Found out I wasn't the only one

[Sassy Girl]

regarding him being made responsible:

 

 

 

 

this is exactly how you enable this douchebag to cheat again: ZERO consequences.

 

She doesn't care. OP wanted a baby, he agreed to be sperm donor. Baby's rights and welfare all secondary. Right?

[gettingstronger]

Well, now you know- there are others and he is probably lying about his marriage as well-

 

You have a lot on your plate- a child on the way- focus on that because this relationship isn't going any place-

[OneLov]

Never had sex with his wife?!?!?!? Wtf!!!?!? You can't possibly believe this can you?!?!?!? Really?!?!? If you honestly do, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you!!!

[sandylee1]

No, no condoms. He said he never had sex with his wife and he was my only sexual partner. This is where the other complication comes in due to our lack of a barrier, I'm pregnant. But that's not a big issue right now.

 

No birth control was being used... so I assume you wanted to get pregnant then since its not the pregnancy that worries you... but the fact that you are not his only mistress.

 

You cannot believe what a cheater tells you though.

 

Does he have other kids?

 

You said he doesn't want the baby... so are you still staying as his second or third other woman? As you've no idea how many others there are. Get yourself STD tested.. at least you know ....his wife doesn't.

 

When people think affairs are full of fun.... it really can turn out to be a serious health risk.... his wife, yourself, the other OW and probably more exchanging body fluids. Have you thought what you may have exposed your unborn child to? For your health and the baby's please go to your doctor and get the necessary tests.

[winterkeep]

She doesn't care. OP wanted a baby, he agreed to be sperm donor. Baby's rights and welfare all secondary. Right?

 

That's a bit unfair Sassy, there are many reasons she might not want his support.

 

OP, I haven't mentioned this in my posts before but just after MM told me he was married I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned, I was on the pill and I knew after finding out that I didn't want to be with him, nor would he have wanted me to have had my baby.

 

I wanted to keep it, I really did. I felt my body changing very early on and I took weeks to tell him as I knew what he'd say and I needed to make a decision for myself. This was not to keep or entice the jerk back, but because I felt it.

 

He reacted as I expected and in my weighing up my options I decided that if I did have the baby he would have no part of it's life - that includes child support. I didn't want my child to be a source of pain, hatred and rejection - I've read enough BS boards to know this is the norm for MM's families. This was a decision of love and was not disregarding it's welfare. I am fortunate enough that I have a high income, finances would not have been the issue.

 

In the end though I terminated my pregnancy, my reasons are mine but were well considered. I regret it and mourn EVERY day.

 

But do what is right for you, if you don't need his financial support then don't take it. Let your baby grow up knowing nothing but peace, love and acceptance. BUT if you change your mind and decide you need the financial support later, well, that's your decision to make too.

 

Good luck.

[MJJean]

That's a bit unfair Sassy, there are many reasons she might not want his support.

 

And none of those reasons matter one bit. Unless she is independently wealthy, her child's quality of life will be better with the financial support of both parents.

 

Not to mention the fact that ***** happens.

 

What if she loses her job? Child support would lessen the impact on the kid while mom gets back on her feet.

 

What if the child has a medical issue crop up? Shouldn't he/she have the other half of the family medical history?

 

What about when the child is older and starts wondering about daddy?

 

What if mommy becomes disabled or dies?

 

There is now a baby in the mix. What the OP and the MM want is now irrelevant.

 

Do the right thing for the baby, OP. File for child support when he/she is born.

 

Also, please tell me you've been to your first prenatal appointment and have had an STD test that came back clean. I personally know more than one woman that found out she was pregnant and had caught an STD around the same time.

[Why am I surprised]

And none of those reasons matter one bit. Unless she is independently wealthy, her child's quality of life will be better with the financial support of both parents.

 

Not to mention the fact that ***** happens.

 

What if she loses her job? Child support would lessen the impact on the kid while mom gets back on her feet.

 

What if the child has a medical issue crop up? Shouldn't he/she have the other half of the family medical history?

 

What about when the child is older and starts wondering about daddy?

 

What if mommy becomes disabled or dies?

 

There is now a baby in the mix. What the OP and the MM want is now irrelevant.

 

Do the right thing for the baby, OP. File for child support when he/she is born.

 

Also, please tell me you've been to your first prenatal appointment and have had an STD test that came back clean. I personally know more than one woman that found out she was pregnant and had caught an STD around the same time.

 

I'm 34 weeks, I have had 3 std tests so far this pregnancy and all were clean. I suppose I need another now that I know about this girl.

