Did I mess up any chance of reunion?

[Fernando2826]

My ex and I were together for 6 incredibly intense months, to the point of her talking about wanting to spend her life with me. However, after starting university, she got caught up in the excitement of it all and ended up in bed with another guy, albeit saying nothing happened. I was heartbroken but still wanted her back, so resolved to go out with dignity and not quash any remaining attraction.

 

I didn't contact her over the next few months, although she made a few attempts to make small talk with me and check on how I was doing whenever anything reminded her of me. Eventually, I decided that, whilst I wanted her back in my life, seeing her on FB etc. on a daily basis was too tough, so I removed her. It also seemed as though she had moved on with the guy previously mentioned.

 

She contacted me shortly after, saying how upsetting this had been for her, that she missed me "a little" and that she was feeling "lost". I was so excited to hear from her wanted to incite a little jealousy to test her reaction, maybe make her think i was a prize to be had, so I implied that I was seeing another girl. She responded with "I hope she makes you as happy as you made me". I responded with "We made each other unbeliebaly happy but I think it's best if we don't't talk for a bit." Again, I believed that she was just saying this because he was going away to Europe and that she didn't really care for me anymore.

 

A few days later, she phoned me, and explained all that had happened. She did, however, say that she felt she had made the right decision to not continue the relationship long distance, although perhaps this was because of the things I had said a few days earlier. She also told me it felt as though she had been thrown on the rubbish heap. I told her that I acted in the way that I did because it was too hard seeing her move on, so surely that suggested I still cared?!

 

Almost 5 months after this, she randomly contacted me, after hearing of a road traffic accident I had been involved in, and asked to meet up. We went for a walk and chatted, reminisced etc.

 

Again, I didn't hear from her for a good few months. Then, during Summer, she asked to meet up again. She apologised for all that had happened, said that she had felt tremendously guilty, had continued to love me for a long time afterwards and that she hadn't felt the same way for anyone since. We had sex that evening and then messaged for a few days afterwards. Over the rest of Summer break, she would message me on occasion and we would have prolonged conversations, with her doing most of the prompting. She did, however, say that she had been seeing someone else and didn't want to get back into a relationship with me.

 

I find myself wondering whether, had I simply asked to meet up with her following her first messages, we might have had a second shot at things? I can't help but wonder if it was my response and apparent lack of interest that made her say "I think I made the right decision", considering the distance and my desire to focus on my course" - the original stated reasons for the breakup apparently.

 

I also wonder why she wanted to meet me in Summer, and why the meet-up led to sex if she was interested in someone else?

 

Would love any advice.

[privategal]

Steer clear and next time she is single...make a firm move. Until then she sounds wishy washy and her relationship probably won't last.

If after all this time she still writes she hasn't totally let go but live your life and date others. You likely haven't moved on cause you never tried. She may never surface again but I don't think AT ALL your actions influenced that. Just think she contacts you for ego strokes to see if your still on the hook when shes not getting attention. She cheated so I wouldn't hold my breath much has changed in her character so let her get all this out of her system and you let go and see where the cards fall later in life.

Whats meant to be will be.

[Fernando2826]

Steer clear and next time she is single...make a firm move. Until then she sounds wishy washy and her relationship probably won't last.

If after all this time she still writes she hasn't totally let go but live your life and date others. You likely haven't moved on cause you never tried. She may never surface again but I don't think AT ALL your actions influenced that. Just think she contacts you for ego strokes to see if your still on the hook when shes not getting attention. She cheated so I wouldn't hold my breath much has changed in her character so let her get all this out of her system and you let go and see where the cards fall later in life.

Whats meant to be will be.

 

 

Thanks for your reply

 

So you don't think my response to her 'reconnecting' message prevented us from getting back together?

[Oregon_Dude]

She's trouble. Stay away. She messes with your head whenever she's bored.

 

You should not WANT to get back with her. Respect yourself more. Do you want a loyal and trustworthy GF? Yes?

 

She ISN'T it.

[Fernando2826]

She's trouble. Stay away. She messes with your head whenever she's bored.

 

You should not WANT to get back with her. Respect yourself more. Do you want a loyal and trustworthy GF? Yes?

 

She ISN'T it.

 

 

Thanks for your reply. I do, although I can't help but feel her cheating was heavily based upon circumstance and her own recklessness, rather than a lack of desire to be loyal. Having said that, these are not great traits. She also cheated on her ex after a two year relationship, saying "I didn't feel guilty, because I wasn't in love with him anymore" - he still loved her and he was her first love.

 

I can't help but wonder whether her cheating is a reflection upon me - common delusion amonst cheatees, I know. I wonder whether she'll be better for the next guy now she's in a stable environment. I am also sure that she didn't consider ending up in his bed as cheating as nothing more happened, although kissing must have. What concerns me is how Fking cold she was towards me, in full knowledge of my major depression, the 4 hour drive I made to see her and that just a few weeks earlier she called me her soulmate.

Edited December 7, 2015 by Fernando2826