How to be a better man?

[chris maurice]

Im getting a bit older now. 22 in fact. Im not pleased where i am as an individual. i wanted to get back fit, real fit, put on some muscle and focus back on my sports and be very good at it. also at the same time take care of myself and my family. im not in school right now, im hoping to be next year. recently got my heart broken and it still bothers me a bit.

 

I dont feel 100 sometimes. feel like there is so much aspects of my life that i need to work on. and i cant give my all to improve. I just cant. i try but its hard.

 

Its hard to motivate myself and really push myself to do things for me. I dont want to be a loser, and im not but i feel as if i really need to make some serious changes in my life. and im struggling so badly.

 

I really need some advice. thank you.

[carhill]

Pick one thing for tomorrow you can be successful at. It doesn't have to change the world, or even be notable. A lifetime is made up of, well, time. If you view time as linear, go with that. String together moments of life which you find personally fulfilling and satisfying and productive and move forward. Tip: No one else really cares. You'll be your own success. Sure, you might be popular for awhile, but that's just moments in time. All too soon it's over. The abyss. Good luck.

[Samhain]

At 22, you really do have your whole life ahead of you, I got 10 years on you and looking back I probably felt like you did too. But I'm perfectly happy with my life now. You'll get there too buddy.

 

Anything you wanna do in life, you can do it. It doesn't come easy, but you sound like you got your head screwed on and know what you need to do.

 

Working out is good because it makes you feel better about yourself and that positive outlook helps with every aspect of your life. But don't overdo it, working out doesn't necessarily mean healthy.. Eat nutritiously and take care of yourself.

[Samhain]

I have a great work out routine and healthy eating plan to accompany it, if you want I can message or mail it you. It's good for building muscle or losing weight.

[chris maurice]

I have a great work out routine and healthy eating plan to accompany it, if you want I can message or mail it you. It's good for building muscle or losing weight.

 

I'd really appreciate that my friend. I guess I really need to take it o e day at a time. You can send me whatever way works for you.

[travelbug1996]

Not sure if you have a spiritual belief system but if so pray to God for wisdom, love integrity, perserverence, hope and faith.

 

These are the traits of a righteous man and they are qualities that won't change regardless of where you are in life financially, mentally or emotionally.

 

Treat people with respect and honor especially your family and the people who raised you and sacrificed for you.

 

You'll be fine

[dichotomy]

Failing is not falling down, or not making the grade, failing is giving up and not getting up.

 

Perseverance is a key, and beveling in yourself and your goals. A bit of fearlessness is helpful.

 

Also I have found working smarter is better than working harder.

 

 

 

P.S.

 

I know this may sound trivial and corny - but I do listen to inspirational videos on YouTube now and then to keep me motivated or when I am feeling down.

 

 

 

Edited December 8, 2015 by dichotomy

[d0nnivain]

Consider getting a life coach or at least a sports trainer.

[MrDuck]

To give advice on this seems almost as though I've conquered being a great man, which I haven't! I make mistakes all the time! But I can look the guy in the mirror in the eye and actually be pretty proud, and that's something I couldn't of always done!

 

 

For me (and this is just for me I cant say its universal). For me, you have to let go first. People create this image in there head of who they 'should' be, from outside sources, from celebrities, or parents, or that guy you work with, when its should be created from inside.

For me that was drastic, that was packing up and leaving everything, going round the world, going off the grid, living and working with people who had very little. But even for a lot of that time I was still kind of playing a role. I played the class clown, I played the tough guy, I played the good time Charlie, and I played super-dad.

I was lucky to meet a man who taught me so much and completely changed my mind-set. He opened my eyes and changed my mindset: to the person I needed to be to be happy, not the person I thought I wanted to be or should be. We're all born with different strengths and weaknesses, if everyone was the same where would the fun be? You have to be the best version of you, you not play the role of someone else or you'll always be left wanting.

 

 

Focus on what you really want. Sport, family, school, all great and worthy things, but focus on the path you want to take not the destination.

Don't tell yourself you'll be happy when you break world records if the man you are would sacrifice his sport for his family. You're torn because your trying to be everything to everyone, you have to focus.

You can still play sport, you can still be really good at it, but if the guy you are in your bones is the guy that works hard on the pitch, that trains hard when he trains, but chooses his family over an extra night in the gym that he'd need to take him to the next level, then that's okay! Or The other way round would be okay too. Be true to your own path.

 

You don't necessarily have to judge yourself on what you achieve, but how you ahieve it! I was pretty results driven but now I see more to be proud of in the man in the wheelchair who learns to walk, than the man who runs 100m in sub 13 seconds, but could of gone quicker if he'd put the training in!

If all you ever do is the best you can, then you can be proud of that.

 

 

Doesn't mean you shouldn't want to achieve anything, just want to achieve it for the right reasons.