 

I just do not wish to pursue financial support, nor do I wish for his family to find out. Perhaps that's not copacetic to some people but at this point in time, it doesn't feel like a good idea. Perhaps I'm believing once he comes around after the baby is born he'll realize this is real. I don't think it has sunk in for him yet that this is really happening, he may even have doubts about my own faithfulness. But a part of me hopes, not believes, but hopes when he sees our child he'll feel something, he can't be a complete sociopath lacking in emotion or consciousness.

[anika99]

I'm 34 weeks, I have had 3 std tests so far this pregnancy and all were clean. I suppose I need another now that I know about this girl.

 

I just do not wish to pursue financial support, nor do I wish for his family to find out. Perhaps that's not copacetic to some people but at this point in time, it doesn't feel like a good idea. Perhaps I'm believing once he comes around after the baby is born he'll realize this is real. I don't think it has sunk in for him yet that this is really happening, he may even have doubts about my own faithfulness. But a part of me hopes, not believes, but hopes when he sees our child he'll feel something, he can't be a complete sociopath lacking in emotion or consciousness.

 

Have you even confronted him the other OW or ended your affair with him yet? Are you still trying to win this creep? The above sounds like you think like if you keep accomadting him and keep agreeing to be his good little secret mistress you can still win and he will choose you and your baby. Don't be naive. Think of how expertly he lied to you and misled you? I bet he told you that you were the only person he had to turn to with his problems, the only one who understood. Meanwhile he was saying the very same crap to another woman and probably his wife too. He is not just your regular cheating man, he is much more sinister and calculated then the average MM who cheats. You think this guy is going to choose to be a father to your baby?

 

He knows you are pregnant, has told you he doesn't want your baby and yet you were still agreeing to sexually accomadting his fantasy of having sex with you and another woman which is how you found out. He is rejecting your child but you still want to do threesomes with him. You may be attractive and sexual but where is your head? Do you think being attractive and willing to sexually please are the only things men value? It sounds like it based on your first post where you express shock that he could have possibly been with another woman since you look so good and you're always ready and willing to sexually perform.

 

You're about to become a mom and it's time for you to stop putting so much of your self worth into such shallow things. Sure men like pretty women and great sex but if that's all you're bringing then you're just going to keep attracting men like your MM. You have to start thinking about what you want to teach your child. If you have a daughter do you want to teach her that her value is all in her looks and sexual abilities? Because if you keep letting this man use you, if you agree to keep your child his dirty little secret, then you will be off to a great start in teaching your child that they have little worth.

 

You don't want child support or for his family to find out, yet you're hoping he will still step up and be a father. How exactly do you picture that working. How will you explain to your child that they can't ever go to dads house or meet dads friends or see dads parents or siblings? Maybe not even be seen in public with him? Is that how you want your flesh and blood to be treated? It's time for you to learn to put your child's needs above you and your MM. Your baby deserves financial support and if the MM wishes to be a dad then he needs to openly and honestly acknowledge his child. Stop accomadting this creep over your kid.

[anika99]

My god, you are 8 months pregnant by a man who is rejecting your baby and you are trying to arrange threesomes for him.

[sandylee1]

Actually I think you going it alone with the baby is a good idea. All this talk about the father.. well having sex and impregnating someone doesn't make you a dad... I feel it's very sad for kids who never know their father's. .. but when you treat sex so casually and are irresponsible about it and sleep with a MM... it's par for the course.

 

Even if you don't want his child support... are you happy for the 'father' section on the birth certificate to just be blank? Like there was no father? Have you thought how this would make the child feel in the future?

[Lurkeraspect]

I'm 34 weeks, I have had 3 std tests so far this pregnancy and all were clean. I suppose I need another now that I know about this girl.

 

I just do not wish to pursue financial support, nor do I wish for his family to find out. Perhaps that's not copacetic to some people but at this point in time, it doesn't feel like a good idea. Perhaps I'm believing once he comes around after the baby is born he'll realize this is real. I don't think it has sunk in for him yet that this is really happening, he may even have doubts about my own faithfulness. But a part of me hopes, not believes, but hopes when he sees our child he'll feel something, he can't be a complete sociopath lacking in emotion or consciousness.

 

I don't think it's sunk in for you yet. This man is a serial cheater. He's not a prize. Say he did leave his wife (he's not) and the two of you were together. He'd be cheating on you in no time. That's just who he is.

