Tell me I did things right

[purpledooze]

It's been 8 months and he hasn't asked to get back together, has he?

 

No.

 

I blocked him right after we broke up. He said because of it he's not holding his breath for a reconciliation. Then I changed my number.

 

We reconnected a month after we broke up. Flirted, things were starting to be good. He said we still have connection and chemistry. We met up. No talk of relationships, we were just reconnecting. I can't really expect reconciliations to happen in one big gesture or overnight.

 

Then his other ex-gf started some drama. We went on no-contact again for another month. But he would keep messaging me on Skype asking how I was doing, what I've been up to. Following the advice of people here, I ignored them all.

 

He stopped messaging after a few weeks. He's also stopped social media. Then he tried to hack my Facebook. I confronted him about it the day I left the company and that was the last time we talked. I proceeded to block him on Skype.

 

All of my actions so far have been towards the goal of pushing him away. Ignoring, not responding, silence. I've kept him on Facebook to keep up appearances since we used to have a child together.

 

All the while I've been working on my career, self, health. Going on trips to Asia alone. But I never stopped wanting him back.

Edited December 4, 2015 by purpledooze

[kidm]

Sorry for the loss of your baby and sorry you are having a hard time letting it go.

 

Although you claim you pushed him away, I doubt he was serious about ever reconciling with you. You mentioned in previous posts that he had already reconnected with his ex when he started sending you messages.

 

Also I doubt a guy who wants to be with you, would have a "so long" type response when you tell him you're leaving the company. You can't push someone away who was never coming back. Never once did he remotely hint at wanting you back. All he did was drop breadcrumbs (how are doing, are you going to this event, etc. etc.). It means NOTHING. Trust me, some exes would maintain contact for eternity if it suits them and you let them.

 

I am sure he knows you are hurting based on the last letter you sent to him. It is pretty obvious you never moved on so the ball is in his court. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to get him back. Absolutely nothing.

[stillafool]

It sounds like he was trying to be more of a friend than a lover to you. He probably misses the friendship. You say his ex started drama but yet he made her his gf. If he wanted to be with you again I think he would have asked you in one of those conversations. He asked her even though she was full of drama. You broke up with him for a reason, you took the advice to go NC with him for a reason. You need to remember that reason and move on.

 

I read in your other thread that you do not have a support system so you have a guy who had a crush on you as support. Nix him and find a female friend to be your support system. Do you have female friends?

Edited December 4, 2015 by stillafool

[Blanco]

I've learned that people on these forums usually just want affirmation for what they have done or want to do. If they don't get it, they'll still usually do what it is they wanted to do.

 

OP, you've posted a lot about this guy and have taken mostly none of the advice given. I'm glad you're feeling empowered and on a high right now, but expect that to dissipate in the coming days. Chances are good that not only will you be feeling bad a few days from now, you'll feel worse than you have been.

[BC1980]

But what if I still want him back?

 

And why did he try to hack my account after I went off the grid for a while?

 

I don't think you can get him back. He's already gone off with another girl. His ex right? In any instance, if someone hacked into my FB account, that might be enough to end it right there. They'd need a darn good explanation for me to continue with them.

[purpledooze]

Thanks for all the responses and all the help. To clarify, he left me. I didn't leave him.

 

I don't know why I can't really move on from this. I've been friends with all my other exes and that has never been a problem until now.

 

We were in an open relationship actually. Me and his other ex were both his girlfriends at one time. I was cool with it, he was cool with it, but his other girlfriend wasn't -- mainly because at one point he and I were in an exclusive, monogamous relationship.

[purpledooze]

I don't think you can get him back. He's already gone off with another girl. His ex right? In any instance, if someone hacked into my FB account, that might be enough to end it right there. They'd need a darn good explanation for me to continue with them.

 

He tried to but couldn't get past the authentication code part since it got sent to my phone. That was how I found out.

[BC1980]

Thanks for all the responses and all the help. To clarify, he left me. I didn't leave him.

 

I don't know why I can't really move on from this. I've been friends with all my other exes and that has never been a problem until now.

