nucking_futs Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) I don't understand why some women like the drama of arguing, and bitching about nothing really. Why can they no be content with what they have.... it seems they all want the fairy tale , well news flash it does not exists... men are not perfect... I told my wife , look..... if you are bitchy then no I will not help you... if you are nice then yes I will help you. Are they so fragile they cannot accept criticism? Any little thing will hurt their feelings... the world is a tough place.... it is for women and for men... I told my sons don't ever get married in today's world it's just not worth it. Edited December 7, 2015 by nucking_futs Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 You can be the same way but, in general, men are socialized and encouraged to, including by women in the reproductive selection process, be unemotional and 'in control'. Why? Well, even controlled, men can do, and have done, a pretty good job of destroying the world on occasion. We're pretty dangerous beings to be out of control. Women are emotional because they are human. They additionally enjoy the social power of freely expressing their emotions. Why? We choose to empower the behaviors. Why? Well, because we, as men, know if we next them, another guy will fill our place. We do it to ourselves 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) I told my wife , look..... if you are bitchy then no I will not help you... if you are nice then yes I will help you. I guess she's not gonna ask you for help. Ouch. the world is a tough place.... it is for women and for men All the more reason to be kinder to each other and not use hurtful language like tell your spouse she's "bitching or bitchy"... Edited December 7, 2015 by Rainbowlove 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I don't understand why some women like the drama of arguing, and bitching about nothing really... Are they so fragile they cannot accept criticism? I think you did this to yourself. Why pick someone like that? I'm not exceptionally emotional or fragile. I don't like drama. There are indeed women who don't fit this stereotype. If you're not too entrenched in your marriage and don't have young children, you might find someone else who doesn't put you through this. But I often find that people pick their counterpart. Is there something about these qualities that attracts you at the same time that it repels you? I think a lot of guys actually are intrigued by the dramatic stereotypical emotional woman. Also, are there ways that you are encouraging this behavior? Do you trigger her reactions in certain ways? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 I had a teenie tiny EA a year ago.... she said " well it's been a year" that started it.... with her friend... another story though... This is about women... I mean the same thing happens at work... you have to watch every word you say.. they over analyze everything Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I think you did this to yourself. Why pick someone like that? I'm not exceptionally emotional or fragile. I don't like drama. There are indeed women who don't fit this stereotype. If you're not too entrenched in your marriage and don't have young children, you might find someone else who doesn't put you through this. But I often find that people pick their counterpart. Is there something about these qualities that attracts you at the same time that it repels you? I think a lot of guys actually are intrigued by the dramatic stereotypical emotional woman. Also, are there ways that you are encouraging this behavior? Do you trigger her reactions in certain ways? Ironic. I actually read his statements as virtually the opposite. He complains of his SO being "fragile" and "can't take criticism" and reminds us all that the "world is a hard place" furthered by blaming the whole gender on her reactions to him. So....he's criticizing her (bitching at her) and she isn't accepting it well. So now he's on here complaining about it (even more bitching, Drama King). Maybe he doesn't get that "relationships are hard for both men and women." He's doing exactly what he's complaining about. Then taking zero responsibility for it. I believe we refer to that as "creating a bunch of drama." Time to pick up a Gottmann book about marriage instead of taking up a crusade against half of the human race. Maybe she doesn't want him around either unless he's going to actually help instead of just criticize. Wouldn't surprise me. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I had a teenie tiny EA a year ago.... she said " well it's been a year" that started it.... with her friend... another story though.. How dare her?!! She's a B because you had an emotional affair with her friend...perhaps the B (I mean your wife) needs to exit stage left your marriage because, clearly, you do not get it. Oh brother. This is about women... I mean the same thing happens at work... you have to watch every word you say.. they over analyze everything You cannot lump all women into one category. Good lord, grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 How dare her?!! She's a B because you had an emotional affair with her friend...perhaps the B (I mean your wife) needs to exit stage left your marriage because, clearly, you do not get it. Oh brother. You cannot lump all women into one category. Good lord, grow up. Yeah nothing quite gives a relationship the same "flare" as an unremorseful, unsympathetic (pathetic), minimizing cheater. Especially with a good helping of double-betrayal (her friend), who just wants his wife to "get over it." Yes, it is the whole gender's fault that buddy can't talk nice to his wife after putting her through a Chunk of hell. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I don't understand why some women like the drama of arguing, and bitching about nothing really. Why can they no be content with what they have.... it seems they all want the fairy tale , well news flash it does not exists... men are not perfect... I told my wife , look..... if you are bitchy then no I will not help you... if you are nice then yes I will help you. Are they so fragile they cannot accept criticism? Any little thing will hurt their feelings... the world is a tough place.... it is for women and for men... I told my sons don't ever get married in today's world it's just not worth it. A little over-dramatic there, don't ya think? Yeah, I've dated some high drama men too. However, when you say that the things that she cares about don’t matter, you’re putting her down and being disrespectful. She complained and you complained- too fragile, can't take criticism, too bitchy, etc. Imagine if she thought or said that things that matter to you are unimportant. “Sex is not important, so don’t get so dramatic about it. Mellow out.” See what I mean? It’s unimportant to YOU, not to her. If you truly think that she’s stupid or petty about the things she cares about, you have to either change or move on. Who is asking or relying on the other person to do something? Is one person not keeping their promise? Is one person carrying more responsibilities than the other? If you're not sure, switch for a month and get some appreciation for what the other person does. