In the blink of an eye it was over, now i live with regret

[Costica]

So a bit about me , ive never been one to run around chasing tail , truly i always felt like the outkast of my family. Spent alot of time alone doing hobbies i enjoyed. Born and raised in the east, but felt a yerning to leave and make my own stake on life. I moved to a tiny desert town in Nevada, which lead me to working in Death Valley National park. Still was very happy keeping to myself , exploreing nature and growing as a person. Then it happen, the park i worked at had a seasonal property that would close for summer and i had transferd to the year round property. One day i walk into work and was stoped dead in my tracks by this person who shining like a star. Never had i felt this way about just seeing someone. So shortly after we became friends and after a month started to date. She was from Romania and was working on a student visa for the summer and only had 2 months left before returning home. We did as much as we could together and then the time came . I drove and waited with her at the airport untill she had to go. we kept in touch through phone and messing online.A few months went by and we began to talk to marriage, this way we could be together. So we took all the steps needed and in 02/2010 i flew to Romania and stayed with her family for two weeks at which the end of the two weeks we were married. I return home to begin her spouel visa. I did not see her agian in person till a year later , the inbetween time was spent online talking with each other . time differnce made it difficult but we managed. For the most part this had be came my daily routine for 3 years . wake up and talk with her before she went to sleep. then go to work for 8 hours come home shower and make some food and get ready for bed and before sleep she would wake and we would speak then i would go to sleep while she went to work. Finally after so much time she was granted a visa to come live and work in the states. When she had arrived i was no longer livng in the park but in NV and she wasnt happy about that as she really enjoyed workingin the park where we had met.after a week of cold shoulder and clearly seeing she wasnt happy i confronted her. She easily stated she did not love me and did not want to be with me any more and would like to return home as soon as i could get her there. this really didnt hit me till i had got her a plane ticket and droped her and her bags off at the door of the airport. truly i was very sour and had no problem cutting all ties with her and stop talking to her but maybe once a month. after two month i had began talking to another person, had even started staying at thier place. i become weak and talk to my soon to be x wife, she begs me to forgive her and ask if i still wish to try and see if we can betogether. she comes back and things are ok atleast i think so . no major fights or issues we didnt work through. i had for a while wantd to move back east to see my family and settle down. she was never for that but she supported it some. we moved back and had been here for 6 months when she went home for a visit . while at the airport we had to move some things around from a few bags to balance weight and was then i notice she packed like she was moving. i can tell theres something up and shes wanting me to sit down with her before she goes through security check. i dont my mind is already thinking so much on the items shes taking i needed to just get out . i kiss her tell her i love her and to have a safe flight and call me when she boarding.she arrives and we message some through out the two weeks shes to be gone. she kept making comments " dont bother spending your time waiting to talk to me on here ill be back soon" even asking me to make sure i remeber to buy items at the store so we had them when she returned. 2 days before her return flight we are talking on yahoo instant message and i ask her " are you excited to come back and see me" . silence for a few mins im not coming back she says. tells me that when she got back she started seeing a therapist and had decided i was not a good person and was dragging her down and keeping her from being with her family. Its almost been 2 years now and going through an international divorce has taken its toll, i feel i am even more disconnected now socialy and besides co workers have no interaction with anyone .i hate this and looking back on all the good times i shared with my x makes me want to find someone else and enjoy life but i feel i am stuck in this rut and i dont know how to begin agian when it feels like i never really started in the first place. Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly apperciated

[Downtown]

She started seeing a therapist and had decided i was not a good person and was dragging her down and keeping her from being with her family.

Costica, you may simply be describing the behavior of a healthy young woman who was unable to adjust to the large cultural differences here in the USA. Yet, because she fell in love with you so quickly, and because she rapidly flipped back and forth between Jekyll (adoring you) and Hyde (devaluing you) several times, I suspect her issues are far deeper than a simple inability to adjust to our culture.

 

Specifically, you seem to be describing the erratic behavior of a woman who is so immature (i.e., childlike) that she is emotionally unstable and unwilling to accept any responsibility for her own actions. This seems to be indicated by the way she blamed the marriage failure entirely on you despite her many flip-flops during the relationship.