 

I have the feeling that the reason you're not seeking support for your child is because you're afraid that will definitely end your affair for good. But honestly, your affair was never just about the two of you anyway, he's married and I'm quite sure his wife's version of their marriage isnt even close to the drivel he's been feeding you and all the others. One day you'll realize what scum he is, you'll get mad and demand that he support your kid. Please don't wait. This isn't about you anymore. You're child deserves to be supported by BOTH parents.

 

And he's not going to have some magical moment when he sees the baby. He'll be looking for escape. He didn't want a kid with you. He wanted NSA fun. With you and many others is seems. And please, in the future, protect yourself.

[MJJean]

I'm 34 weeks, I have had 3 std tests so far this pregnancy and all were clean. I suppose I need another now that I know about this girl.

 

I just do not wish to pursue financial support, nor do I wish for his family to find out. Perhaps that's not copacetic to some people but at this point in time, it doesn't feel like a good idea. Perhaps I'm believing once he comes around after the baby is born he'll realize this is real. I don't think it has sunk in for him yet that this is really happening, he may even have doubts about my own faithfulness. But a part of me hopes, not believes, but hopes when he sees our child he'll feel something, he can't be a complete sociopath lacking in emotion or consciousness.

 

He's a grown man. He knows it's real. And he may feel something when he sees the baby, but as long as he has a wife and family that don't know he's got a child with you, he won't be stable and consistent. Kids need stability and consistency to feel safe and secure.

 

Plenty of men who have children outside their marriages walk away. Plenty of men who have children within their marriages walk away, too.

 

Don't let this "man" bounce in and out of your child's life. Don't use your child to hang on to him, either.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm 34 weeks, I have had 3 std tests so far this pregnancy and all were clean. I suppose I need another now that I know about this girl.

 

I just do not wish to pursue financial support, nor do I wish for his family to find out. Perhaps that's not copacetic to some people but at this point in time, it doesn't feel like a good idea. Perhaps I'm believing once he comes around after the baby is born he'll realize this is real. I don't think it has sunk in for him yet that this is really happening, he may even have doubts about my own faithfulness. But a part of me hopes, not believes, but hopes when he sees our child he'll feel something, he can't be a complete sociopath lacking in emotion or consciousness.

 

Yes, he can be.

 

Most MM on these boards that produce children have utterly nothing to do with them and the former OW who have now become "even more inconvenient than the wife."

 

What you have said, especially in light of what you just found out about him, is completely naive.

[Samhain]

I'm 34 weeks, I have had 3 std tests so far this pregnancy and all were clean. I suppose I need another now that I know about this girl.

 

I just do not wish to pursue financial support, nor do I wish for his family to find out. Perhaps that's not copacetic to some people but at this point in time, it doesn't feel like a good idea. Perhaps I'm believing once he comes around after the baby is born he'll realize this is real. I don't think it has sunk in for him yet that this is really happening, he may even have doubts about my own faithfulness. But a part of me hopes, not believes, but hopes when he sees our child he'll feel something, he can't be a complete sociopath lacking in emotion or consciousness.

 

It almost sounds as though you are keeping the baby as a tool to use in trying to regain some interest from him in the hopes he will suddenly develop some kind of deep feelings for you. It won't happen. That's a living life that shouldn't be used as leverage for anything.

 

Keep the baby because you will love, care for it and protect it like a parent would, not to hold it out under his nose so you can say "look what we got, feel something"

 

If you think a guy won't completely cut a child he didn't want out of his life, you are wrong. Nothing to do with being sociopathic. He didn't want you to start with, he wants his marriage with his wife and his fun on the side, which is the only place you ever existed.

 

Did you get pregnant on purpose as a way to keep him around? If so, it has backfired, and the only innocent person in all of this is also the only one who didn't have a choice in any of it; your baby!

 

Don't do further injustice to a life you created by denying your future son or daughter the financial stability he/she is entitled to. You will probably change your mind in the future anyway when you learn to accept that he feels nothing for you and will not leave his wife, ever.

[wheream_i]

I don't get why he wanted anyone else. I'm so sexual, so sexual and I am beautiful.

 

 

You think you're beautiful. Does he?

[Ms. Faust]

You think you're beautiful. Does he?

 

Beautiful or not, he obviously does not hold her in that high regard. This isn't even about love, it's sex, sex. Sex.

 

This is a sad story.

[Samhain]

What is beautiful anyway? To put it bluntly one mans idea of beauty is another mans idea of a dog, and vice versa.