 

We were in an open relationship actually. Me and his other ex were both his girlfriends at one time. I was cool with it, he was cool with it, but his other girlfriend wasn't -- mainly because at one point he and I were in an exclusive, monogamous relationship.

 

Would you like to resume that arrangement or date him exclusively? It seems like he might have chosen her at this point.

[purpledooze]

Would you like to resume that arrangement or date him exclusively? It seems like he might have chosen her at this point.

 

I'm okay with being open. It's always been under the premise that whatever happens in his other relationship doesn't affect ours.

 

He dated me exclusively when she broke up with him because she wanted kids and he didn't.

[stillafool]

We were in an open relationship actually. Me and his other ex were both his girlfriends at one time. I was cool with it, he was cool with it, but his other girlfriend wasn't -- mainly because at one point he and I were in an exclusive, monogamous relationship.

 

This should tell you right here that he isn't coming back. She put her foot down and wouldn't put up with him seeing the both of you. He still choose to be with her instead of asking you back. It would have been easier for him to go back to you because you would have allowed him to have you and another gf but he choose her.

[purpledooze]

This should tell you right here that he isn't coming back. She put her foot down and wouldn't put up with him seeing the both of you. He still choose to be with her instead of asking you back. It would have been easier for him to go back to you because you would have allowed him to have you and another gf but he choose her.

 

I managed to retract the message before he's "Seen" it. I'm back to no-contact again. It's been how many months of no-contact now. I'm sure he missed me at some point; hence, he tried to hack my Facebook.

 

I have this ebook and subscription on how to get my ex back, but I don't know how to use it.

[Blanco]

I have this ebook and subscription on how to get my ex back, but I don't know how to use it.

 

Here's how to use it:

 

1) Hover your cursor over the file

2) Click your mouse and hold

3) Drag file to recycling bin

[stillafool]

 

I have this ebook and subscription on how to get my ex back, but I don't know how to use it.

 

Oh yeah, that for sure will help you get him back. Maybe I can lend you my crystal ball.

[purpledooze]

I've learned that people on these forums usually just want affirmation for what they have done or want to do. If they don't get it, they'll still usually do what it is they wanted to do.

 

OP, you've posted a lot about this guy and have taken mostly none of the advice given. I'm glad you're feeling empowered and on a high right now, but expect that to dissipate in the coming days. Chances are good that not only will you be feeling bad a few days from now, you'll feel worse than you have been.

 

I've been feeling bad ever since and things have gone downhill since the breakup and since the first NC.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks for all the responses and all the help. To clarify, he left me. I didn't leave him.

 

I don't know why I can't really move on from this. I've been friends with all my other exes and that has never been a problem until now.

 

We were in an open relationship actually. Me and his other ex were both his girlfriends at one time. I was cool with it, he was cool with it, but his other girlfriend wasn't -- mainly because at one point he and I were in an exclusive, monogamous relationship.

 

Because you keep checking up on him and hovering around him. You aren't going to move on from this until you actually take steps to move on. You not only haven't blocked him, but you are keeping inventory on his life. That's why you have made little to no progress in eight months. By "warming up to it" the only thing you're doing is keeping yourself waist deep in the muck.

 

The only person keeping this saga alive is you. He's moved on, it's time for you to do the same. And the only way to start that is by completely cutting the cord. Stop being weak and making excuses to sabotage yourself.

[Simon Phoenix]

I managed to retract the message before he's "Seen" it. I'm back to no-contact again. It's been how many months of no-contact now. I'm sure he missed me at some point; hence, he tried to hack my Facebook.

 

I have this ebook and subscription on how to get my ex back, but I don't know how to use it.

 

No you haven't been No Contact. If you have, you wouldn't know all of this information. No Contact means completely falling off the grid. No talking, no texting, no social media check-ins, no outside information of any kind. Complete block.

 

If you are going to move forward, you have to be truthful about where you at. And if you aren't at Step 1, you're pretty darn close.

[BC1980]

I've been feeling bad ever since and things have gone downhill since the breakup and since the first NC.

 

Checking social media is worse than being in direct contact IMO.