 

I therefore suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs to see if they seem applicable. If most of those red flags sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your exW's issues. Only a professional can do that. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful experience -- e.g., avoid taking her back and avoid falling into the arms of another unstable woman just like her. Take care, Costica.

[Mr. Lucky]

 

So a bit about me , ive never been one to run around chasing tail , truly i always felt like the outkast of my family. Spent alot of time alone doing hobbies i enjoyed. Born and raised in the east, but felt a yerning to leave and make my own stake on life. I moved to a tiny desert town in Nevada, which lead me to working in Death Valley National park. Still was very happy keeping to myself , exploreing nature and growing as a person.

 

Then it happen, the park i worked at had a seasonal property that would close for summer and i had transferd to the year round property. One day i walk into work and was stoped dead in my tracks by this person who shining like a star. Never had i felt this way about just seeing someone. So shortly after we became friends and after a month started to date. She was from Romania and was working on a student visa for the summer and only had 2 months left before returning home. We did as much as we could together and then the time came .

 

I drove and waited with her at the airport untill she had to go. we kept in touch through phone and messing online.A few months went by and we began to talk to marriage, this way we could be together. So we took all the steps needed and in 02/2010 i flew to Romania and stayed with her family for two weeks at which the end of the two weeks we were married. I return home to begin her spouel visa. I did not see her agian in person till a year later , the inbetween time was spent online talking with each other . time differnce made it difficult but we managed.

 

For the most part this had be came my daily routine for 3 years . wake up and talk with her before she went to sleep. then go to work for 8 hours come home shower and make some food and get ready for bed and before sleep she would wake and we would speak then i would go to sleep while she went to work. Finally after so much time she was granted a visa to come live and work in the states. When she had arrived i was no longer livng in the park but in NV and she wasnt happy about that as she really enjoyed workingin the park where we had met.

 

after a week of cold shoulder and clearly seeing she wasnt happy i confronted her. She easily stated she did not love me and did not want to be with me any more and would like to return home as soon as i could get her there. this really didnt hit me till i had got her a plane ticket and droped her and her bags off at the door of the airport. truly i was very sour and had no problem cutting all ties with her and stop talking to her but maybe once a month. after two month i had began talking to another person, had even started staying at thier place.

 

i become weak and talk to my soon to be x wife, she begs me to forgive her and ask if i still wish to try and see if we can betogether. she comes back and things are ok atleast i think so . no major fights or issues we didnt work through. i had for a while wantd to move back east to see my family and settle down. she was never for that but she supported it some. we moved back and had been here for 6 months when she went home for a visit .

 

while at the airport we had to move some things around from a few bags to balance weight and was then i notice she packed like she was moving. i can tell theres something up and shes wanting me to sit down with her before she goes through security check. i dont my mind is already thinking so much on the items shes taking i needed to just get out . i kiss her tell her i love her and to have a safe flight and call me when she boarding.

 

she arrives and we message some through out the two weeks shes to be gone. she kept making comments " dont bother spending your time waiting to talk to me on here ill be back soon" even asking me to make sure i remeber to buy items at the store so we had them when she returned. 2 days before her return flight we are talking on yahoo instant message and i ask her " are you excited to come back and see me" . silence for a few mins im not coming back she says. tells me that when she got back she started seeing a therapist and had decided i was not a good person and was dragging her down and keeping her from being with her family.

 

Its almost been 2 years now and going through an international divorce has taken its toll, i feel i am even more disconnected now socialy and besides co workers have no interaction with anyone .i hate this and looking back on all the good times i shared with my x makes me want to find someone else and enjoy life but i feel i am stuck in this rut and i dont know how to begin agian when it feels like i never really started in the first place. Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly apperciated

 

A giant block of text is almost impossible to read and will get few responses. I've broken it into paragraphs.

 

You've married someone you knew for weeks when it takes years to really get to know someone. So having rushed into things, sounds like she's changed her mind.

 

Rather than focusing on finding someone else, you should focus on yourself. Friends, career, exercise, interests, travel - all will bring into contact with more people and make you more attractive to the folks you meet.

 

It's a process that starts with a single step, no reason it can't be today ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[mystikmind2005]

Any woman who will marry under those circumstances DOES NOT want you for you, i don't care how cleverly she pretended to like you.