Ivan2012 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I'm curious about NC. I started dating a girl 4 months ago an things were great. There was a lot of chemistry we moved pretty fast making plans for a future together like kids and such, I moved into her town in the same neighborhood and across the street from her hospital job mainly because she was living with her mom an was saving up, I have a high income so I got the house for me but with the intentions of her moving in and she did right after I purchased the home. And things were good but during the third month I was going through a rough time regarding my daughter from another relationship. I shut her out emotionally and said some some mean remarks concerning us having children, that she said broke her heart and that she is afraid of staying an me becoming a mean person which isn't me but right after the two days I was pushing her away she started pushing herself away. I left to another state We talked for two weeks after the breakup while I was gone on the work trip, in that time I was acting pretty needy. When I came home we hung out and spent three nights of the five I was home an things were distant but emotionally but nor physically. She expressed to me shortly after the breakup that she wasn't sure what she wanted she has a lot going on in her life an wants to be friends and just talk about dating for now. She still has some her personal belongings an her 2 year old sons things in my house in till she gets her own in a few weeks. Last Monday I started no contact but I have on Friday an asked how things were going without bringing up anything from the past. she replied a few times and when she didn't I've left her alone sense then. She comments on a few of my 5th posts about good memories Also She went on a date 5 days after the breakup, a friend that was there had said she didn't seem comfortable around the guy at all, and when I asked a few days after that date she confirmed what my friend said. She said the connection we had when her and I met was immediate like we knew Each other for years An she agreed that such chemistry was rarely found. My question is that if I continue the NC what are the chances of her missing me and wanting me back, normally things are more clear in my experience but she just days she doesn't know what she wants right now and wants to focus on her. Will the NC push her further away? Should I initiate contact after a certain amount of time or should I wait for her to do so. During this time I'm working on me and bettering myself all around but I still wonder about it a lot. In 4 weeks I go to another state for 3 months of work, is it hopeless? Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 The chances are good. Give so much time and space. Dont write at ALL. At all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ivan2012 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 She was broken up from her sons father for a little over a month when we met, they had a 4 year long relationship, he has a gf that he started dating imediatly after their relationship. Am I just the rebound in all this? She says she still loves him but will never be with him again because of abusiveness. I didn't think about any of this in till a friend pointed it out that it could be I was just temporary? Link to post Share on other sites
NVO Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 If you are doing NC to make her miss you, you are not NC. You are communicating "I'm ignoring you to make you miss me," which is not how you should treat somebody you like. Link to post Share on other sites
notinept Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 I think the key is that rare immediate connection and chemistry you had (and still have I assume), it takes a lot to lose that, time isn't usually a factor. Bad experiences are enough to cloud those emotions though. For ex. I've had that same connection/chemistry thing with only 3 women in my life and even though 9 years have passed since breaking up with one of them, I called her recently and it was obvious it was still there like it always had been. It hadn't diminished one tiny bit. The good thing about our (short) memories is that we usually forget the bad and remember only the good (think of a funeral; nobody remembers what a jerk the deceased was, but all remember his good qualities). So stop all contact, none, zippo, zilch until you come back, then drop her a quick note, invite her out for coffee (or whatever you two liked to do for casual conversation) and start over, no reminding her of the past ! Link to post Share on other sites
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