Should I [24/F] stop talking to him [23/M]?

[whenwillthisbeover]

So here's the thing. For more than 2 years I've [24/F] almost daily been fb chatting with this guy [23/M] I met during my exchange overseas 4 years ago. He liked me when I was over there while I saw him as just a good friend at the time (or possibly was too scared/dumb to acknowledge I liked him, I don't know), but since those chats I've developed feelings for him. A lot of them. He still likes me as well, but clearly doesn't wanna make any serious moves as long as we're so far apart and so there's nothing "exclusive" about us. There's been (and still is) talk about visiting each other, but it's taking a while for it to manifest since we both don't have a lot of money and are insecure about how things will feel when we see each other again.

 

So... this chatting habit has become sort of destructive in the sense that I compulsively check my messages, I spend way too much time chatting with this guy and I feel bad whenever I think he doesn't sound very interested, isn't responding quickly because he doesn't care, etc. So, basically I feel like right now my happiness depends waaay too much on the input I get from him. I would love to be able to keep in contact without being so needy, but I don't know if that's possible? I don't even know if we could ever work as a couple or whether I'm just lonely... Do you think it would help to Skype to already get a little more realistic idea of how the conversation flows face to face (this terrifies me haha)? Should I tell him about any of this? Should I just stop talking to him for a while? It's so hard to let go, but these ups and downs are wearing me down so something has to change.

 

Any shared experiences? Advice? I'd be curious to know what y'all think! Thank you everyone!

[Qboro90]

So here's the thing. For more than 2 years I've [24/F] almost daily been fb chatting with this guy [23/M] I met during my exchange overseas 4 years ago. He liked me when I was over there while I saw him as just a good friend at the time (or possibly was too scared/dumb to acknowledge I liked him, I don't know), but since those chats I've developed feelings for him. A lot of them. He still likes me as well, but clearly doesn't wanna make any serious moves as long as we're so far apart and so there's nothing "exclusive" about us. There's been (and still is) talk about visiting each other, but it's taking a while for it to manifest since we both don't have a lot of money and are insecure about how things will feel when we see each other again.

 

So... this chatting habit has become sort of destructive in the sense that I compulsively check my messages, I spend way too much time chatting with this guy and I feel bad whenever I think he doesn't sound very interested, isn't responding quickly because he doesn't care, etc. So, basically I feel like right now my happiness depends waaay too much on the input I get from him. I would love to be able to keep in contact without being so needy, but I don't know if that's possible? I don't even know if we could ever work as a couple or whether I'm just lonely... Do you think it would help to Skype to already get a little more realistic idea of how the conversation flows face to face (this terrifies me haha)? Should I tell him about any of this? Should I just stop talking to him for a while? It's so hard to let go, but these ups and downs are wearing me down so something has to change.

 

Any shared experiences? Advice? I'd be curious to know what y'all think! Thank you everyone!

 

 

You're not going to want to hear this but you have to stop talking to this guy. You're only hurting and prohibiting yourself from actively meeting new people and developing real relationships and friendships with those that surround you.

 

I know you want to hold out hope that eventually you'll both have enough money and you'll fly to visit one another and then he'll either move to your country or visa versa. Sorry but that's not going to happen. It's just a fantasy that you each want to believe and tell one another because it hurts more to know that you just won't ever be physically able to see if you could make a relationship work together. You live to far apart. It's just no plausible. Stop investing so much time and emotion into a computer boyfriend when you could actually go out and meet someone who can hold and kiss and be with you like you should get from a guy.

 

It's ok to tell him this. Say you each owe kt to one yourselves to date someone you can be with in person. He's probably dating other girls anyways, there would be no way for you to know if he was or wasn't anyways . You can start seeing other guys and check in to see how he's doing from time to time but I bet you that once you start going out and socializing, you'll end up meeting someone and forgetting about the online boy. Right now he's just your only option and you built him up to be the perfect guy for you, however anybody can be perfect when all you have to do is type and send fb messages. That's not real, that's just a pen pal.