boyfriend said hurtful things when he was angry

[Elsa204]

I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 yrs now. this year felt like we'd become extremely close. Normally he's not very good at showing his feelings. Lately he's been very affectionate.

 

A few days ago I received a crazy text from a random number. The text said something like '' u better stop seeing my man" immediately I thought it was his ex. In the past she's made fake numbers and texted me from apps on her phone. So I texted him upset. Immediately after my phone broke!! I had no means of conmunication. My roommate let me borrow Her tablet the next morning. I was only able to log into my Snapchat and see that he'd messaged me and asked "what are talking about why are you upset'' . Also there were messages of him asking me to come over to talk. My roommate is a flight attendant so she was rushing out of the door to her flight. I have not had any cell phone for the past few days.

 

Finally on my day off I went to his place. He let me in but was very grumpy. When I walked in he was yelling on the phone with that same ex. Ironically about texting his dance partners with fake numbers. So after he hung up with her. I was trying to talk and explain to him. Why he hasn't been able to reach me and also why I said I was angry. He was very rude and snappy. I tried to ignore it because he's known to retaliate if he feels hurt by you. So I asked him if we could talk and he said " no I'm pissed off right now". I told him I was only trying to explain why I was upset. He said "OK why?". I told him about the text and he said " just like I thought, I didn't do anything" in a rude tone so I asked him why was he mad he only told me that his ex was trying to get in good with all his dance partners. He then started accusing me of being involved in some way because I know his partners as well. I told him that drama is irrelevant to me and that I only came to address our drama. He started saying very mean things. It was almost as if he just wanted me to not bother him because he was frustrated. We started arguing and I stated that I don't need to be around for this drama. He said "nope". I said something along the lines about him having a gf and he rudely said yup and I said so u have a gf and he said yup and made up some weird name. I finally just told him that I was leaving because he was being hurtful.

 

When I got home my roommate was there so I took her tablet and emailed him telling me that it was hurtful how he spoke to me and that I'd give him space because he took his frustrations out on me. I then started putting little quotes on my Snapchat. He was viewing my snaps ALL night. Literally as I was uploading things. Which was weird since he kinda broke up with me lol.

 

I was and am still very upset. My mom said it sounds like he would've said anything hurtful to get me away from him. She also said that basically I told him I was upset with him and then didnt respond to his text or anything for a few days since my phone is broken. Still why would u say such hurtful things and make up a gf?? And why was he stalking my Snapchat that night. It was all so weird. Like I said I sent him a message letting him know it wasn't cool. But now I feel lost and hurt because of this.

[PegNosePete]

How long ago was this?

Has he apologised yet?

[d0nnivain]

You started a fight then went silent on him. Once you realized you had no phone that very day you should have gone to his house or at least a local library / internet café or even your parents house to have some means of communicating with him. Yet, you let him stew for days thinking you were giving him the silent treatment or playing games.

 

 

I don't see anything he did or said as being all that terrible. I think you owe him an apology.

[Elsa204]

How long ago was this?

Has he apologised yet?

 

This was last night

[Elsa204]

You started a fight then went silent on him. Once you realized you had no phone that very day you should have gone to his house or at least a local library / internet café or even your parents house to have some means of communicating with him. Yet, you let him stew for days thinking you were giving him the silent treatment or playing games.

 

 

I don't see anything he did or said as being all that terrible. I think you owe him an apology.

 

 

The girl friend thing bothered me the most

[smackie9]

Your problem is, you have no empathy to his circumstance with his ex. YOU KNEW it was his ex causing crap, and yet you proceeded to be upset with him about something he has no control over. You caused the drama. Then by showing up when he was in the middle of it with his partners, you dismiss his crisis to get on him about yours. You have no measure of understanding of the kind of stress he was under. It's no wonder he lost it.

 

You do own him an apology for jumping to conclusions, not properly assess the situation, AND for not making the effort to get to a phone.

 

I agree his words were unnecessary BUT it would never have happened if you had just shut up for a few seconds to find out what was going on and offer support to his dilemma.

[Elsa204]

Your problem is, you have no empathy to his circumstance with his ex. YOU KNEW it was his ex causing crap, and yet you proceeded to be upset with him about something he has no control over. You caused the drama. Then by showing up when he was in the middle of it with his partners, you dismiss his crisis to get on him about yours. You have no measure of understanding of the kind of stress he was under. It's no wonder he lost it.

 

You do own him an apology for jumping to conclusions, not properly assess the situation, AND for not making the effort to get to a phone.

 

I agree his words were unnecessary BUT it would never have happened if you had just shut up for a few seconds to find out what was going on and offer support to his dilemma.

 

 

Yeah I agree now that u put it that way it seems like he wanted me to leave him alone and would've said anything

[Wewon]

I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 yrs now. this year felt like we'd become extremely close. Normally he's not very good at showing his feelings. Lately he's been very affectionate.

 

A few days ago I received a crazy text from a random number. The text said something like '' u better stop seeing my man" immediately I thought it was his ex. In the past she's made fake numbers and texted me from apps on her phone. So I texted him upset. Immediately after my phone broke!! I had no means of conmunication. My roommate let me borrow Her tablet the next morning. I was only able to log into my Snapchat and see that he'd messaged me and asked "what are talking about why are you upset'' . Also there were messages of him asking me to come over to talk. My roommate is a flight attendant so she was rushing out of the door to her flight. I have not had any cell phone for the past few days.

 

 

There was this funny episode of 'King of Queens' where the husband, trying to be attentive, calls his wife from his delivery van just before a big presentation for work. In the middle of wishing her good luck she hears him crash his van and the phone goes dead. Needless to say that she didn't do well in the presentation because she was so worried.

 

The point is, you started a call that was highly emotional and the phone died. You left him in a start of angst and then wanted to pick up where you left off. when you saw him.

 

You should address all of these things, but don't downplay your part in this or worse, overplay his part via his ex.

 

Hopefully this whole thing can be settled down.

[Elsa204]

I send him a text letting him know I'm sorry. He hasn't read it yet.

[Elsa204]

He read the message and didn't respond

[d0nnivain]

Give him a little time.

 

You got upset about something he couldn't control & then let him stew. He's mad about your lack of communication.

 

Be a little patient & understanding. Also stop trying to communicate real feelings through text.

[Space Ritual]

He may not respond, so be prepared for it.

 

Things like this have a nasty way of backfiring, as it looks like it did in your case. I'm not saying it is a sure thing, but be prepared for him to dump you.

[Elsa204]

Give him a little time.

 

You got upset about something he couldn't control & then let him stew. He's mad about your lack of communication.

 

Be a little patient & understanding. Also stop trying to communicate real feelings through text.

 

Well its not like I can just go to his home to talk

[d0nnivain]

Well its not like I can just go to his home to talk

 

 

Why not? How about calling him on the phone to at least communicate through voice? Inflection carries a great deal of meaning.

[Elsa204]

Why not? How about calling him on the phone to at least communicate through voice? Inflection carries a great deal of meaning.

 

Yeah I'm supposed to be picking up my phone from ups in an hr

[Mauve]

I'm confused, in a previous post you made last month you said you've been seeing this guy for 7 months. Now your saying you've been with a guy over 3 years?

 

Regardless in my opinion your at fault. He seemed stressed and I can't imagine how he felt when you suddenly started an argument with him then didn't respond. Just apologize and wait for his response, good luck!