aalbre2016 Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Hi, I'm new here. I've been separated for almost 2 months and the loneliness is just killing me, that and all the other emotions that come from not being with the person you spent the last 18 years with. Feeling pretty anxious, how long does this last? Is there hope? Will I someday look back and be able to say; I survived all that? Somebody please tell me everything is going to be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
ProdigalMe Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Hi, I'm new here. I've been separated for almost 2 months and the loneliness is just killing me, that and all the other emotions that come from not being with the person you spent the last 18 years with. Feeling pretty anxious, how long does this last? Is there hope? Will I someday look back and be able to say; I survived all that? Somebody please tell me everything is going to be okay. Welcome to LS. I'm sorry you're going through tough, tough times. If you read the threads on here, you will realize that there are many others who have gone through the same horrible things, and survived. The short answer, after you read through all these threads, is that you will be OK, even if doesn't feel like it right now. They say time will heal you, and that each horrible day now means you are one day closer to your happier days in the future. Best wishes to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Out five years post-D and about 6.5 post split. I wasn't so much lonely as wanting to be productive so I spent a lot of time with friends and helping folks out. That kind of tapered off after our D was final and I settled into a solo lifestyle. I think the last personal human interaction I had was buying some drain pipe at the hardware store up in Oregon for my other house about two weeks ago. It's a lifestyle, not for everyone. You'll find your path. Most folks simply put themselves out there socially and find a replacement companion in no time. Normal human stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aalbre2016 Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 How long will I feel this way? He told me he was going to file for divorce but hasn't yet. What is he waiting for? Should I file? Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Did he initiate the divorce? Let him file for it, if that's what he wants. Are you guys sure about this decision? Divorce, separation, breakup....they are all very hard especially after 18 years! This will be in your thoughts everyday for months, but it will get better. The support of friends/family is very helpful, talk it out. Occupy yourself at the gym, with books, new hobby, new experiences. Help others with your input up here on LS, I find it really rewarding You are not alone! Talk to us! I found an article about breakups, about the process, how most of us deal with it. What To Do When Your Man Walks Out On You | Bree Maresca-Kramer Link to post Share on other sites
Author aalbre2016 Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 What about financial support? He makes about 25-30% more than I do. Should I request alimony? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 It will be OK. However, you need to stop asking people on an international message board for legal advice. We can't possibly know whether you should file for divorce as opposed to waiting to be served or if you should request alimony. We don't know where you live or what the laws are there. Get a lawyer & do what that person advises. As for the loneliness, although I have never been divorced, I did end a 12 year relationship. First surround yourself with supportive people. I relied on my family, my childhood friends & to some extent my sorority sisters although they were all long distance. Second, give yourself time & permission to grieve. Especially now at your 1st holiday season apart, it's gonna suck; sorry I'm not gonna lie but you will get through it. third make a list of things you would like to accomplish -- take a class, explore a new hobby, finish a novel, just keep yourself busy. Finally rearrange your living space to soften the reminders of him. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I like many others on this forum once walked in your shoes. I was so far down, the question was not whether I might someday once again find happiness, but more simply would I ever be able to laugh again. As for the loneliness, my first problem was that my mind was obsessed with the doings of my ExW. I was constantly thinking about her. One of the first things I did was to get back into my hobbies. I also figured now was my chance to explore other interests, that I had never previously tried. I failed at raising orchids. However, a co-worker introduced me to the world of raising rare and hard to breed tropical fish. I had to get the water just right, and then once I was able to get eggs to hatch, I had to take the time, to raise fry food and feed them. All of which took time, time that my thoughts we away from the Ex. I was successful in turning seconds into minutes, and minutes into hours. I was already a fair cook, however looking down the road, when some day I might get back into the dating scene, I decided to teach myself how to cook some gourmet meals. This was a triple winner, the meals took more preparation, more time away from thinking about the Ex, plus I was rewarded with an excellent meal. And yes when I got back into dating, they were a big hit. As for ever being happy again. Most definitely, for the past 20 years I have shared my life, with one of the most giving, kindest, loving woman I have ever met. She is totally out of my league in the looks department. As for my Ex, I found a photo of her when I Googled her name. The years have not been very kind to her. She is easily approaching 200 pounds, while I share my life with a grandma of a 20 year old, who still has an hour glass figure. As for learning to cook, guess who does almost all of the cooking. Link to post Share on other sites
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