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I had a teenie tiny EA a year ago.... she said " well it's been a year" that started it.... with her friend... another story though... This is about women... I mean the same thing happens at work... you have to watch every word you say.. they over analyze everything Enough said. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I'm getting the feeling on this one... If the B (wife) had an emotional affair with his friend, all women would be whores. Feeling sorry for the B for marrying this guy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Instead of being angry at her, try understanding her. If you had an emotional affair, you must have some compassion, as opposed to the coldness that radiates from your post. Be sweet to your wife -- especially when you perceive her to be Bitchy -- and perhaps your marriage will improve. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I had a teenie tiny EA a year ago.... she said " well it's been a year" that started it.... with her friend... another story though... This is about women... I mean the same thing happens at work... you have to watch every word you say.. they over analyze everything Oh for heavens sake... I missed that! So you marginalize/minimize your bad behavior and see hers (and ALL WOMEN's :eyeroll:) ) as being over the top. OP!!! Yes. You're a passive aggressive drama generator. (And, yes, men who stereotype women and can't tolerate looking at themselves are SUPER high-drama.) Back to women? Yeah, women suck man.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Why you so emotional bro? That's a woman's trait! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Are all women emotional? No. Are there more emotional women than there are men? Probably. But being emotional isn't stapled to one gender. It's a human trait. Being "fed up" .. "angry" and "frustrated" are emotions too. All of which you seem to possess in your post. I wouldn't consider the woman in my life to be an overly emotional person. If I had an emotional affair (even a teeny tiny one) with a friend of hers (double punch there) would she become one? I'd imagine so. I'd also imagine she'd become even more emotional if I decided what the time frame for her to "get over" such a betrayal should be, rather than being understanding and helpful, i.e not criticizing her. I know it can be frustrating when things aren't moving along at the pace we want them to be moving at. But when the problem stems from something that we caused then it would probably be in your best interest to be helpful whether she's being a "b" or "nice". She's chosen to forgive you for a betrayal (doesn't matter if you think it was teeny tiny) that she's clearly not over yet if she's bringing it up a year later. You can't control how long it will take her to be able to move past it altogether but you can definitely help her to work through it more easily without causing further emotional blocks that she has to work past, as they are preventing her from dealing with the original main problem at hand. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 What is a teenie tiny EA? Do you think that might be part of the problem? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 OP, let me guess, your first marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Seriously, I thought wife and i were over the EA.... I know it takes time, I know I was wrong, I take full responsibility.... but every day is not going to be paradise . Even though in the last 6 months it has been great... It seems that she is upset again , the anniversary or the EA being a year has exploded her feelings again... or maybe it's that when she does not get what she wants , when she wants it, she brings this up again, over and over... or could it be that since OW and her are on the outs now, she is wondering if OW will contact me? THis is what I mean, why not just say what it is that's bothering you, instead of the man trying to figure it out and by the way, she might be fine in a week... it's very strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 OP, let me guess, your first marriage? yes first and last 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 I'm getting the feeling on this one... If the B (wife) had an emotional affair with his friend, all women would be whores. Feeling sorry for the B for marrying this guy. Why ? this is just the bad part of the marriage, there are good parts too Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Seriously, I thought wife and i were over the EA.... I know it takes time, I know I was wrong, I take full responsibility.... but every day is not going to be paradise . Even though in the last 6 months it has been great... It seems that she is upset again , the anniversary or the EA being a year has exploded her feelings again... or maybe it's that when she does not get what she wants , when she wants it, she brings this up again, over and over... or could it be that since OW and her are on the outs now, she is wondering if OW will contact me? THis is what I mean, why not just say what it is that's bothering you, instead of the man trying to figure it out and by the way, she might be fine in a week... it's very strange. I'm not sure what's so strange. I think you hit the nail on the head over and over again. Congrats. You don't have to be a mind reader to understand that she's obviously NOT over what happened. How did you manage to get past it? Did you go to counselling? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Anniversaries of affairs are generally hard for the betrayed spouses. The rule of thumb is it takes (in general) 4-6 years for a reconciling spouse to feel better after an affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 I'm not sure what's so strange. I think you hit the nail on the head over and over again. Congrats. You don't have to be a mind reader to understand that she's obviously NOT over what happened. How did you manage to get past it? Did you go to counselling? yes MC .... it was a mess.... I have an issue with intimacy... having been sexually abused at 7-10 by a 18 female baby sitter... But that's neither here not there, I got over that... maybe that's why I feel she should get over the other... I mean lets go in one direction, not back and forth, back and forth.. Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Enough said. Agreed. I was kind of on board with him at first, having experienced women reacting negatively to even very constructive criticism on my part many times in the past. But really? "A teenie tiny EA"? Bro, you lost any sympathy I may have had for you. Here's a thought: leave her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 So basically, her recent episodes or bitchyness are still due to EA and I am still taking my medicine.. I don't want to leave her, I love her. the Ea was not , oh baby .... blah blah, it was just talking about every day life... Link to post Share on other sites
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