[wheream_i]

What is beautiful anyway? To put it bluntly one mans idea of beauty is another mans idea of a dog, and vice versa.

 

My point exactly.

[MayorChapstick]

Hi WhyAmISurprised. I am so sorry for your pain.

 

May I ask..are you yourself fully reconciled to being a single mother? Because from your posts, it almost sounds as if you have tricked yourself into believing that your exMM will look into your childs eyes and magically want to leave his wife and his other mistresses and be with you. I truly hope this is not the case, as it's an unlikely conclusion to this story.

 

I wish you and your baby a happy and healthy future! As the child of a single parent I can tell you that you can absolutely be more than enough for your child, who will undoubtedly love you unconditionally no matter what.

[afoolto no end]

I think you need to wake up, this is about your child's future now not yours or your OM's......

I agree with another poster, even if your plan worked he is no prize and he would only bring more hurt to you and your child......I would get the financial support you can and move on with your life, your child is precious.......don't let that kind of person be in his/her life.......There are good men out there find one and be happy .........you made a mistake.........you were dumb, but all that is over......

I think very soon you will see another side of the OM, he is feeling trapped and you have become more of a problem I am sure all he is thinking about is how to get rid of you and him not having to be accountable........

Someday you are going to have to tell the story of your child's father to him/her, I would suggest it being one where at least his/her mother stood up for his/her future.............

Anything else is just wrong and stupid..........

You have been given a gift no matter how the baby came about........it's your turn to stand up to the plate in life.........this isn't about you anymore.......

[anika99]

what surprises me are the number of women who think they are a catch because they're "so sexual". LOL..we're all sexual and most every woman enjoys great sex and sex play. Sure some women are controlled by their guilt and sexual hang ups but it's pretty easy for most women to be great at sex, because we're wired to be. The part of the brain that tells us to eat and sleep also tells us to seek out some awesome sex! Thinking you're a prize because you like sex is like saying you're awesome because you get hungry and you like to sleep. It's just biology..lol. OP you didn't invent good sex and the threesome. Most of us have BTDT.

[norudder]

what surprises me are the number of women who think they are a catch because they're "so sexual". LOL..we're all sexual and most every woman enjoys great sex and sex play. Sure some women are controlled by their guilt and sexual hang ups but it's pretty easy for most women to be great at sex, because we're wired to be. The part of the brain that tells us to eat and sleep also tells us to seek out some awesome sex! Thinking you're a prize because you like sex is like saying you're awesome because you get hungry and you like to sleep. It's just biology..lol. OP you didn't invent good sex and the threesome. Most of us have BTDT.

 

I think this is kind of simplistic. One isn't a great catch just because they have sex just like someone isn't a catch just because they have a job. Most people desire sex and most people need to work to support themselves. But its in the attitude with which individuals approach those things that can symbolize how they approach other things in life. Sex is as much a way of self expression as anything else. Its part of who they are as a whole.

[whichwayisup]

I'm 34 weeks, I have had 3 std tests so far this pregnancy and all were clean. I suppose I need another now that I know about this girl.

 

I just do not wish to pursue financial support, nor do I wish for his family to find out. Perhaps that's not copacetic to some people but at this point in time, it doesn't feel like a good idea. Perhaps I'm believing once he comes around after the baby is born he'll realize this is real. I don't think it has sunk in for him yet that this is really happening, he may even have doubts about my own faithfulness. But a part of me hopes, not believes, but hopes when he sees our child he'll feel something, he can't be a complete sociopath lacking in emotion or consciousness.

 

There's NO way he's going to come around and be with you and the baby without his wife and rest of his family finding out. Part of his consequence of having an affair and getting you pregnant IS coming clean. His wife deserves to know the truth so she can decide if she wants to stay married to him or not.

 

Bolded. People are capable of just about anything when pushed past their emotional limit. And you never know but expect the worst . Many MM DO run the other way and don't look back. If he is scared of losing his wife and family, life as he knows it, he won't let himself fall in love with his child with you.

[sandylee1]

 

 

Someday you are going to have to tell the story of your child's father to him/her,

 

....

 

She doesn't have to tell the child actually. I certainly wouldn't want to tell my child his/her father was married to someone else and I was one of his many mistresses.... finding out by chance when he wanted a threesome. Yes... I know you won't say the detail... but you'd have to say he was married and tell the child he was not interested in you (child)...as he didn't want his wife and kids to know.

 

I'd rather just day he was dead. He might as well be as far as your child is concerned. Find a decent guy.. so you can be happy and your child has a positive male to look up too.