[Blanco]

I find it incredibly sad that the OP is still pining for a guy who:

 

1) Was never fully with her (i.e. open relationship)

2) Got her pregnant and then made it clear that he wanted no involvement in the child's life

3) Has not been with her in any sort of relationship for nearly a year

4) Is with another woman

 

There are tons of guys out there who would probably love to be with the OP; build a solid, healthy relationship with her; start a family with her. And yet, she's here fretting away time over a human cesspool who isn't even there anymore.

[purpledooze]

Ok last straw. I blocked him. Finally. And his girlfriend. She keeps on going through my profile looking for bits of information she can use as leverage for their relationship.

 

I was going about my day, when I received a notification on my phone saying he changed his profile picture. To one that I took of him when we were in Japan together.

 

I'm tired of giving meaning to something that doesn't have meaning; because the feeling that I get isn't hope, it's pain when I realize that it doesn't mean ****. I had to convince myself he's not doing this to catch my attention, this is not breadcrumbs. This is just him going through his pictures looking for a good one for his profile picture. He's not remembering our good times. He's not thinking about me. He's not doing this for me.

 

I am going out on a date. With the CEO of a company I rejected. A guy 13 years my senior who went to school with Christopher Nolan. A guy, who when I was sick, called me three times just to make sure I was eating the chicken soup he sent to my hospital because he couldn't see me. Someone who's just too hot to be 45. Him INTJ, Me INFJ. We both like dogs. He said he was happy I didn't take up their job offer and chose another company, otherwise he wouldn't be able to ask me out on a date.

 

**** the past. Hello future.

Edited December 7, 2015 by purpledooze

[Glass Hut]

There's nothing wrong with going out with somebody older. A change could be a good thing.

[purpledooze]

I blocked him on everything. Finally. I merely left him a message:

Please don't get offended. I'm doing this for my emotional well-being. I wish you well.

Then blocked on all channels.

 

Now I woke up to my neighbor playing Dido's White Flag. And I can't help but wonder if I really did things right.

 

He broke up with me. Told me the reasons why. My dad said that if a guy tells you this, it means there's a problem that can be fixed and if it's fixed, the relationship can be too. My reaction: Went on no-contact despite him hinting he wants to fix the relationship, but since the problem was me, I have to figure things out.

 

Our baby died. He came online on the game we used to play and played for 3 days straight. Sent his condolences. I wanted to reach out. My reaction: I ignored him.

 

He reached out again. Telling me a co-worker was enamoured with me and was asking about me. I wanted to reach out. My reaction: I ignored him.

 

We reconnected. Tried to be friends. Flirted. Met up. Drama started when his gf and I became emotional. I asked if he still wanted to see me, he said he would be very busy in the next months so maybe someday we can hang out again. He didn't talk to me for a month. My reaction: I stopped contacting him. I didn't greet him for his birthday either.

 

My birthday came. He never greeted me. I guess this was in response to my not greeting him.

 

He reached out again. Asking how things were. My reaction: I ignored him.

 

He reached out again. Asking how work was. My reaction: I ignored him.

 

When I finally talked to him, it was to let him know I was leaving the company. He asked if I was scared or if I had any plans. He said, "Look, you're beautiful, brilliant, and one of the smartest and cleverest girls I know. Just bring that girl back." Sugarcoating, I told myself. I blocked him on Skype after that. Now he can't reach out to me there anymore.

 

Now on Facebook. After being inactive for months, he now starts liking Events, parties, surf trips. I have him blocked from messaging. I know he keeps tabs on me too. He changes his picture into one that I took of him on our last trip together. My reaction: I blocked him on Facebook entirely.

 

There's a book that says that when you love someone, you have to respond from a place of love, not from a place of ego. Despite the ignoring, I never stopped wanting him back. He's always told me never to run away from pain. He said he never does. And that the best way to respond to pain is to face it and handle it.

 

With his other ex, whom he left before me, they stayed friends and never cut contact. Now their back together.

 

Maybe I was wrong about things.

[betterfly]

Hi! Sorry, posted by accident. Meant to start a thread, and don't know how to delete a post.

Edited December 12, 2015 by betterfly