nmarie86 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I've been dating my BF for about a year and a half. Over that time, I've caught him sending pics to his exes and other women, and they send pics back. I've told him that this needs to stop, that if he needs validation and attention, he needs to get it from me and not other women. He agreed to stop. I know I shouldn't have, but I looked through his FB messages and saw that awhile ago, a woman he was sleeping with right before he met me sent a few pics of herself to him. Granted, he did tell her that he's been seeing me for around a year now. She sent him the pics anyway and during the convo he said, "You don't miss me just the sex." And she replied with "the sex was great". Do I have a legitimate reason to be pissed? Isn't talking about the sex you had with exes wrong when you're with someone else? And how should I handle it, since this isn't his first or even second offense? The pics weren't XXX just bikini shots with cleavage, but sending any pics to a man who is with someone is just wrong! Thoughts, opinions...? And this woman is at least 5 yrs older than me and he was telling her he loved her before him and I met... just for background info. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 You got me at "Over that time, I've caught him sending pics to his exes and other women, and they send pics back". You should have dumped him right there. There is no way he is serious about you or your relationship......he doesn't care, he won't stop this behavior, and you can't tell him to stop. have some self worth...you deserve better, and I mean you should be with someone else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nmarie86 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 We had the argument about sending pics and talking to other women when he feels ignored this past summer, and this convo happened after that talk. It's frustrating bc I know his exes had issues with him wanting attention from other women via texting and FB messenger so I know it's his narcissism (sp?) at work. It just hurts that he doesn't seem to take our relationship or me seriously. If I even speak politely to a male friend, he loses his mind. Yet this issue with other women just won't go away... he tells me there is no password on his phone and I won't find anything upsetting on there... but every time I do find something that breaks my boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 He has no boundaries. In light of that you need to accept that this behavior that you don't like will continue or you need to walk. You can't change him & he won't stop. So either put up with it or get out. Staying, complaining, nagging & being upset only hurts you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 The ex girlfriends aren't the problem. Your boyfriend is. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Your BF is a Jackwagon. You know this is BS...all of it. Dump him. Get rid of him this very night or you'll continue to regret no doing so. . He does not respect you and is more than happy to screw around n you if given the opportunity. I'm sorry, but it is the truth. You deserve someone that will treat you well, not like an inconvenience. I do not know if it is generational or not...sometimes I think it is. But being in my fifties and old now I cannot understand how people will put up with so much crap from someone who claims to love them. I don't care the gender, if you are being treated like this, do not wait one more minute...just get rid of them! Let him message his left hand in the middle of the night if he is so full of himself, he'll sure as hell be needing it more now if you do the right thing....sorry I needed to insert some Levity there.I hope you appreciated it as low brow as my comedy usually is.... Yes it is THAT easy. No one and I mean NO ONE is worth this much drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Why are you accepting the double standard. If you just want him for a bit of company and sex..... fine... but he isn't decent boyfriend or marriage material... why waste your time staying with him. When you see the warning signs.. you need to cut loose and be done with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nmarie86 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Tonight will definitely be a tough one. No matter what, I already know I'll be made out to be the bad guy just so he feels better about the situation... "You shouldn't be going through my phone!" My perfect response: "You told me you took the screen lock off and to go ahead and look through it..." You get what you ask for at this point. After all, he has free reign to use mine whenever he wants, I have nothing to hide on there. I don't care if this convo happened yesterday or back in August months ago, the result is sadly still the same. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm tired of repeating myself. You are all right. I guess I just needed affirmation that my feelings about this are right, and I'm not just being crazy for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 If you keep finding yourself hurt, it's time to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 You got me at "Over that time, I've caught him sending pics to his exes and other women, and they send pics back". You should have dumped him right there. There is no way he is serious about you or your relationship......he doesn't care, he won't stop this behavior, and you can't tell him to stop. have some self worth...you deserve better, and I mean you should be with someone else. Exactly. I read that and didn't need to read anymore. Please gather your dignity and dump this guy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Tonight will definitely be a tough one. No matter what, I already know I'll be made out to be the bad guy just so he feels better about the situation... "You shouldn't be going through my phone!" My perfect response: "You told me you took the screen lock off and to go ahead and look through it..." You get what you ask for at this point. After all, he has free reign to use mine whenever he wants, I have nothing to hide on there. I don't care if this convo happened yesterday or back in August months ago, the result is sadly still the same. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm tired of repeating myself. You are all right. I guess I just needed affirmation that my feelings about this are right, and I'm not just being crazy for no reason. What are you going to do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Tonight will definitely be a tough one. No matter what, I already know I'll be made out to be the bad guy just so he feels better about the situation... "You shouldn't be going through my phone!" You don't even need to have that conversation. Just call him up and say you don't want to continue the relationship because you feel he doesn't respect you. Then hang up, unfriend and block him on all social media, delete his number. No arguments, no "bad guy", no nothing. Done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Why are you accepting the double standard. If you just want him for a bit of company and sex..... fine... but he isn't decent boyfriend or marriage material... why waste your time staying with him. When you see the warning signs.. you need to cut loose and be done with him. It's bad that most people won't. They stay in bad relationships for stupid reasons. People get that silly i can't find anyone better thing going in their heads and it's all downhill from there. I've reached a point where I won't put up with BS because I don't have to. I'd rather be alone than be in a bad relationship. Don't care if it's even "small" lies. I can do bad by myself. I don't need no help to starve to death.(love that song) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 We had the argument about sending pics and talking to other women when he feels ignored this past summer, and this convo happened after that talk. It's frustrating bc I know his exes had issues with him wanting attention from other women via texting and FB messenger so I know it's his narcissism (sp?) at work. It just hurts that he doesn't seem to take our relationship or me seriously. If I even speak politely to a male friend, he loses his mind. Yet this issue with other women just won't go away... he tells me there is no password on his phone and I won't find anything upsetting on there... but every time I do find something that breaks my boundaries. So his exes had issues with him having inappropriate contact with women when they were with him and now you are his gf you have the same issues with him. It is him. They werent able to stop him doing it with other women so you wont be able to either. The only way to win here is leave him. You also only know what he tells you. How do you know he isnt telling these women he isnt that serious about you to keep them around? his exes aren't causing the problems, he is. I really don't like it when women blame other women for the bad behavior of men. Past behavior is the best indicator of future and so he will probably sext you when he dumps you for someone else too. Link to post Share on other sites
cichlid Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 He has no respect for you or your feelings. Do you really want to be with a person like that? If the answer is yes, my next question is.. why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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