I have a tattoo on my inner arm (that I had done at 15, proving what a stupid kid I was ) it reads "Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out". For me I try to live by that (I think I do a better job now than I did back then, I know now you don't necessarily need all eyes on you to be standing out)

I actually have other tattoos on both of my wrists, ones my sons name, he was names after the Bodhi tree. The other says ':20', its after a quote in a film (a **** film, but a great quote), "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it". I completely and honestly believe in that. Sometimes you just need to make the jump and figure out the landing later. Else you'll never do anything.

 

 

Decide whats important to you and why, then tomorrow take 20 seconds to kick it off!

[chris maurice]

To give advice on this seems almost as though I've conquered being a great man, which I haven't! I make mistakes all the time! But I can look the guy in the mirror in the eye and actually be pretty proud, and that's something I couldn't of always done!

 

 

For me (and this is just for me I cant say its universal). For me, you have to let go first. People create this image in there head of who they 'should' be, from outside sources, from celebrities, or parents, or that guy you work with, when its should be created from inside.

For me that was drastic, that was packing up and leaving everything, going round the world, going off the grid, living and working with people who had very little. But even for a lot of that time I was still kind of playing a role. I played the class clown, I played the tough guy, I played the good time Charlie, and I played super-dad.

I was lucky to meet a man who taught me so much and completely changed my mind-set. He opened my eyes and changed my mindset: to the person I needed to be to be happy, not the person I thought I wanted to be or should be. We're all born with different strengths and weaknesses, if everyone was the same where would the fun be? You have to be the best version of you, you not play the role of someone else or you'll always be left wanting.

 

 

Focus on what you really want. Sport, family, school, all great and worthy things, but focus on the path you want to take not the destination.

Don't tell yourself you'll be happy when you break world records if the man you are would sacrifice his sport for his family. You're torn because your trying to be everything to everyone, you have to focus.

You can still play sport, you can still be really good at it, but if the guy you are in your bones is the guy that works hard on the pitch, that trains hard when he trains, but chooses his family over an extra night in the gym that he'd need to take him to the next level, then that's okay! Or The other way round would be okay too. Be true to your own path.

 

You don't necessarily have to judge yourself on what you achieve, but how you ahieve it! I was pretty results driven but now I see more to be proud of in the man in the wheelchair who learns to walk, than the man who runs 100m in sub 13 seconds, but could of gone quicker if he'd put the training in!

If all you ever do is the best you can, then you can be proud of that.

 

 

Doesn't mean you shouldn't want to achieve anything, just want to achieve it for the right reasons.

I have a tattoo on my inner arm (that I had done at 15, proving what a stupid kid I was ) it reads "Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out". For me I try to live by that (I think I do a better job now than I did back then, I know now you don't necessarily need all eyes on you to be standing out)

I actually have other tattoos on both of my wrists, ones my sons name, he was names after the Bodhi tree. The other says ':20', its after a quote in a film (a **** film, but a great quote), "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it". I completely and honestly believe in that. Sometimes you just need to make the jump and figure out the landing later. Else you'll never do anything.

 

 

Decide whats important to you and why, then tomorrow take 20 seconds to kick it off!

 

This was really great. and really helpful. I do the wrong things for the wrong reasons. and what made things worst was i got caught up with this girl and have been in a spiral of emotions with her since. im just really trying to get out of this spiral and im hoping things would get better from there.

[MrDuck]

This was really great. and really helpful. I do the wrong things for the wrong reasons. and what made things worst was i got caught up with this girl and have been in a spiral of emotions with her since. im just really trying to get out of this spiral and im hoping things would get better from there.

 

Don't beat yourself up about that though mate! Sometimes I've set my sights on totally the wrong destination but along the path to get there some of the best things in my life have come about, and visa versa, sometimes I've made situations even if my heart was in the right place. But thinking about yesterday only wastes your life. At the end of the day someone else's past is always cleaner, you can't worry about that too much. It's like when people say you're born again every morning: whatever you did yesterday the good or the bad it means nothing compared to what you do today.

 

As for the girl, my personal opinion is however great she is she's not worth a dime if being with her or the effect she has on you means you have to compromise the man you are.

 

I know what it is to be stuck in a spiral mate!

For me I couldn't of dragged myself out of a spiral with baby steps, I'd of just kept slipping back in, I had to jump. I bought a one way play ticket at 16 (didn't come home for 4 and a half years), it is kind of scary to break the mould like that but I knew em exactly what was here for me if I stayed, and I didn't want that, I wanted better!

You know what's there for you if you stay hung up on your ex or whatever, and you don't like it either so you just need to jump (worst case scenario it's a disaster but at least it's a new disaster not the same one over and over again!). I don't mean buy a one way play ticket but I do mean break out of your current mould! Do something different. Try something knew! Both feet in Chris, you've got this!!