preraph Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 This did come to my mind... and I indirectly asked him also.. isnt he talking to his fiance... and whether he loves her... and he said yes he is talking to her and he feels good for some time and then the anxiety returns and that he does love her and will get married to her... what he is worried about is what will happen after they get married... will he end messing it up.. when i asked.. mess up how... he didnt say anything... whatever little bit i know about him... he is bit of a player and has had many casual relationships while still being with his current fiance and recently he made a statement how I am the only gal who never fell for him... all other female friends of his had fallen for him at some point of time or other... And he's basically STILL trying to have casual relationships and he knows he's not willing to stop. He probably shouldn't be getting married, but since anxiety is normal before marrying, I wouldn't do anything to influence him, but I would cut him off and suggest he talk to his fiancee instead of other women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 And he's basically STILL trying to have casual relationships and he knows he's not willing to stop. He probably shouldn't be getting married, but since anxiety is normal before marrying, I wouldn't do anything to influence him, but I would cut him off and suggest he talk to his fiancee instead of other women. Yes thanks... I had teased him past that.. hey someone like u should never be getting married... and he would just laugh... And when he reached out to me I always asked him to go ahead with the wedding... i hope that was right... i feel for his fiance... but my gut feeling is she knows all abt him... and this is some kind of an arrangement between them rather than a healthy marriage. Anyways... I am taking the no response approach now and it seems to be working he hasnt sent me any more messages complaining about anxiety... but only pics of himself, his family n food... he he 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 He wants you to know that you have a chance with him even if he is getting married. That's the impression that I get. Or maybe he is hoping for you to "save" him from having a wedding. Good job on ignoring him. Keep it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 He wants you to know that you have a chance with him even if he is getting married. That's the impression that I get. Or maybe he is hoping for you to "save" him from having a wedding. Good job on ignoring him. Keep it up. I have been feeling the same too after discussing with u guys... People are so complicated... Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 He has been a good friend to me in the sense that when I needed help few times he was there. That's why I responded when he reached out to me telling about his anxiety attacks. As I said above right now I am just avoiding him... He has sent me many messages in past 24 hrs... Mostly pics of where he has been. And asking me where I am. Yes he takes interest in my life n family n job just like other friends. I am not exactly hidden coz we post our pics n check ins on Facebook... And his fiance likes them. So she knows I am a friend but we never met or spoke coz she lives in a diff country n will be going back after the wedding which seems odd to me. And I became friends with this guy in last 6 months. I actually don't understand this thread. You have this friend who is having some pre-wedding anxiety and he is in a bit of a panic. Over the past day or so he has shared this anxiety with you (and possibly others). He has been there for you a few times when you have needed help but now that he has reached out to you for help, he is an emotional vampire, a player, a user and all sorts of horrible things and you have decided to just ignore him. Funny that you didn't think he was the embodiment of evil when you needed help from him but now that he's reaching out to you he's just a big jerk who deserves to be ridiculed and picked apart by you and a bunch of strangers on a forum. Well hopefully he gets the hint by your ignoring him and just disappears but if not I guess you will just have to be honest with him. Let him know that while you are more than happy to accept any help he wishes to give you, you find it offensive that he would expect any kind of reciprocal help and that in the future you would appreciate it if he could remember that your friendship with him is for your benefit, not his. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 I actually don't understand this thread. You have this friend who is having some pre-wedding anxiety and he is in a bit of a panic. Over the past day or so he has shared this anxiety with you (and possibly others). He has been there for you a few times when you have needed help but now that he has reached out to you for help, he is an emotional vampire, a player, a user and all sorts of horrible things and you have decided to just ignore him. Funny that you didn't think he was the embodiment of evil when you needed help from him but now that he's reaching out to you he's just a big jerk who deserves to be ridiculed and picked apart by you and a bunch of strangers on a forum. Well hopefully he gets the hint by your ignoring him and just disappears but if not I guess you will just have to be honest with him. Let him know that while you are more than happy to accept any help he wishes to give you, you find it offensive that he would expect any kind of reciprocal help and that in the future you would appreciate it if he could remember that your friendship with him is for your benefit, not his. Which merely goes to show that you have misunderstood the central gist of the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 Which merely goes to show that you have misunderstood the central gist of the thread. Thanks TaraMaiden2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) Which merely goes to show that you have misunderstood the central gist of the thread. I have not misunderstood the gist of the thread however I largely based my reply on the information given in the first post where the OP stated this friend just started sharing his problems with her over the PAST 2 DAYS. Then later she stated that he has been helpful to her a few times in the past when she approached him for help. So it sounds to me like this is the first time the friend has reached out to the OP for emotional support and it's been decided that because of this that he is an emotional vampire..LOL. Nice. Was the OP an emotional vampire when she sought him out for help? I could understand this emotional vampire crap if she had posted that he's ALWAYS venting his problem to her and NEVER takes her advice, and ALWAYS talks all about himself and blah blah blah, but he just reached out to her for some support 2 freaking days ago and now all of sudden he is this horrible burdensome person who should just be ignored. I just hope the OP remembers how she feels about being leaned on for support the next time she needs support or help from a friend. Edited December 12, 2015 by anika99 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 I have not misunderstood the gist of the thread however I largely based my reply on the information given in the first post where the OP stated this friend just started sharing his problems with her over the PAST 2 DAYS. Then later she stated that he has been helpful to her a few times in the past when she approached him for help. So it sounds to me like this is the first time the friend has reached out to the OP for emotional support and it's been decided that because of this that he is an emotional vampire..LOL. Nice. Was the OP an emotional vampire when she sought him out for help? I could understand this emotional vampire crap if she had posted that he's ALWAYS venting his problem to her and NEVER takes her advice, and ALWAYS talks all about himself and blah blah blah, but he just reached out to her for some support 2 freaking days ago and now all of sudden he is this horrible burdensome person who should just be ignored. I just hope the OP remembers how she feels about being leaned on for support the next time she needs support or help from a friend. Hi Anika - This is just a case of you having incomplete information. It wasnt 2 days... It was going on for quite some time and I was awake all night once listening to him. Only when I couldnt take it anymore I reached out to the people on this Forum to know what I can do. He was with his best friends, fiance and family and instead he was busy texting me all day. And yes he has helped me in past and bcoz of that only I listened to what he had to say. But eventually it was affecting my peace of mind. I think I did more than my share for the help he had done... and actually I had returned his favors at the same time when he helped me so it wasnt like I owed him anything. We are not that close that I dont sleep at night to listen to his rants about the same thing on and on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Thank you for the clarification OP. I was really under the impression that he only just starting sharing with you a couple of days ago and that it was the first time he had ever sort of leaned on you for some emotional support. Sorry if I had it wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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