to go out with my other friends but when i do he calls and wants to know where i am and who i'm with . I also tried talking him about how i feel but he really seemed uneasy talking those mushy stuff. I know i deserve more but i feel if i demand it i'll push him away and i dont want to lose him again ,but i dont know what to do. I dont want to spend the rest of my life waiting for his feelings to change . He even said that maybe we are addicted to one another . I dunno maybe he too is confused but i'm getting frustrated here about where i stand . Some one please help me Link to post Share on other sites
DesertDweller Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Hi. Man, he is confusing! I don't get it, either. Could he be right about your relationship being an addiction? I know there are some books on love vs. addiction. (I'm reading one now!) Why don't you post your question again with the title, Love or Addicition? There are a lot of women out there who have experience with this and would be likely to respond. In the meantime, stop sleeping with him. It sounds like it's hurting your self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author claudia Posted May 30, 2005 Author Share Posted May 30, 2005 thanks for replying he is indeed confusing me . I'm currently pulling away from him and the sleeping together but i tried that once and it failed ,but this time I have to try harder. We talked about what will happen if either of us got someone else what will we do and how will it affect our friendship and he said that i don't have to worry about that because he is not looking for anyone and if i get someone else he will step aside but it will be hard for him to do so. Maybe all he need is some time to figure out what he needs but in the meantime i wont stand around and wait for it . I'm gonna focus on other things like taking up a hobby or getting some books and losing myself in them or even start going out with friends again . Only time will tell what happens Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Good to know that someone else is in the same shoes. I'm like the guy in your 'relationship' but the roles were reversed before. And the only conclusion I've been able to come to on the situation is that you need to stop seeing him altogether. You'll never get over him otherwise. It seems that he must have some feelings for you, or else he wouldn't be around so much. I suspect that when you ended things with him before, it bruised him a bit and so he's not sure if he wants to go down that route again. A guy's ego is important, keep that in mind. In the meantime, work on having a life outside of him so you can get over the 'addiction.' Link to post Share on other sites
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